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IMG_5717Springtime. Foggy and cold mornings, sunny and warm afternoons. Me being all happy and shit one second, only to wanting to crawl into a corner and cry the next. Life is as it is, mostly good, sometimes great and often nothing but alright. Still, I overthink and worry and feel like shit.

I’m worried my lack of dreams will have me be this mediocre person for the rest of my life. Others seem to dream big and live big, and all I want is a cuppa tea and friends. Are my dreams and goals and wishes too small? Must we all dream big?

Sure I’d like to publish, but not enough for me to go through it all and self-pub. And sure, I’d like to finally get my degree, but not enough for me to actually contact my Uni. And yeah, I’d like to have nice and stylish clothes, but not enough to clean my wardrobe out and start afresh.

I would love to travel more, meeting people and eating food. But I also know that I’ll have time for that when the horde is older (we’re going on a family trip this year, so there will be travelling). I asked mum if she’d like to go to London with me in the Autumn, she said yes, so now I guess it’s all about finding a decent priced trip. 

And we do little things with the family all the time. I’m actually a homebody, preferring to not leave my house unless I have to, so this travelling bug biting me is also kinda weird.

Work has been good, I am so happy to be working where I live, but I’ve also wondered if I’m where I ought to be. Is there even such a place for us? Maybe we just do the best with where we’re at and that makes us happy/content? Hard easy questions…

IMG_5764I miss my irl friends. I miss them a lot. We live quite a ways apart, so it’s hard to meet up. And all I want is to have tea with them and just sit and talk, or not talk, just sit. To sit down with someone who knows me, who just gets me and that I know and get in return. There’s real comfort in that.

I’ve been listening a lot to music, it’s really just the same old songs that I always listen to, maybe mixed with a couple new songs, but knowing the lyrics make me feel better about everything. I just wish I could go listen to them live. But it’s hard when many if them don’t even exist anymore… shit, I still can’t listen to Prince without crying my eyes out.

Good thing though is that I seem to be entering a productive period when it comes to writing, ideas pop up and stay with me. Maybe I’ll finish a few projects I have lying about.

Anyhow, I need to lunch and soon my car’s back from having its tyres swapped (no more icy roads, I hope) and I can do the stuff at work I left for today.

xoxo

Knäck_during_Christmas_Eve_2008,_closeupWe’re making Christmas sweets today, Knäck (almond toffee) and ordinary chocolate toffee. Tomorrow we make some Rocky Road and maybe some fudge (if I have the stuff for it that is).

Pirate’s off to a hockey tournament and husband went with him, so it’s just me and the girls today. Though Princess is waiting for being picked up  for a play date (they ought to be here any minute, but she’s been waiting since she woke up).

It’s really pretty out today, sunshine and frost. Me and Pumpkin are going to take a walk after lunch, the sun sets at 3 pm, so we need to be quick about it. There’s been to much rain and wind and darkness the last couple of days. And the lack of snow isn’t really helping either.

Honestly. There’s no real Christmas without snow…

I’ve written quite a lot lately, I have two nearly finished short stories (one I use for my Saturday Scenes and thus need to finish soon-ish). Yesterday I managed three poems, one in Swedish and two in English. Funny thing about that. When it comes to prose I write just as well in both languages. But poetry, I have to work at it to have it work in English. Guess my feelings are closer to the surface in Swedish…

Anyhow, I should start thinking about lunch. Since the sweets are all done I have free time to write or play video games. We’ll see about that after lunch and a walk.

xoxo

… or trying to write, anything.

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I have one competition and one anthology that I really want to be part of, both involve Swedish scifi. So here I am, writing away on two stories at the same time. Or rather: I’m writing one story and editing another. It would be so cool to be published! I have two collections of poetry (they’re e-books and in Swedish) and it always makes me so very happy to look at them (mentally happy dancing at the moment).

So you guys keep your fingers crossed that they’ll pick my stories!

Today I really need to get away some from work, I think I’ll take a walk during lunch and just clear my head (I will end up at the candy store we have close by, it’s candy heaven!) .

Back to reality (sulks)!

xoxo

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