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I should have blogged about the end of my holiday a week and some days ago, but life’s been hectic and starting work again meant stress has mounted.

I don’t think I’ve ended a holiday on such a high before. It took days to land.

The Goo Goo Dolls did a European tour this summer, and played two shows in Sweden. Hubs and I went to the one in Gröna Lund, Stockholm.

And it was the best gig I’ve even been to. Ever.

Not that I’ve been to too many shows by bands I like (we’ve mostly seen bands hubs enjoys). Foo Fighters in June were really good and I’m so glad I saw them.

Goo Goo Dolls though. I almost don’t have words to tell you how good I found them.

They played all my favourite songs (but then I like all their music). When John played “Sympathy“, all by himself, I was all giddy with excitement. And Robbie did an awesome job on the songs he sung.

The greatest moment for me though was when John started strumming his guitar and talk about their first big hit. I thought I’d faint right then and there.

Name” is my song. Like, it’s been my go-to song for all the things for so many years and icanteven begin to explain to you how much that song means to me.

I started crying, bawling my eyes out and shaking. Hubs was patting my shoulder, a bit exasperated at my breakdown I think.

I missed recording the beginning of the song and hubs had to take over, as I was deliriously sobbing and had trouble holding my phone (I’m not sharing that video, because it’s not a good quality and as I said, the first bit of the song is missing).

I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like this again. And it’s perfectly okay if I never do. This was the best thing I’ve done (for myself) in years.

I bought myself a t-shirt and I both want to wear it all day-every day and just keep it safe and pretty forever.

My now plan is to get a line from “Name” tattooed on my arm. So I kinda need to research tattoo parlours nearby and get it done. I’ve had the idea rattling around in my brain for years, but seeing them live and having such a great time makes me really want to do it.

I really wish I could share some of these ecstatic feelings with you. I just have so much happiness inside of me!

Anyway, I should get back to this Last Day of Summer Holiday for the horde and make sure it’s a good end of summer for them too.

Take care, hug someone you love and listen to your favourite music.

xoxo

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Christmas has passed. We’re in these in between days that just are, that must be, before we step into the new year.

The picture is from two weeks ago. Winter wonderland. Today it’s all rain and gloom and darkness. We’ve passed the longest night by a week, but it’ll take time before we’ll notice any change.

I’m off work until school starts again, January 9th. Which is so nice. But on the other hand it’s a bit ugh to be at home with three kids that sulk about not finding friends to play with.

I get it, sitting at home isn’t very fun, at least not when you’re forced to hang out with your siblings 24/7. And a lot of families have gone away on holiday or visiting family over Christmas and New Year.

Sometimes I think we’re the only ones who have stayed at home.

I’ve slacked off on my workout routine and I’m paying for it by being in pain and feeling meh. So I went to the gym today and practically cried my way through it. I wish I could think of a way to make that whole experience fun… like reading books is fun, or having tea is fun, or watching films is fun.

Ugh.

Guess my New Years resolution will be to not be such a lazy fat ass. Which means I need to be the total opposite of what I am.

Also. I have a couple of weeks until my next skin checkup, so all the angst associated with that is bubbling up to the surface.

Fun times!

I hate feeling like this, but I honestly don’t know how to deal with it; apart from allowing myself to feel like absolute shit until the checkup’s done. The feelings won’t go away, so maybe just embrace them?

I haven’t taken many pictures of anything lately (not even selfies, which is like super weird). And I know it’s because I feel all these horrible, crying over everything, ugly feelings.

Anyhow, we’re going to town after lunch. So maybe I’ll make an effort, or something…

xoxo

whale-watchI had planned on going to Gothenburg Book Fair tomorrow (that would be Saturday), but I’m so fatigued that the thought of pushing and shoving my way through throngs of book crazy bookworms has lost its appeal.

The Book Fair is the BEST THING all year, and it hurts not going, but I gotta take care of me… I’m going to go get my hair sorted. It’s in need of a cut and a colour and I might buy some makeup too. I need more translucent powder, scraping the pan at the moment.

There are good things happening too tho. I have tickets to The 1975’s concert in Stockholm in February (which makes up for so many other things going pear shaped atm). I’m dragging hubs there, only fair since he’s dragged me along to all kind of concerts with bands I really have no interest in.

 

And in January our good friends are getting married, so there’s a trip to Stockholm happening then too. I love weddings, they’re always so much fun! Also, I’m seeing this as an opportunity to buy a new party dress (YUSSSSS!), dare I go for shoes too? SHOES!!!!!

The twins are off to a birthday party tonight, and I’m thinking maybe I’ll have time for a bath (using the Galaxy bath bomb from Lush) and a read. Yeah. That sounds nice.

Anyhow, I think I’ll have a bit of a read now too…

xoxo

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I remember a dream I had as a teen (I was maybe 14 or 15).

I’m at the small lake in the neighbouring village, the lake we rode our bikes to during summer, the place to be if you wanted to look at cute boys. In my dream I’m alone, even though it’s the middle of the day. The sun is warming my skin and I feel a breeze playing with my hair.
Come to think of it I don’t think I’m alone at all, there are faceless people swimming and talking and laughing in my peripheral vision. Anyway, I’m sitting on the jetty, almost at the end where it’s deep enough to dive into the murky water.
A boy walks towards me, a boy I really like, although his face is washed out by the bright sunshine, so I can’t be sure it’s the boy I’m crushing on at the time. He might be some generic dream version of boys I fancy (tall, dark, big grinned, funny boys), it doesn’t really matter, does it?
In my dream he sits down next to me, I smile at him and he smiles back. Then he leans in and kisses me. It’s The Perfect Kiss (well, duh what other types of kisses are there in perfect summer type dreams).
Then I woke up and spent weeks at trying to figure out who the boy was and if this was proof of my clairvoyance and if someone actually liked me, like that…

Sadly I never experienced a perfect kiss by a perfect boy on a perfect summer’s day out on the jetty (there are other kisses at other times, but nothing like the kiss in my dream).
I wish I could have this dream again, because it was a really good one. Wouldn’t that be nice? I can’t think of another dream I’d like to relive, this one has just stuck with me through the years.

I do have an excellent memory from the same village, but I was 17 and there’s no kissing involved. There are a couple of boys in this memory and I had a crush on one of them, but this time I had left them behind at the house we were staying at (we were supposed to be camping but summer nights in Sweden can be quite cold, so we walked 4 km to spend the night on the floors of this house).
A friend of mine, we weren’t great friends, but that night we were The Best Of Friends. Do you know what I mean? We talked and talked and talked and as the sun rose we sat on a fence looking out over the morning mist dancing over the moor and everything was simply perfect.
After a while some of the boys found us and one of them put his arm around my friend. The boy I was crushing on walked beside me back to the house, we didn’t speak. And I wonder what he would have done if I had kissed him there in the rising sun…

I don’t think I’ve felt more beautiful or alive as that morning, I felt life rushing through me, filling me to the brim and making me love every second of it. It’s a good memory.

Anyhow, I’m writing a lot right now. And that makes me happy.

xoxo

wpid-wp-1426269219986.jpegToday has been a day filled with The Sad. A kind of sadness that results in restlessness and a wish to get away from everything. Most of all I wished for someone, a friend, to just sit with me and say nothing, just sit there in quiet understanding and maybe let me cry a little.

But since Fridays are my days home with Pumpkin () that wasn’t possible. Instead we went and borrowed the pram from my parents-in-law and set off for a long walk after lunch. As I hoped she fell asleep quickly and I could walk on, music in my ears and the sun in my face.

The last couple of days have been wonderfully sunny (with strong winds) and the knowledge of days getting longer and brighter brings happiness, in the middle of feeling sad (I know, I’m so weird and shizzle, but I don’t know what to do about it).

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One great ting today (and every Friday) is going to the stables with Princess. I get to work with the horses and take care of them and hug them and snuggle and sniff them…

God I wish I could have the time to take riding lessons myself! I miss horses so much! Today Princess and I had King to take care of and she got to try jumping for the first time. To see the joy in her eyes after the first proper jump – priceless!

Anyhow, the rest of the night is most likely going to be spent translating a piece of my poetry from Swedish to English. It’s a longer prose poem and I’ll be trying to find just the right words to give it the same feeling in English as it has in Swedish.

Might post it somewhere after I’m done…

And go give someone you care about a hug, or text them, or write them a postcard, or think of them so hard that they’ll feel it.

xoxo

IMG_20140722_103520I’m simultaneously writing three different short stories (or I have three tabs in Google Drive open at the same time and keep going back and forth reading parts of them, occasionally adding words). This works just fine, because for some reason they all complement each other: I’ll be writing something on one of them and suddenly an idea for one of the others pops up and I go write a little on that.

But.

This also means I’m researching for three different stories.

In #1 I need to look at pictures of Sweden in the summer, listen to 90’s music and remember what it was like working in the kitchens (You guuuyyyys! Summer! I want summer now!), #2 requires researching London (THERE’S SO MUCH TO FIND AND GET LOST IN) and for #3 I need to find the perfect film for my main character to suggest to the boy she likes (NETFLIX NETFLIX NETFLIX). Also I keep searching for pictures of people and things, to find attributes etc that I can use for my characters (ballet shoes, blonde hair, hats and coats, airplanes, meadows, cute guys, blue skies, teacups – random shizzle ya know).

Blackbird_2Last night I heard blackbirds for the first time this year. I absolutely LOVE blackbirds! As soon as they start singing you just KNOW it’s spring and the best part of it is that they keep on singing long into summer. Is there anything better than talking a walk in the woods, listening to blackbirds and smelling the greenery all around you? No, there isn’t.

Anyway, we’re at home today, no school and Pumpkin has a nasty cold (ear pain, pink eye, fever) so we never went swimming as we said we would. That’s one of the stinky things about early spring: all the colds and things and stuff that happens. I’m feeling slightly meh myself, stuffy nose and a sore throat.

I Really Don’t Want To Be Sick Right Now! 

We’re having ice cream as the afternoon snack (because sicknesses), although I’m having Strawberry Daiquiri sherbet (because vegan). Better get back to writing my stories then…

xoxo

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Today I found two raspberries in the garden, they were sweet and tart at the same time. I think they were the last raspberries this summer and that makes me a little sad.

I really do love autumn, the colours and the smells and the light can be magical, but summer is always summer. The long days, the almost impossibly short nights, the trips to the beach, not having any time to keep and the slower pace of life during summer vacation.

At the moment it feels like I’m running about doing everything and nothing, and I keep forgetting things (or I keep thinking I have forgotten something and that stresses me out)! I suppose it doesn’t help that I sleep poorly, have never ending headaches (head cold?) and just a feeling of meh

Last week was so intense. The anthology was released (yay yay yay!) and on Saturday we had a release party on Facebook (so much fun!). And on Sunday (was that really only yesterday?) I had two services to go to, work wise, and I was completely spent when I got home at 8.30pm.

It’s almost like it’s all a little too much at the moment, or is it that I need to do more?

I don’t know.

I feel as if I would like (need?) something to look forward to. I’ve had the book release hanging there all spring and summer, but now I’m like: “Huh… what now?” All I see are work things.

Well, there IS Gothenburg Book fair, last weekend in September. I’m hoping to get to go on Sunday (pretty pretty please let me be able to go!). I mean, can it get much better? A whole fair full of books and authors and poets and bookish people!

No, no it can not get any better.

Anyhow, people ask me all the time about the patch on my face. But sometimes they don’t, they just talk to me like they did before, and that my friends is wonderful. The scar is about 5 cm long, but as thin as scars get. It’s gonna heal just fiiiiine.

xoxo

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The reason I haven’t been blogging is that I haven’t sat down at a computer, I’ve only used mine to watch movies on Netflix and listen to music on Spotify, and that doesn’t leave much time for blogging (the once I have published here are written on my phone, which isn’t the best device for writing blog posts). But now I’m back!

Where to start?

Well, I have a job. It’s with the church and I’ll be helping with the kids and youth groups, the choir(s) and parent-kid groups.

It’s 80%, meaning I’ll have one day off (which is good because I’m still studying for my teacher’s degree, study pace at 50%). It’s also about 30 min to drive, but that’s okay. I’m certain I’ll be very happy there. One reason might be the trip they have planned in October… to ROME and ASSISI!!! I mean: OH MY GOD (whatta you know, a little pun). I doubt they make trips like this very often, I’m just very lucky that this is the year they had money to go to Italy.

*happy dance!*

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One thing I like about Summer is that you can go weeks without make-up (I guess others go weeks during other parts of the year, I don’t). I’ve only been using make-up maybe five times during the last two months, and only when I’ve ventured out and about among people. It’s not that I HAVE TO put stuff on my face to feel pretty, it’s because I LIKE to put stuff on my face.

Make-up is so much fun and I love looking at tutorials on YouTube, trying to figure out how I can make that work with the stuff I have at home (I’m not going out to buy gunk just because that’s what they’re using).

And make-up’s the best, if you’re feeling like crap and think you look like crap – a little spit and polish and gunk on your face and you’re as good as new! If you don’t say anything about your bad mood people will think you’re fine, if that’s what you want them to think. Brilliant!

All I have to sort out now is my hair… mum helped me with the fringe. It was a wee bit too long (she on the other hand cut it too short, good thing hair grows out again…) and now it’s just right. The rest of my hair is a complete mess. I desperately need to cut a few cm off and I really don’t know when I’ll have the time for it.

I’m not going to colour it this time, I’m actually thinking of letting my real colour grow back out again, but still. It’ll take 30 min or more to get it done, and the salons where we live are IMPOSSIBLE to get appointments at. I have to try though, I want my hair to be nice when my job starts in two weeks. Hair’s important!

I’ve also started playing through Mass Effect again! I’m now blasting my way through abominations in 3, and I really don’t want it all to end (again). I love love love that game!

Another game I’m really looking forward to is Dragon Age Inquisition! It seems so awesome! I love 1 and 2 (don’t care what people say about any of those two games,  THEY’RE EPIC!). It can’t come soon enough!

The short story for James that I stared to write in the beginning of summer hasn’t really gone anywhere… I got stuck and the mad at it. I might look at it again in a few days. On the other hand I have another story I’m really liking. Not sure what it is… but what I have is great! Maybe this can be another shot at the genre hopping short story I want to write.

Anyhow, it’s getting late and I really need to get some sleep tonight (Pumpkin was awake almost two hours last night… gah!).

xoxo

ImageI’ve been busy. Feeling sorry for myself and limping along hating the fact that almost none of my clothes suit me at the moment (bloody patches and stitches situated in horrid places).

I can’t wear tight trousers because of the patch on my hip, I can’t wear any tops that have too low a neckline (or I CAN, but I don’t want to, ugly ugly bloody patch) and I have to wear support stockings because otherwise the cut on my ankle won’t heal properly (making it impossible for me to wear anything but trousers AND I CAN’T WEAR THOSE BECAUSE OF THE PATCH ON MY HIP!)… Holy Mother of Crap!!!

Anyhow, I told you the essay was passed and now it’s been edited and sent in to the examiner. He replied that he was satisfied and that he marked it as approved (you can fail, pass or pass with distinction – we’ll never get pass with distinction, but I’m happy we passed AT ALL). *happy dance happy dance!* 

Last week of school for the students next week, I on the other hand work until June 28th. Buuuut I’ll never go back to that place again after summer, so I’m fine with that. *more happy dancing.* I haven’t got a clue as to what I’ll be doing after the 15th of August (that’s when I’m officially unemployed), all I know is that life without certain fother muckers is going to be soooo sweet!

This is such an opportunity! I’m going to take this time and make the most of it: write, read, play with my kids, study, meet people & love life (more)!

Tonight I’m going to sit on the sofa, drink my cuppa tea and watch husband play Skyrim (he’s started over for the umpteenth time, though I can’t blame him this time: he rage quit after the game threw two ice trolls and a Hagraven at him… bless him, poor soul).

Take care now my lovelies!

xoxo

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No time for a meeting yet, have to sort out what I’ll do during summer… do I sit here and stare at the walls or do they pay me off and let me go home (the fother mucker hinted that I’ll be stuck here all summer, staring at walls)? Have to find my union rep first though, where can he beeeeee?

Anyhow, today I’m rocking the vintage look, because I can and because my bangs are getting too long again (why hair, why do you keep growing and changing?!).

I also like the sound my heels make when walking the hallways, it empowering (plus it give me better posture, making me look even better than normal… beware world – here comes AWESOME!).

Best bit today was when a male student shrieked: “Stop walking around, you scare the shit out of me with that power woman walking!” I just told him to shut up and get used to the fact that women have an equal amount of power to men and that he needed to take a chill pill (pffff…).

Now the huge pile of exams is calling for me to correct them (shooooooooooot me!!!).

xoxo

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