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IMG_5717Springtime. Foggy and cold mornings, sunny and warm afternoons. Me being all happy and shit one second, only to wanting to crawl into a corner and cry the next. Life is as it is, mostly good, sometimes great and often nothing but alright. Still, I overthink and worry and feel like shit.

I’m worried my lack of dreams will have me be this mediocre person for the rest of my life. Others seem to dream big and live big, and all I want is a cuppa tea and friends. Are my dreams and goals and wishes too small? Must we all dream big?

Sure I’d like to publish, but not enough for me to go through it all and self-pub. And sure, I’d like to finally get my degree, but not enough for me to actually contact my Uni. And yeah, I’d like to have nice and stylish clothes, but not enough to clean my wardrobe out and start afresh.

I would love to travel more, meeting people and eating food. But I also know that I’ll have time for that when the horde is older (we’re going on a family trip this year, so there will be travelling). I asked mum if she’d like to go to London with me in the Autumn, she said yes, so now I guess it’s all about finding a decent priced trip. 

And we do little things with the family all the time. I’m actually a homebody, preferring to not leave my house unless I have to, so this travelling bug biting me is also kinda weird.

Work has been good, I am so happy to be working where I live, but I’ve also wondered if I’m where I ought to be. Is there even such a place for us? Maybe we just do the best with where we’re at and that makes us happy/content? Hard easy questions…

IMG_5764I miss my irl friends. I miss them a lot. We live quite a ways apart, so it’s hard to meet up. And all I want is to have tea with them and just sit and talk, or not talk, just sit. To sit down with someone who knows me, who just gets me and that I know and get in return. There’s real comfort in that.

I’ve been listening a lot to music, it’s really just the same old songs that I always listen to, maybe mixed with a couple new songs, but knowing the lyrics make me feel better about everything. I just wish I could go listen to them live. But it’s hard when many if them don’t even exist anymore… shit, I still can’t listen to Prince without crying my eyes out.

Good thing though is that I seem to be entering a productive period when it comes to writing, ideas pop up and stay with me. Maybe I’ll finish a few projects I have lying about.

Anyhow, I need to lunch and soon my car’s back from having its tyres swapped (no more icy roads, I hope) and I can do the stuff at work I left for today.



IMG_20140201_194458…how much I love you. 

Or maybe not.

That could get awkward and it would most definitely expose my stalkerish nature. But then that’s sorta what the interwebz is all about, isn’t it? Finding people you luuurv and then go find them all over and just like, plus, love, retweet E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G they say. I don’t know. 

I do have a few people that live otherwhere on the planet (and country) that I really want to meet and squeeze (a little and gently). Then we’d have coffee/tea/iced drinks and talk and laugh and talk some more. (I love yous!

In other news.
It’s been raining every day for two weeks and frankly, I’m getting tired of that water falling from the sky. Yes, yes! I get it! Summer is over. Autumn is here and all the light will soon be a memory to retrieve during those long winter nights.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Autumn. I really do. But I want days with sunshine and stolen warmth next to brick walls, a cool breeze stroking my cheek as I walk the path from Varnhem (if you go clickety there will be pictures) up towards the hills and over the creek. I want to follow the flying V of birds with the sun warming my back and tea steaming from my thermos. 
What I’m saying is that I miss the sun. A lot. 

Anyway, Pumpkin is going back to daycare tomorrow and the twins start school again on Wednesday. In one way it’s sad that summer is over, in another I’m glad they’re out of the house. They’ve been so fed up with each other these last two weeks and fought more than played.

They drive me insane, but I’d go mental without them.


  • I would love to be able to live off my writing.
  • I wish we had enough money for me to be able to go all in.
  • I want my dreams to be made of chocolate (that way I can eat them if they don’t come true).

    In America dreams come true...

    In America dreams come true…

Today I have two things: rewrite my application letter (need to add some things to make it better) and write my short story for James. I got really excited when I found out that the way I saw things were close to what he wanted (the switching genres part of the story). Great minds think alike, eh? 

I really need to get my hair cut, my fringe is in my eyes and I have to search for hair clips every morning (no, I never remember where I put them the night before). This time I’m not going to get it coloured, it’s the middle of summer and the sun’s going to mess my hair up enough as it is (if you didn’t know before you’ll know now: the sun bleaches your hair and dries it out, making it more brittle – you don’t need to add chemicals at all, nature does it all for you).

I’ve been told to cut my own hair, but no. Ain’t gonna happen. Because I don’t want to look more of a freak than I already do (no comments on that. Please).

I managed to finish my letter, now it’s off to the printer (that’s right, they won’t accept applications via email. Only snail mail). I hope, hope, hope they find me interesting enough to at least ask me to come for an interview…

or: They’ll hire me, I’m AWESOME!

Anyhow, time to continue writing on that short story. Or maybe continue on the one I started writing in bed last night (I love Google Drive and Evernote, they make writing in bed on your phone sooo easy).


Right. Priorities. I need to make a list of things that need doing and then in what order they need to be done (boooring).

  1. Edit uni essay
  2. Print papers for parent-teacher meetings
  3. Correct papers
  4. Edit short story for competition
  5. Finish writing novel

I really (really really) wish I could turn that list around, delete most of it and just do what I love. Anyone up to donating a crapload of money, for me to follow my dream and not have to deal with trivial things like work?


I’m quite sure there’s someone out there with more money than they need and I on the other hand would exactly know what to do with some of it. I’ll just keep hoping for it then…

The missing essay turned up, the student had taken it home with her… not my fault then after all (which is what I’ve claimed all along). On the other hand, I should have double checked the pile. Or, nah. I can’t be bothered anymore. It’s been found, it’ll be sent off and that’s the end of that.

ImageSomething I’ll miss about this place is the printer/copier; it’s brill to have when I want to print my own stuff and proof read my texts. I can do that to some extent on the screen, but after a while I go all cross-eyed and miss mistakes. If it’s printed it’s easier to read. Today I printed one of my shorts, it’s a little over 9000 words and that’s WAY too much to proof read on screen.

Anyhow people, the day’s begun and I have stuff to do (all super boring and paying the bills).



So I found out the other day that there’s little chance of me teaching at my school come August. We have few students applying to our school and too many language teachers. On the other hand they’re not saying I’m fired, just that unless someone quits or we get more students, there won’t be any classes for me (yeah, I’ll just hold my breath now then, shall I?).

Am I upset? No. I’ve not really been happy there the last couple of years (I’m not going to go into that now, I still work there..) and I’d rather see this as an opportunity to try working at another school, or even do something else. My dream would be to be able to write for a living, a dream I’m shelving at the moment due to the Horde (my kids that is) and taking uni courses.

I’ve gotten to know quite a few people these last few years that have the same dream I do: to live on their writing. Some have been published, others refused, a couple haven’t even been in contact with publishers, but all carry their stories and hopes close to their hearts. I wish them all luck, and joy, and that their muse never leaves them.

My writing has been almost nonexistent until just recently. I wrote a couple of short stories (SF all of them) and I’ve sent two of them to competitions. It would be so cool to win, or even be acknowledged as being a good writer. Friends and family say I write good stories, but even though I don’t think they’d lie about it, they’re still biased. I need someone I trust to be completely honest and “professional” to say it, for me to truly believe it’s true (am I being the biggest snob here?).

Tonight I’ve been working at home, I have audio files to get in order to be sent off to Argentina for examination. The IB Program has the funniest way of dealing with everything…

Anyhow, I’ll leave you with an awesome song by the Foo Fighters.