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Christmas has passed. We’re in these in between days that just are, that must be, before we step into the new year.

The picture is from two weeks ago. Winter wonderland. Today it’s all rain and gloom and darkness. We’ve passed the longest night by a week, but it’ll take time before we’ll notice any change.

I’m off work until school starts again, January 9th. Which is so nice. But on the other hand it’s a bit ugh to be at home with three kids that sulk about not finding friends to play with.

I get it, sitting at home isn’t very fun, at least not when you’re forced to hang out with your siblings 24/7. And a lot of families have gone away on holiday or visiting family over Christmas and New Year.

Sometimes I think we’re the only ones who have stayed at home.

I’ve slacked off on my workout routine and I’m paying for it by being in pain and feeling meh. So I went to the gym today and practically cried my way through it. I wish I could think of a way to make that whole experience fun… like reading books is fun, or having tea is fun, or watching films is fun.


Guess my New Years resolution will be to not be such a lazy fat ass. Which means I need to be the total opposite of what I am.

Also. I have a couple of weeks until my next skin checkup, so all the angst associated with that is bubbling up to the surface.

Fun times!

I hate feeling like this, but I honestly don’t know how to deal with it; apart from allowing myself to feel like absolute shit until the checkup’s done. The feelings won’t go away, so maybe just embrace them?

I haven’t taken many pictures of anything lately (not even selfies, which is like super weird). And I know it’s because I feel all these horrible, crying over everything, ugly feelings.

Anyhow, we’re going to town after lunch. So maybe I’ll make an effort, or something…



IMG_1093Midsummer in Sweden is usually a cold and rainy affair (June is our monsoon month after all, though people tend to forget that) but last Friday was unseasonably warm and sunny.

Not that I’m complaining mind, it’s just so very unusual and I for one was taken by surprise. Off came the jeans I had donned in the morning and on came the summer dress I haven’t worn in years (only because I haven’t bothered with mending the torn straps until earlier this year).

We had a lovely Midsummer, wen’t to the celebrations over in Vättlösa and met old friends and simply had a good time.

In the evening my parents came by, bringing Aquavit and strawberries. I ate my weight in new potatoes and pickled herring I think (NO REGRETS!).

IMG_1160Yesterday we went to Liseberg, along with friends and their kids. We had the best time and ended up staying over 10 hours at the amusement park! We had burgers and fries for lunch, ate so much sweets and ice cream and slush.
The twins went on so many rides, and so did Pumpkin, though she felt it was a little unfair that she wasn’t allowed on the really extreme ones…
“When I’m their age I’ll go on all those rides!”
“Yes my darling, you will.”

I got 6 books from the library last week and have read 5 of them already, the last one will be read tomorrow I think. It’s a Sarah Dessen favourite: What Happened to Goodbye.
I do wish they’d get all the Sarah Dessen books, along with all three Stephanie Perkins books I love and several other great great great YA writers I love.
I’ll have to talk with my librarian friend and see if I can convince her to get them all.

Another thing I’m trying to do this summer (at least during these six weeks of holiday I have) is to take better care of myself, find a way back to me and like what I see when I look in the mirror. As it is now I’m not very happy with myself.
The biggest issue I have is my skin: my moles and scars. I cannot NOT see it whenever I look in the mirror.
Right now I feel as if nothing I do makes me forget the fact that my skin makes me a freak and when I previously shook off comments I now just want to cry whenever someone says something about me. It’s really mostly young kids who wonder why I have so many “spots” and I tend to tell them that’s just the way it is, I can’t help it anymore than they can help the colour of their eyes.

IMG_1183Maybe I need to go see someone about this, find ways to beat the negative thoughts crowding my mind and making me feel less about myself.
As it is now I’ve even gone so far as to edit/remove moles in selfies before I post them anywhere. I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but I’ve felt better about the pictures, now without the freakish spots all over…

Anyhow, I’m going to finish reading this novel by Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer and cry my eyes out doing so (I’ve read it before and I know how it ends and I know I’ll cry and I’ll read it anyway, because I can!).


PhotoGrid_1431894501333It’s only the beginning of June, but there’s not much left of school and our everyday routines are soon changed for summer holiday ones.

Tomorrow I’m invited to the upper secondary school I taught at for 5 years (the last class I mentored is graduating) and Friday next week the twins finish first grade.

I’ve not put much thought into he graduation brunch tomorrow, mostly because I’ve been ill with tonsillitis these last four days, but also because it seemed so far off. All of a sudden I need to find something nice to wear and figure out how to do my makeup (I’ve not even looked at a mascara brush since Friday last week!).

I have an idea though, and I’ll most likely go with it. It’s only a wee graduation after all, not the Nobel Prize Banquet.

Tuesday next week I have the day off. It’s time for a check-up at the hospital and I really don’t fancy going to work after that. Even if it’s only good news I’m usually so exhausted afterwards and no fun to be around.

I am treating myself to a sushi lunch and some me time in town (I’m hardly ever in town, so that’ll be so excite too).

Anyhow, four weeks until I go on summer holiday. I’m counting the days…


I don’t know if I’m being over dramatic or if this is a normal level of freak out.
It’s two weeks until my appointment with the face doctor, two weeks until I know if they’ll cut my face or leave it as it is. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about this, cry about it and spend endless time in front of a mirror trying to make myself remember what I look(ed) like.

When I talk to (some) people all they go on about is that I’ll be as pretty, no one will see the scar, it’s better to remove it than get really sick later on etc.
They do not get me!
As I’ve said before: It’s not the (maybe) cancer, it’s not about the scar, it’s not about how I’ll look later on.
It’s ALL about me not wanting the bandage (and later on tape) on my face. People are going to notice, stare and ask questions. Or just stare and assume things.


I really wish I could stay at home until it’s just a faint scar, until I don’t need to use tape to treat it and until I can use makeup to cover it up…
With all this paranoia and drama going on inside me I wouldn’t be surprised if the doctor says: “Nah, we won’t do anything, it’s nothing.”
But I won’t be holding my breath for that eventuality.

Anyway, two new mates at work. They seem really awesome and I’m sure this year will be even better. Now I need to drink my tea and head off to bed.
I’ll just listen to Goo Goo Dolls’ song Name a thousand times first…


images-1Four different people, on four different occasions have told me I look different. And when I laughingly asked them if it was a good different or a bad different they all said: “Good! Definitely a good different!”.

I haven’t got a clue on what I’ve done to look so different from before.

  • I accidentally bought a BB creme a shade darker than I previously had, but I rolled with it anyway.
  • I’ve started using bronzer to contour my face when wearing makeup, this after seeing makeup gurus on YouTube use it.
  • I have worked out daily (almost) since January 5th, thanks to 90 Days of Action, the workout program by Neila Ray I found.
  • No chocolate or other type of sweets have passed my lips since January 5th, and I’ve only had a few muffins or  cinnamon rolls (this is the woman who could eat 6 cinnamon rolls in one go!).

Could it be all those things, or is it just one of them? Or is it that I’m happier with everything in my life than I’ve been in so long?

I’m trying to decide which story to start writing next, there are a few ideas that want out… but first I’m going to have some lunch (and a painkiller because my head hurts from too much snot).

Anyhow, this will be a good year.



Ooops, I’ve gone and not blogged again… what with working afternoons and evenings I find it’s so hard to make myself sit down and blog. I also need to take time and read all blog posts I’ve been putting off reading (I’m not going to read all of them, just select the ones that catch my fancy).

Today I’m going to try to do something about my hair, it’s gotten way too long and I’m considering adding some colour to it as well. Though I’m not sure they’ll have time for a cut and colour, I’m just going to pop by the salon and see if they can squeeze me in after lunch. I’ve used clips to get my bangs to not be in my eyes, and even though I ROCK that look I want to have the option of having them down too.

I recently bought makeup brushes (and some more makeup, gotta get new colours to try them out ya know!) and I’ve been playing around with them a couple of times. It’s a new experience to use all these different brushes when putting gunk on, but it does look a lot better and I’m sure once I get the hang of it, it’ll be awesome! Makeup’s always been fun, now it’s even more so.

Last weekend I was at camp with eleven 14 year old’s (in Sweden you go through confirmation at 14, same as Catholic children do at age 7 (?), it’s optional but most do it, at least if your a member of the Church of Sweden). So anyway, we stayed at a place called Skaga from Friday evening to Sunday lunch. They have this tiny Stave Church (go clickety for a explanation), which had to be rebuilt after it burned to the ground in 1999, the new church looks exactly the same and is too cute!

I had one hour off on Saturday and spent most of it sitting in my room writing. I’m almost a 1000 words in to my Steampunk Viking short story, which will be the one I’m sending to the Borderlands Anthology. The plan today (other than getting my hair done) is to add my handwritten stuff to the document on my laptop.

I’m also entering this as my NaNoWriMo piece, it’s not meant to be 50.000 words, but I’m thinking it’ll help me get things done (the deadline for the Anthology is also the 28th of November, which is neat since NaNo ends on the 30th).

Anyhow, I need to go drop my son off at a friend’s house and try to find a friend for my eldest daughter to play with… being twins (or I guess siblings are enough) demands the need for things to be super equal All The Time! 



I’m completely spent.

For three nights (and days) my youngest daughter has had a high fever and been very restless. From 2 am and all the way ’til I go to bed (at 10 pm-ish) she cries and fusses and even though I feel very sorry for her, I just want her to sleep, for ME to sleep. Needless to say I feel and look a wreck… thank heaven for makeup!


I have three long days at work coming up, 9h filled of hormones, drama, homework, assignments and the smell of stinky feet (high school is so awesome!). To make it through those days I need to put my armour on: makeup, a snazzy outfit and high heels. Believe me: those things can help you face ANYTHING! Even today, home with the kids, I slapped some paint onto my face to not feel completely lousy. So even if I feel like crap, I look effin’ awesome!

I’m going to rock those hallways and classrooms!

Anyhow, today I found out when they’re going to cut me, I have three moles that need removing and the fun event takes place on June 3d. Whohoo!

“They’ll cut me up, before they let me go go…”

This is a good thing; my doctor suspects it might be early stage skin cancer, or something that can easily become skin cancer later on. I’d rather be uncomfortable for a few weeks than go through cancer treatment (duh, who wouldn’t?!).

I’m going to try not to think about it too much though, because even if I’m all “it’s all for the best“, the whole thing sucks (big King Kong size monkey balls!!!).


ImageGawd! Every morning this week I’ve turned the alarm off and gone back to sleep. No time for breakfast… put my face on, find clothes that aren’t too bad and zoom off in my car.

What I miss most is a nice cuppa; at work I have lukewarm water from the coffee machine and milk from small pyramid shaped cartons, but at least the tea’s decent.  I think I might have to go take a walk during lunch, to the candy store a few blocks away from school (yeah, ‘cuz it’s Friday, I’m an adult and I eat as much candy as I please!).

Riiiiiiight, so I should get cracking with any kind of work related thing. But I find myself browsing YouTube for silly gaming videos. I have a few channels I keep coming back to and it always makes me happy when they have something new for me to look at, or when I find an old gem that I’ve missed (I wanna go home to my Xbox!!!).

me3I’m playing Mass Effect (one) again, there are some bugs (not talking about the Rachni here) that annoy the heck out of me, but the story is so AWESOME! I’m sooo in love with that game (which you might have noticed if you’ve read my blog) and I want them to make more games… yes, the original story line is all done, but there’s a whole galaxy out there! Make more Mass Effect games!!! 

Blergh, I’m getting all grumpy here; wishing I was home playing Mass Effect and stuffing my face with candy.

I need a break.

Time to go down to the teacher’s lounge and get another cuppa.


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