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This is from today, at around 3PM. The sun was setting and as I’m writing this it’s pitch black outside. 

We had snow in the beginning of November, which was real nice since it made all the darkness go away a bit. Now it’s all rain and dark and miserable feelings all day every day… kinda, sorta, maybe. 

We’ve had sunny days, sure, but most days have been wet and rainy and foggy and meh. 

Right now I’m at the swimming pool, there’s a gym there too and an aerobics room in which my girls take ballet classes (Princess is still at it, Pumpkin is done and has been sitting here with me almost half an hour already). 

I did my shoulder physiotherapy as my youngest had her class. It’s getting better and I’m getting stronger, but now my shoulder hurts if I sit still for too long… like playing video games. Yay. 

Speaking of which. I just finished Mass Effect 3 today (again, for the umpteenth time). And I cannot wait for Mass Effect Andromeda to arrive next year! 

Sometimes I think I ought to branch out and try other games, but then I think why? I love ME and DA and they always make me feel better (happier) when I play them. 

Well. 

Maybe I need to find more people to hang out with instead? Maybe I need to “people” more? I miss having people who get me around. My days are filled with nothing but normals… it’s exhausting being the weird one every single day

I miss the people I only talk with online. I miss not having them here with me. I miss irl convos and laughter. 

Anyhow, ballet class is almost over. I need to get the girls home and shower and feed us. Maybe my sads is because I’m freaking hungry? 

xoxo 

I have the stupid sads and nothing is helping. It’s like I’ve crawled head first into a hole and now I’m stuck, no amount of bum wiggling will get me out to see the light of day. 

Ugh…

All I want is to stay in bed. 

But I wake up tired and get out of bed and get dressed and put makeup on and eat breakfast (okay okay, I have a cuppa tea) and take littlests hordling to school and go to work and go through the motions and then I can’t sleep at night and I wake up tired the next day. 

Hubs thought I ought to take vitamins, which won’t hurt so I do. But I’m thinking I might need to go talk to someone, exercise more, find the happy again. 

I don’t know. 

Anyhow, one of my stories is coming along nicely and I really wish I could focus on that and nothing else. I’ll dream on… 

xoxo 

I know I’m tired and it’s late-ish and dark and I’m listening to depressing songs on Spotify… but the sads are a thing. 

I miss my friends from my old job. They were arses (lovely ones) some days, but mostly they were just plain gorgeous. I miss having people who GET me. There are no nerds at my current job… 

I play the adult 24/7 and ohmygod is it boring. I feel the crazed Potterhead, the sci-fi freak, the video game nutter wanting to break out and I don’t know how to do it. Must I crack open my blue lip cream and unicorn glitter eyeshadow? 

Anyhow, I’ll continue listening to these sad sad songs and read my ebook until bedtime. And tomorrow I’ll go back to pretending to have my shit together. 

xoxo 

So, October. 

Darkness and pretty leaves. So far it’s not too bad, the days have been sunny and even though yesterday was chilly and this morning had frost it’s still been nice. 

I wish for an autumn with colourful trees, where the leaves stay on for quite some time. But it’s been dry and if the frost becomes a thing leaves will start falling by the buckets. 

I’ve always had a hard time with the coming darkness. November is usually very dark and gloomy, with no colour but brown, grey, black and white. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but somehow I need to prepare myself for it. I need to stock up on sunshine and colours. 

Also, let’s hope this winter comes with a decent amount of snow. That would brighten everything up nicely. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get back to writing more (as in every day) and so far it’s going alright. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep it up, it makes me happy. 

xoxo 

giphy-9This morning I was so very very very tired (not an unusual occurrence in the mornings for me) and I seriously debated not leaving my bed all day, but then Pirate came and asked if he could watch cartoons and I had to drag my sorry self out of bed and rustle up breakfast for the horde. Husband beat me to it though and all I had to do was sit down and drink my tea (bless him).

There’s not been much in the way of work for me this week, which is awesome in a “I’m a lazy bitch” kind of way. The not so awesome part is Pumpkin having a fever and having to stay home from preschool, she’s much better today though. Tomorrow we’re celebrating her 4th birthday and we bought sweets to decorate her cake with when we went shopping earlier today (her actual birthday is November 30th).

Last year she had a Spider-Man/Harry Potter themed party, this year it’s Frozen all the way… but whatever makes her happy. It is her birthday, I can have a Harry Potter one when it’s my birthday (in April). Oh wouldn’t it be so cool! I could dress the kids up and have husband be Dumbledore, or Snape, or Neville! And I’d be Luna, because she’s my spirit animal.

I’m still stuck on The 1975, I’ve added so many of their songs to my writing playlist, which is what I play when driving (I also sing along to every song on that list, it’s the best thing, just belting out great songs in the car). Whenever I come across great music I add to this list, it’s past 4h in playtime atm. Before The 1975 I added Roxette, another favourite of mine, love their ballads.

I’m not going to make NaNoWriMo this year, unless I write 25.000 words before Monday… Hahaha! I know! What was I thinking? If I barely have time for writing as it is, how would I manage 50.000 words during November?!

Good thing though is that I am writing. Yesterday before youth group I managed a fair share of words, and I’m taking time today to write more. My brain is tuned into writing too, which means I get ideas all the time and feel joy when I do get to write.

Most of Wednesday however was spent playing Dragon Age Inquisition. That game. So good! This time around I’m a Qunari mage, female, and romancing The Iron Bull. But every time I come across Commander Cullen my heart skips a beat and I want to crawl into the game and jump him. He’s been bae since Dragin Age Origins.

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I might have to start over again and play a human or elf, I cannot resist him!

Anyhow, we’re approaching lunchtime and I need to wrestle up some food for Pumpkin, husband and I. And then write. And maybe, maybe, I’ll allow myself a little Cullen Dragon Age…

xoxo

Rainstorm.

Today is so dark. Like November decided to come at us with a vengeance. And this rain. I had hoped for a lot more of that delicious sunlight. I need sunlight! Don’t think it helps that I most definitely feel like I have the worst case of The Monday’s, ever.

Today I can’t get anything written on my NaNo piece, it’s stuck and I don’t know how to get back at it. So I’ll write something on another text and hope that this will make my brain jump start.

Anyhow, better make more tea and get writing.

xoxo

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I’m 2000 words over my own goal, which feels nice, but I haven’t had much time to write.

Today my youngest wouldn’t take her nap, so I only got about 1h of writing time (I had hoped for at least 2). I am trying at this very moment to get a few more words in, the horde is watching a movie and if they don’t fight or get bored or fall off the sofa this might work out in my favour…

Anyhow, I really should get back to that last scene that need writing… so close, so very close.

I might have spent some of my writing time with watching Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows pt 2 (and crying my eyes out when Harry is watching Snape’s memories, because OMG do I love that scene, both in the book and in the film!!!).

I haven’t watched the whole of pt 2, the kids ran about and it’s not really a children’s movie. I will though, I must.

xoxo

3 things I NEED

  1. My own weight in chocolate (which, without saying how much I weigh, is an substantial amount). I shall eat this chocolate all by myself and then not have any feelings of regret as my skin breaks out and my trousers won’t fit.
  2. Buckets and buckets and buckets of lovely tea. I’ve today run out (THE HORROR!!!) of my favourite tea, I even forgot to get more when we went to the shops this evening… I suck.
  3. To not have a life so I can give all my time to writing. The last couple of days I’ve written no more than 70 words (I’ll never make it before deadline!) and I really really need to pick up the pace. The story’s there, just not in written form.

Next week I have a full day at uni (whoppie doo) and I have crapload of things that need doing before November is over (not only short story wise).

Anyhow, I only went to work for a few hours to sort shit stuff out, tomorrow is one of my long and action packed days. Starting at 8 AM and ending at 9.30 PM… I’m thinking I need to get me one of those bags of vinegar crisps to get me through the day… mmm, vinegar crispssssss!

 

xoxo

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