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img_20150327_101935This year has been hard on teenage Yheela.
So many of my musical heroes have died, along with some movie heroes too.

Is this what getting old feels like? 

I woke up this morning to the news that George Michael died yesterday.
It was only a few days ago I played his music deafeningly loud in my car.
I’ve cried this morning and I think I might cry again when hearing my favourite songs by him.
It’s almost like with Prince, I still can’t listen to all of his songs without breaking down a little.

Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that the music you listen to between ages 10 and 20 is the music you’ll listen to for the rest of your life. And I’d say it’s true. I have found a few new artists, but they do remind me of my old favourites.

On the other hand, 2016 has been very good to me too. I got a new job (although I did love my old one very much too) in my home parish and looking back I can say this autumn has been a good one.
I’ve made new friends and I’ve learnt new things. As it should be I guess. Now I have a week and a couple of days off before it all starts again.
New year, new opportunities.

Our Christmas was a quiet affair, as per usual. The horde were all happy about their gifts, the twins especially since they got phones. I’ve not seen much of them, they now spend much of their time in their rooms playing games and sending me funny texts.
We did take a walk yesterday though, my son wanted to catch a few Pokémons…

Today I’m taking them all to see ‘Sing’, I managed to book us seats at the local cinema. And if I’m quick I’ll be able to book us seats for one of the other kid’s films they’re showing during the Christmas holiday.

I’d like to go down to Gothenburg some day next week, to check out the sales and just get a change of scenery. Hubs is working though, so I don’t know if it’ll happen. I need to find a party dress for a wedding in January.
It says “dark suit”  on the invite and that means a posh dress (not too short and not floor length) and I do not have one of those. A posh dress that is, mine are all summer dresses and not posh at all.

chichiI checked a few online stores and think I found a brand I like, but looking in a store would be fun too (right now I’m liking these two, but I don’t know if they’re right).

And I’ll get to buy new shoes and jewelry and makeup and hair things and ALL THE GLITTERY STUFFS!

Also, I need to get this hair of mine sorted. Should I keep colouring it? Do I let it grow? Cut it shorter? Argh!

Maybe I ought to be happy my problems are my hair and that artists I like pass away… it’s hard to know your blessings when life meanders on as it should.

Anyway, I need to do stuffs. There’s Lego all over the kitchen from building the sets the horde got for Christmas and there’s laundry that needs folding etc etc…

I wish you all the best, these last days of 2016. ❤

xoxo

This is from today, at around 3PM. The sun was setting and as I’m writing this it’s pitch black outside. 

We had snow in the beginning of November, which was real nice since it made all the darkness go away a bit. Now it’s all rain and dark and miserable feelings all day every day… kinda, sorta, maybe. 

We’ve had sunny days, sure, but most days have been wet and rainy and foggy and meh. 

Right now I’m at the swimming pool, there’s a gym there too and an aerobics room in which my girls take ballet classes (Princess is still at it, Pumpkin is done and has been sitting here with me almost half an hour already). 

I did my shoulder physiotherapy as my youngest had her class. It’s getting better and I’m getting stronger, but now my shoulder hurts if I sit still for too long… like playing video games. Yay. 

Speaking of which. I just finished Mass Effect 3 today (again, for the umpteenth time). And I cannot wait for Mass Effect Andromeda to arrive next year! 

Sometimes I think I ought to branch out and try other games, but then I think why? I love ME and DA and they always make me feel better (happier) when I play them. 

Well. 

Maybe I need to find more people to hang out with instead? Maybe I need to “people” more? I miss having people who get me around. My days are filled with nothing but normals… it’s exhausting being the weird one every single day

I miss the people I only talk with online. I miss not having them here with me. I miss irl convos and laughter. 

Anyhow, ballet class is almost over. I need to get the girls home and shower and feed us. Maybe my sads is because I’m freaking hungry? 

xoxo 

I now have 10 days off work (God bless Swedish parental leave) and this is sooo sweet! 

Next week is Autumn holiday for the kids, a full week off school, so I took that week off as well. 

We don’t have anything special planned, which is all kinds of awesome. But I am thinking that I might take the twins to Gothenburg for a day. We’ll take the train, go through the shops (Science fiction bookstore here we come!) and eat Indian food for lunch. 

Also, NaNoWriMo starts Tuesday next week and I plan to attend. I have one story ready to go, but I know I’ll count all the writing I’ll do into NaNo. Because why the hell not. 

Anyhow, I have tea, there’s a fire in the hearth, hubs is playing Axiom Verge (which to me looks like a complete mindfuck) and I have nothing that needs doing right now. All is well… 

xoxo 

I have the stupid sads and nothing is helping. It’s like I’ve crawled head first into a hole and now I’m stuck, no amount of bum wiggling will get me out to see the light of day. 

Ugh…

All I want is to stay in bed. 

But I wake up tired and get out of bed and get dressed and put makeup on and eat breakfast (okay okay, I have a cuppa tea) and take littlests hordling to school and go to work and go through the motions and then I can’t sleep at night and I wake up tired the next day. 

Hubs thought I ought to take vitamins, which won’t hurt so I do. But I’m thinking I might need to go talk to someone, exercise more, find the happy again. 

I don’t know. 

Anyhow, one of my stories is coming along nicely and I really wish I could focus on that and nothing else. I’ll dream on… 

xoxo 

So, October. 

Darkness and pretty leaves. So far it’s not too bad, the days have been sunny and even though yesterday was chilly and this morning had frost it’s still been nice. 

I wish for an autumn with colourful trees, where the leaves stay on for quite some time. But it’s been dry and if the frost becomes a thing leaves will start falling by the buckets. 

I’ve always had a hard time with the coming darkness. November is usually very dark and gloomy, with no colour but brown, grey, black and white. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but somehow I need to prepare myself for it. I need to stock up on sunshine and colours. 

Also, let’s hope this winter comes with a decent amount of snow. That would brighten everything up nicely. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get back to writing more (as in every day) and so far it’s going alright. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep it up, it makes me happy. 

xoxo 


I don’t know where time went. On a vacation to Aruba? I would like to go to Aruba. Lie on a beach, drink straight from a coconut and just be. Actually anywhere would be nice, vacations are always nice. 

Okay, reality. 

I’ve started my new job, it’s been a month soon already. So far I’m liking it. A lot. Working in my community, my parish, with people I know is great. Networking and getting to know people is marvellous. Sure there are things that are slightly stressful, but in what line of work do you never encounter stress? 

And everyone’s very keen on me feeling up to the task and not taking on too much stuff. I know that if I were to say I felt overwhelmed they’d step in and help me with everything. 

Lovely people. 

We went on a trip to Uppsala this week (Monday to Wednesday and chock-a-block full of sightseeing). 

Although we did have a few hours free on Tuesday afternoon and I got to hang out with my mate Rikard, who I had only chatted with online (is it 2 years or more? I can’t remember) but since I was in the vicinity we decided to meet. 

I had a grand old time, he was just as darling as I hoped he would be. Not that I had any fears he’d be anything but. It was nice to hang out with someone who likes the same things, comics and books and stuff. 

My colleagues aren’t as nerdy as I am, so I haven’t really found anyone to talk to about ALL GREAT THINGS IN LIFE. Which is slightly sad (I miss Amanda and Fredrik from my old job, they got me). 

Anyhow, supper’s ready and I think we still have cheese puffs somewhere. 

xoxo 

I don’t know when I wore anything but jeans (must have been the midsummer weekend). 
The weather’s been so unreliable, sunny one moment and bucketing the next. I’ll be heading out with laundry only to have to turn back inside, because rain… 

Ugh. It’s not helping my mood either (tho that could be pms or something), and even though I know you can takes walks in the rain I don’t feel like walking in the deluge that has been the rain the last week or so. 

One a more positive note: I’ve found a guy who posts videos of himself playing the Mass Effect games for the first time. He’s gone through ME1 and is now on ME2. 

This makes me remember how much I love the game and I’m considering leaving DAI for a while to finish my most resent play through of ME2. I abandoned that to start DAI. 

Anyhow, it’s nearing lunchtime and I’m feeling the hangry coming on. Better feed myself then, before I say or do something I regret. 

xoxo 

IMG_1093Midsummer in Sweden is usually a cold and rainy affair (June is our monsoon month after all, though people tend to forget that) but last Friday was unseasonably warm and sunny.

Not that I’m complaining mind, it’s just so very unusual and I for one was taken by surprise. Off came the jeans I had donned in the morning and on came the summer dress I haven’t worn in years (only because I haven’t bothered with mending the torn straps until earlier this year).

We had a lovely Midsummer, wen’t to the celebrations over in Vättlösa and met old friends and simply had a good time.

In the evening my parents came by, bringing Aquavit and strawberries. I ate my weight in new potatoes and pickled herring I think (NO REGRETS!).

IMG_1160Yesterday we went to Liseberg, along with friends and their kids. We had the best time and ended up staying over 10 hours at the amusement park! We had burgers and fries for lunch, ate so much sweets and ice cream and slush.
The twins went on so many rides, and so did Pumpkin, though she felt it was a little unfair that she wasn’t allowed on the really extreme ones…
“When I’m their age I’ll go on all those rides!”
“Yes my darling, you will.”

I got 6 books from the library last week and have read 5 of them already, the last one will be read tomorrow I think. It’s a Sarah Dessen favourite: What Happened to Goodbye.
I do wish they’d get all the Sarah Dessen books, along with all three Stephanie Perkins books I love and several other great great great YA writers I love.
I’ll have to talk with my librarian friend and see if I can convince her to get them all.

Another thing I’m trying to do this summer (at least during these six weeks of holiday I have) is to take better care of myself, find a way back to me and like what I see when I look in the mirror. As it is now I’m not very happy with myself.
The biggest issue I have is my skin: my moles and scars. I cannot NOT see it whenever I look in the mirror.
Right now I feel as if nothing I do makes me forget the fact that my skin makes me a freak and when I previously shook off comments I now just want to cry whenever someone says something about me. It’s really mostly young kids who wonder why I have so many “spots” and I tend to tell them that’s just the way it is, I can’t help it anymore than they can help the colour of their eyes.

IMG_1183Maybe I need to go see someone about this, find ways to beat the negative thoughts crowding my mind and making me feel less about myself.
As it is now I’ve even gone so far as to edit/remove moles in selfies before I post them anywhere. I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but I’ve felt better about the pictures, now without the freakish spots all over…

Anyhow, I’m going to finish reading this novel by Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer and cry my eyes out doing so (I’ve read it before and I know how it ends and I know I’ll cry and I’ll read it anyway, because I can!).

xoxo

IMG_0958The Last Day.

I’m not going to come back here (to work) after today, this is it. And it feels so strange. Last time I had a Last Day I was at a job I didn’t care for anymore, I couldn’t wait to be gone from there. That was three years ago and the years following have been so good in relation to what I felt back then.
Leaving a place you still love working at is a new feeling for me, and it’s bitter and sweet and happy and sad and just plain weird…

Oh well, I guess I can always come back and visit if I miss them too much. But first I’ll have my 6 weeks of summer holiday and just try to do as little as possible.

I’m writing more again, I even finished a couple of short stories (ikr! Incredible!) and I’ll be using them for future Saturday Scenes. I’m really happy with one of them, I think I’ll post that one in its entirety on my writer’s blog and just a snippet for Saturday Scenes.

Tomorrow I’m getting the stitches on my stomach taken out, the ones on my back have to stay another week. It’s beginning to get really annoying having them yank and hurt whenever I move around too much or too fast. I’m so so so done with this.

I’ve started Dragon Age Inquisition again, that game is LIFE! And I’m totally romancing Cullen again, because I cannot not romance him… he’s the bread to my Inquisitor’s butter. Mmm… Cullen… mmm.

Anyhow, it’s lunchtime and I’m going out for lunch (I refuse to bring frozen leftover pasta for lunch. I REFUSE!). Maybe I’ll check out a few shops while I’m out too, it’s a looong day at work today…

xoxo

Oh well, I knew stitches would suck, but I had kinda forgotten how bad they actually DO suck… 
I’ve had trouble driving (even riding in the car has hurt like a mother) so I had to take Monday off from work. This means I have to work longer days Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. 

And it’s not as if I have TONS of stuff to do, lots of the things needing doing are for next term and I won’t really be there then, will I? 

Tomorrow morning I do have a bit of stuff to do, I’m taking A to have a look see at books and things for the preschool group she’s taking over from me (I’m so totally going to miss her so much! She’s awesome and funny and kind and a lot like me, but 13 years younger). I love you A! 

We’re going out on Friday, five of us from work, and I’m trying to think of what to wear. I’ll still have my stitches so that kinda limits what I have to choose from. Also, this restricts my choice of footwear… I’d love to wear heals, but no way I can manage that right now. 

I’ll most likely end up in jeans and a tee (dare I break out the flannel?) and my Doc’s. Guess I’ll just have to glam my face up or something. 

Anyhow, it seems impossible to get to the UK to see Goo Goo Dolls. Expensive as phukk. My life sucks. 

xoxo

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