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Today was glorious! Sunshine and a light breeze and happiness and sweets and tasty foods and all the good things. 

I’m at camp with one of my youth groups, a two night layover ending with Sunday service tomorrow. 

My room is cold af tho, I think the radiator isn’t working at all… oh well, could be worse. We could have been staying in tents! 

Anyhow, I have a few hours off right now and I’m gonna spend them reading and trying to get warm. 

xoxo 

IMG_1093Midsummer in Sweden is usually a cold and rainy affair (June is our monsoon month after all, though people tend to forget that) but last Friday was unseasonably warm and sunny.

Not that I’m complaining mind, it’s just so very unusual and I for one was taken by surprise. Off came the jeans I had donned in the morning and on came the summer dress I haven’t worn in years (only because I haven’t bothered with mending the torn straps until earlier this year).

We had a lovely Midsummer, wen’t to the celebrations over in Vättlösa and met old friends and simply had a good time.

In the evening my parents came by, bringing Aquavit and strawberries. I ate my weight in new potatoes and pickled herring I think (NO REGRETS!).

IMG_1160Yesterday we went to Liseberg, along with friends and their kids. We had the best time and ended up staying over 10 hours at the amusement park! We had burgers and fries for lunch, ate so much sweets and ice cream and slush.
The twins went on so many rides, and so did Pumpkin, though she felt it was a little unfair that she wasn’t allowed on the really extreme ones…
“When I’m their age I’ll go on all those rides!”
“Yes my darling, you will.”

I got 6 books from the library last week and have read 5 of them already, the last one will be read tomorrow I think. It’s a Sarah Dessen favourite: What Happened to Goodbye.
I do wish they’d get all the Sarah Dessen books, along with all three Stephanie Perkins books I love and several other great great great YA writers I love.
I’ll have to talk with my librarian friend and see if I can convince her to get them all.

Another thing I’m trying to do this summer (at least during these six weeks of holiday I have) is to take better care of myself, find a way back to me and like what I see when I look in the mirror. As it is now I’m not very happy with myself.
The biggest issue I have is my skin: my moles and scars. I cannot NOT see it whenever I look in the mirror.
Right now I feel as if nothing I do makes me forget the fact that my skin makes me a freak and when I previously shook off comments I now just want to cry whenever someone says something about me. It’s really mostly young kids who wonder why I have so many “spots” and I tend to tell them that’s just the way it is, I can’t help it anymore than they can help the colour of their eyes.

IMG_1183Maybe I need to go see someone about this, find ways to beat the negative thoughts crowding my mind and making me feel less about myself.
As it is now I’ve even gone so far as to edit/remove moles in selfies before I post them anywhere. I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but I’ve felt better about the pictures, now without the freakish spots all over…

Anyhow, I’m going to finish reading this novel by Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer and cry my eyes out doing so (I’ve read it before and I know how it ends and I know I’ll cry and I’ll read it anyway, because I can!).

xoxo

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I remember a dream I had as a teen (I was maybe 14 or 15).

I’m at the small lake in the neighbouring village, the lake we rode our bikes to during summer, the place to be if you wanted to look at cute boys. In my dream I’m alone, even though it’s the middle of the day. The sun is warming my skin and I feel a breeze playing with my hair.
Come to think of it I don’t think I’m alone at all, there are faceless people swimming and talking and laughing in my peripheral vision. Anyway, I’m sitting on the jetty, almost at the end where it’s deep enough to dive into the murky water.
A boy walks towards me, a boy I really like, although his face is washed out by the bright sunshine, so I can’t be sure it’s the boy I’m crushing on at the time. He might be some generic dream version of boys I fancy (tall, dark, big grinned, funny boys), it doesn’t really matter, does it?
In my dream he sits down next to me, I smile at him and he smiles back. Then he leans in and kisses me. It’s The Perfect Kiss (well, duh what other types of kisses are there in perfect summer type dreams).
Then I woke up and spent weeks at trying to figure out who the boy was and if this was proof of my clairvoyance and if someone actually liked me, like that…

Sadly I never experienced a perfect kiss by a perfect boy on a perfect summer’s day out on the jetty (there are other kisses at other times, but nothing like the kiss in my dream).
I wish I could have this dream again, because it was a really good one. Wouldn’t that be nice? I can’t think of another dream I’d like to relive, this one has just stuck with me through the years.

I do have an excellent memory from the same village, but I was 17 and there’s no kissing involved. There are a couple of boys in this memory and I had a crush on one of them, but this time I had left them behind at the house we were staying at (we were supposed to be camping but summer nights in Sweden can be quite cold, so we walked 4 km to spend the night on the floors of this house).
A friend of mine, we weren’t great friends, but that night we were The Best Of Friends. Do you know what I mean? We talked and talked and talked and as the sun rose we sat on a fence looking out over the morning mist dancing over the moor and everything was simply perfect.
After a while some of the boys found us and one of them put his arm around my friend. The boy I was crushing on walked beside me back to the house, we didn’t speak. And I wonder what he would have done if I had kissed him there in the rising sun…

I don’t think I’ve felt more beautiful or alive as that morning, I felt life rushing through me, filling me to the brim and making me love every second of it. It’s a good memory.

Anyhow, I’m writing a lot right now. And that makes me happy.

xoxo

PrincePurpleRainI know many think this is odd and over the top, but the death of Prince has been the single worst thing that’s happened to me in almost forever.
A tweet said (I’m paraphrasing here): “I don’t want to live in a world where Prince can die.” and this is how it feels.
He played such a big part of my growing up/teens, his music, his style and lyrics have carried me through so much shit and he held my hand through the good times.
As it is right now I can’t hear his music without crying, but at the same time I want to listen to him and never ever forget how his music makes me feel alive.

I was 13 or 14 when I happened upon Purple Rain on the telly, it was pure magic. Purple magic. I couldn’t stop obsessing about the songs or Prince but I had no one to share my obsession with. None of my friends got it, they were too busy with their own obsessions and musicians, which was all fine and dandy.
More Prince for me!
When my class went on a school trip to Denmark I hurried to record stores to see what Prince albums they had there and how many I could afford to buy. Most classmates were more concerned in buying booze, or Danish pastries.
I only bought the one CD: The Love Symbol album O(+> and I played in on my disc Walkman until I knew all the lyrics by heart.

My favourite Prince songs, in no particular order, are (I can’t pick one, who could?):

  • Sometimes it snows in April
  • Raspberry Beret
  • 7
  • Purple Rain
  • Get Freaky
  • When doves cry
  • Diamonds and pearls 
  • Morning papers 
  • Starfish and coffee
  • Gold 

2016 has been a shit year when it comes to people I look up to dying, it needs to stop with the killing off my favourites. Like really.

There’s groovy music in heaven now, for sure.

Anyhow, it’s stupid cold for April and I’m not impressed with any of it. What’s the  point of a jean jacket if I keep freezing my bum off every time I wear it? Hmpf…

xoxo 

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I’ve been blown away by the response I got to my previous blog post (the one where I went on about not having anyone to hang out with). I can’t remember when I had so many people respond to and share my blog, if ever. There have been a bunch of private messages, twitter responses and even a handwritten letter (thank you darling, I’m writing back asap).

Apparently there are quite a few people out there who appreciate me and what I do, they just don’t say it very often (which has Pnub being correct in stating that the introverts I have forced my friendship upon befriended like me but hardly ever say it).

So, I feel better about myself. And I love you all very much. My tribe. ❤

My recent hangup is writing a Valentine’s Day piece for Saturday Scenes. I have a story and I’m jumping all over its timeline to get words down, usually I write most things chronically. But I guess this is a good thing, I’m a step or two out of my comfort zone and this has me working hard to finish it. It’s going to be a short thing, but maybe I’ll expand it, add scenes, if I like it well enough.

Also I’ve read a lot of books on Kindle (this weekend I think I managed to get through 6 or 7). It irks me that most e-books I find are part of a series. I do not have the time or the inclination to devote time on a book series with 667 573 476 books in it.

Trilogy, maybe, but with my luck book 3 isn’t published yet and waiting several months for the ending is not for me. At least not at the moment (patience can bite me).

Idoitnowf you have an e-book you think I ought to give a try, please tell me so. I mostly read romance and YA on Kindle. Sci-fi is also a deep well of pleasure when it comes to reading.

Anyhow, I’m going to write some on this Valentine’s story before heading to bed.

xoxo

wpid-wp-1426269219986.jpegToday has been a day filled with The Sad. A kind of sadness that results in restlessness and a wish to get away from everything. Most of all I wished for someone, a friend, to just sit with me and say nothing, just sit there in quiet understanding and maybe let me cry a little.

But since Fridays are my days home with Pumpkin () that wasn’t possible. Instead we went and borrowed the pram from my parents-in-law and set off for a long walk after lunch. As I hoped she fell asleep quickly and I could walk on, music in my ears and the sun in my face.

The last couple of days have been wonderfully sunny (with strong winds) and the knowledge of days getting longer and brighter brings happiness, in the middle of feeling sad (I know, I’m so weird and shizzle, but I don’t know what to do about it).

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One great ting today (and every Friday) is going to the stables with Princess. I get to work with the horses and take care of them and hug them and snuggle and sniff them…

God I wish I could have the time to take riding lessons myself! I miss horses so much! Today Princess and I had King to take care of and she got to try jumping for the first time. To see the joy in her eyes after the first proper jump – priceless!

Anyhow, the rest of the night is most likely going to be spent translating a piece of my poetry from Swedish to English. It’s a longer prose poem and I’ll be trying to find just the right words to give it the same feeling in English as it has in Swedish.

Might post it somewhere after I’m done…

And go give someone you care about a hug, or text them, or write them a postcard, or think of them so hard that they’ll feel it.

xoxo

Gothenburg Book Fair, the best place on earth!

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Man, the line seemed never ending!

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Writers, un unruly bunch…

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Suddenly this random guy handed us free tickets! The kindness of strangers… thank you who ever you were.

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Okay, so lots and lots and lots of people. I was told today (Sunday) was what Saturdays usually are like, Saturday had been a madhouse (they had to close the doors and not let any more in!).

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I made a friend (?) at the Science Fiction Bookstore… I think it’s friendly anyway.

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Who could belive these small bags of books would be so heavy (happiness is lots of (unread) books)!

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Since we didn’t have seats next to each other we sat in the Bistro, it’s only one hour by train anyway.

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And here they are!

In English:
Ocean at the end of the lane, Neil Gaiman
Sandman comic books parts 3 and 4, Neil Gaiman
Dwarves 4th book, Markus Heitz
A Memory of Light, Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson

In Swedish:
Svartkonst, Jonas Lejon
Där drömmar föds, Daniel Svanberg
Författaralmanacka, Ingalill Enbom
Förlåtelse, Desmond & Mpho Tutu
Archie, Bitte NJ
Isme, Bitte NJ
Riddarsvärdet, Kim M Kimselius
Boudicas sista strid mot Romarna, Kim M Kimselius
Mayafolkets hemlighet, Kim M Kimselius

Anyhow, I have some light reading to do… see you on the other side!

xoxo

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We’ve had +30C these last few days. It’s been glorious and incredibly hot. The mornings we’ve spent outdoors playing, midday inside trying to keep cool and in the afternoons we’ve gone swimming.
I truly love summer.

Last night we went to a bbq, there were three families all in all and we had a wonderful time. The other two knew each other well, so we were sort of “the new guys”, but they are such sweet people and made us feel right at home.
I made banoffee pie (my drug of choice at the moment) and there was a big Omnomnom – all gone!

It was midnight before we all went to bed, so today is a wee bit on the quiet side. We talked about going swimming, but that’s after Pumpkin has had her nap.

Anyhow, I’ll just sit here out back and listen to the wind in the trees and love everything about the world.

xoxo

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After realising (and accepting!) that my waistline will never ever ever ever go back to where it was before my kids were born, I cleaned out my wardrobe of clothes that won’t fit me anymore.

There weren’t that many items to clear out, but none the less I removed those I’ve clung on to (wishing they’d fit me again someday). Also I’m quite sure they have had some sort of sentimental value to me, though I can’t for the life of me figure out what that could be…

In addition to this I threw away a few clothes that were too old and ugly to be given away (the pretty clothes will be handed in to a second hand store). One pair of jeans got cut off into shorts, because before you know it summer’s here and you’d want to wear shorts.

We’ve had lovely weather these last few days. Sunshine and temperatures that make you believe spring is around the corner, if not here already!

I feel my soul stirring, my level of happy increasing every hour the sun is shining. I love spring!

xoxo

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We took a walk.
Pumpkin refused to nap and feeling she’d benefit from a little sleep I bundled her up and took her out. After 15 min she was fast sleep and I realised it was a glorious day.

The snow’s melted away and I think that’s a little too soon, give me one month and I’d be alright with it (snow in March is not fun). But the sun’s shining, the wind’s not too cold and the sky’s a lovely blue colour.

Life is good.

Next week we have winter/spring break, it’s a week off school (though I work Mon- Tue) and we’re planning on visiting my parents next weekend. Probably just eating and playing in the woods outside of their house, but it’s something different from our usual routine.

Anyhow, off to get the twins from a birthday party (in our “new” old/used car).

xoxo

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