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I have the stupid sads and nothing is helping. It’s like I’ve crawled head first into a hole and now I’m stuck, no amount of bum wiggling will get me out to see the light of day. 

Ugh…

All I want is to stay in bed. 

But I wake up tired and get out of bed and get dressed and put makeup on and eat breakfast (okay okay, I have a cuppa tea) and take littlests hordling to school and go to work and go through the motions and then I can’t sleep at night and I wake up tired the next day. 

Hubs thought I ought to take vitamins, which won’t hurt so I do. But I’m thinking I might need to go talk to someone, exercise more, find the happy again. 

I don’t know. 

Anyhow, one of my stories is coming along nicely and I really wish I could focus on that and nothing else. I’ll dream on… 

xoxo 

whale-watchI had planned on going to Gothenburg Book Fair tomorrow (that would be Saturday), but I’m so fatigued that the thought of pushing and shoving my way through throngs of book crazy bookworms has lost its appeal.

The Book Fair is the BEST THING all year, and it hurts not going, but I gotta take care of me… I’m going to go get my hair sorted. It’s in need of a cut and a colour and I might buy some makeup too. I need more translucent powder, scraping the pan at the moment.

There are good things happening too tho. I have tickets to The 1975’s concert in Stockholm in February (which makes up for so many other things going pear shaped atm). I’m dragging hubs there, only fair since he’s dragged me along to all kind of concerts with bands I really have no interest in.

 

And in January our good friends are getting married, so there’s a trip to Stockholm happening then too. I love weddings, they’re always so much fun! Also, I’m seeing this as an opportunity to buy a new party dress (YUSSSSS!), dare I go for shoes too? SHOES!!!!!

The twins are off to a birthday party tonight, and I’m thinking maybe I’ll have time for a bath (using the Galaxy bath bomb from Lush) and a read. Yeah. That sounds nice.

Anyhow, I think I’ll have a bit of a read now too…

xoxo

IMG_1093Midsummer in Sweden is usually a cold and rainy affair (June is our monsoon month after all, though people tend to forget that) but last Friday was unseasonably warm and sunny.

Not that I’m complaining mind, it’s just so very unusual and I for one was taken by surprise. Off came the jeans I had donned in the morning and on came the summer dress I haven’t worn in years (only because I haven’t bothered with mending the torn straps until earlier this year).

We had a lovely Midsummer, wen’t to the celebrations over in Vättlösa and met old friends and simply had a good time.

In the evening my parents came by, bringing Aquavit and strawberries. I ate my weight in new potatoes and pickled herring I think (NO REGRETS!).

IMG_1160Yesterday we went to Liseberg, along with friends and their kids. We had the best time and ended up staying over 10 hours at the amusement park! We had burgers and fries for lunch, ate so much sweets and ice cream and slush.
The twins went on so many rides, and so did Pumpkin, though she felt it was a little unfair that she wasn’t allowed on the really extreme ones…
“When I’m their age I’ll go on all those rides!”
“Yes my darling, you will.”

I got 6 books from the library last week and have read 5 of them already, the last one will be read tomorrow I think. It’s a Sarah Dessen favourite: What Happened to Goodbye.
I do wish they’d get all the Sarah Dessen books, along with all three Stephanie Perkins books I love and several other great great great YA writers I love.
I’ll have to talk with my librarian friend and see if I can convince her to get them all.

Another thing I’m trying to do this summer (at least during these six weeks of holiday I have) is to take better care of myself, find a way back to me and like what I see when I look in the mirror. As it is now I’m not very happy with myself.
The biggest issue I have is my skin: my moles and scars. I cannot NOT see it whenever I look in the mirror.
Right now I feel as if nothing I do makes me forget the fact that my skin makes me a freak and when I previously shook off comments I now just want to cry whenever someone says something about me. It’s really mostly young kids who wonder why I have so many “spots” and I tend to tell them that’s just the way it is, I can’t help it anymore than they can help the colour of their eyes.

IMG_1183Maybe I need to go see someone about this, find ways to beat the negative thoughts crowding my mind and making me feel less about myself.
As it is now I’ve even gone so far as to edit/remove moles in selfies before I post them anywhere. I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but I’ve felt better about the pictures, now without the freakish spots all over…

Anyhow, I’m going to finish reading this novel by Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer and cry my eyes out doing so (I’ve read it before and I know how it ends and I know I’ll cry and I’ll read it anyway, because I can!).

xoxo

I have a few things I’d love to do in April.

First I’d love to go see The 1975 in Stockholm April 6th (no, working and there’s no one to cover for me), second I’d love to go down to Gothenburg for the day (just walk around, people watching) and third I’d love for someone to make me the most chocolaty birthday cake (I’ll end up having to make it myself).

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Before we even get to April there’s Easter. I’m working tomorrow (Sunday) and the day after (bus trip with kids from work), but then I  have seven days off.
I’ve promised the horde the baking of cakes, the watching of films, for eldest to have her ears pierced, for them all to get their hair cut and for us to eat All The Easter Sweets.

So much to do, all of it/most of it only fun things.

At the moment I’m playing The 1975’s new album “I like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it” on repeat, it’s like they have a song for every occasion.
I’d like to just disappear into the music and not resurface until some time in June. It’s almost as if my heartbeats are in sync with their songs.

Work wise it’s a lot the coming two months. Sleepovers and prepping end of term celebrations and making sure my Confirmation youth group get their act together for Confirmation.
I think I have one free weekend in April and the same goes for May. On the other hand June is much slower, but at the moment I can’t appreciate the fact.

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There are a few jobs out near where I live and I’m going to apply to them. I’d like to think I’m interesting enough for them to ask me to come for an interview, but on the other hand I don’t have a degree in anything and this makes me doubt myself. I have so many uni courses under my belt and work experience, but is that enough?
If I get to an interview I know I’ll be able to talk about myself well enough, and I like to think I’m a likable person. So that’s nothing I’m worried about. It’s presenting myself on paper, trying to make myself interesting enough for them to actually ask me to come for an interview that’s the scary part.

Anyhow, my writing has been frequent the last few weeks. I’ve completed several short stories and poems, in both Swedish and English and I still feel that there’s stuff left to write about. An awesome feeling after the big nothing I felt earlier this year. More tea I think and more The 1975 and more writing.

xoxo

tiredcatI’m so tired that my tired is tired. 

This week I was at a 3 day seminar/workshop thing (Wednesday to Friday). It’s this year long project we’re doing at work, along with two other dioceses (all in all we’re 9 parishes taking part of the project).

I had a brilliant time, met awesomesauce people and learned much, but I’m completely spent at the moment. We got crammed with knowledge and sitting there in a classroom with 16 other people is quite draining. I kinda feel hungover from the whole ting… is there such a thing as people hangovers? I totally think there should be!

While being at Hjo folkhögskola (that’s where they held the whole thingy) I got to eat GREAT vegan foods, I think I’ll try to recreate some of the things at home. It’s been a little over two weeks being a vegan and it’s easier thinking of things to eat, I’ve also learnt what things are vegan and what aren’t (talking store bought items here) and I’ve found good snacks I can eat between meals.

I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy, it’s not. Especially at moments like these when I’m so very tired and don’t have the energy to think of vegan alternatives to the things the family are eating. It would be sooo easy to drop the whole thing, but I shall prevail!

There are so many people out there in the world who can’t fill their bellies on a daily basis, who almost only eat fast food (thinking it’s the easiest, cheapest way to go) or struggle in other ways. I think of them a lot right now and I donate money to projects working to stop world hunger. Wouldn’t it be great if we could live in a world where every child can eat her fill and no one would have to be stressed about finding something to eat… I pray for that day to come soon.

Anyway, I managed to get a cut and colour on Wednesday! Too bad I can’t style it as well as she did… it was sleeeeek for about two days, then I had to shower and now it looks less tidy. Could someone please give me patience to style my hair in the mornings? Please?!

xoxo

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I’m cold. Ridiculously so. Snuggling under two blankets and with a fire going doesn’t seem to be enough.
I’m tired too and I suppose that’s why I’m this cold. The plan tonight is to go to bed early-ish, but we’ll have to see about that.
When the kids have brushed their teeth I’m reading a passage from The Hobbit before we tuck them into bed.

I’m so tired…

Anyhow, they’ve promised us sunshine tomorrow. I’m planning to take a long walk if that’s true.

xoxo

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I’ve written 120 words today, yesterday I wrote 0.
I don’t know if this story is going to work…  but I want it to because I really like it. And I have a good chance of getting this book published. Which is nice.
I’m beginning to think I have to forgo sleep to manage NaNoWriMo this year.
I can sleep when I’m dead.

The darkness of November doesn’t really help in any way either. I just want to stay in bed, maybe read, most definitely play video games all day long…
A girl can dream right?

Anyhow, crapload of stuff to do at work and I’m working this weekend (we’re at camp Friday to Sunday).

xoxo

Rainstorm.

Today is so dark. Like November decided to come at us with a vengeance. And this rain. I had hoped for a lot more of that delicious sunlight. I need sunlight! Don’t think it helps that I most definitely feel like I have the worst case of The Monday’s, ever.

Today I can’t get anything written on my NaNo piece, it’s stuck and I don’t know how to get back at it. So I’ll write something on another text and hope that this will make my brain jump start.

Anyhow, better make more tea and get writing.

xoxo

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We’ve had the most glorious (last) days of summer.
Too bad I’ve been stuck inside with sick kids… the twins will have to be kept from school a few more days. The pox have yet to dry completely and wearing shoes is problematic.

My face has gone from painful and swollen to extremely itchy with stabs of pain if I’m not careful about what I do. Thank God the stitches are to be removed on Tuesday! Nine pieces of string that are to be yanked outta my face… Lovely.

There’s one week left before the big election here in Sweden and I’ve had it up to here (way above my head) with politics. They’re all fothermukkers and there’s not going to be a big difference no matter who “wins” this thing.
I loath politics.

Anyhow, I’d planned to paint my nails tonight, but it’s getting late and I think I’d rather go to bed.

xoxo

I’ve spent this weekend on the Swedish west coast, with a youth group and all the things associated with that (good and bad).

The weather’s been absolutely lovely and my kids are the best, but I’m glad we’re going home.

Here’s some pictures:

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I live in such a lovely country.

xoxo

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