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Christmas has passed. We’re in these in between days that just are, that must be, before we step into the new year.

The picture is from two weeks ago. Winter wonderland. Today it’s all rain and gloom and darkness. We’ve passed the longest night by a week, but it’ll take time before we’ll notice any change.

I’m off work until school starts again, January 9th. Which is so nice. But on the other hand it’s a bit ugh to be at home with three kids that sulk about not finding friends to play with.

I get it, sitting at home isn’t very fun, at least not when you’re forced to hang out with your siblings 24/7. And a lot of families have gone away on holiday or visiting family over Christmas and New Year.

Sometimes I think we’re the only ones who have stayed at home.

I’ve slacked off on my workout routine and I’m paying for it by being in pain and feeling meh. So I went to the gym today and practically cried my way through it. I wish I could think of a way to make that whole experience fun… like reading books is fun, or having tea is fun, or watching films is fun.

Ugh.

Guess my New Years resolution will be to not be such a lazy fat ass. Which means I need to be the total opposite of what I am.

Also. I have a couple of weeks until my next skin checkup, so all the angst associated with that is bubbling up to the surface.

Fun times!

I hate feeling like this, but I honestly don’t know how to deal with it; apart from allowing myself to feel like absolute shit until the checkup’s done. The feelings won’t go away, so maybe just embrace them?

I haven’t taken many pictures of anything lately (not even selfies, which is like super weird). And I know it’s because I feel all these horrible, crying over everything, ugly feelings.

Anyhow, we’re going to town after lunch. So maybe I’ll make an effort, or something…

xoxo

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…hi.

So you know. Life. Or I’m not going to blame it all on life. I’m just not very good at this blogging thing, I guess.

Autumn has been good and it’s been exceptionally rough. I think that this year’s seasonal depression thing has been worse than ever.

At the same time I’m all happy and cheerful at work, because work and feeling I have to put up a “brave front”.

Having been sloppy with my workout routine hasn’t helped either.

So I’ve been experiencing pain in my shoulder and that gives me a headache because I grind my teeth.

Fingers crossed I’ll keep it up from now on.

I’m back to writing more. September and October were full months of writing, but then I hit a wall at the end of October. I kinda think I’ve found my way back though. At least I have ideas. That’s something.

Also, I’m back playing Mass Effect Andromeda. My 2nd pt and it’s been good. It does take a while to get into the game, like a good 20h or so. But now I have all the planets and my next big move is going after the Archon.

I do plan on completing as much as possible this time round though. So it’ll be a while before I do that quest.

Anyhow. Christmas is upon us, and life goes on, and another year is soon here… and I guess that’s about it.

xoxo

Well, I’ve had a week and a half of my summer holiday now. And time flies by too fast, I really don’t want this to end at all. 
It’s not like we’ve had excellent weather (it’s sunny but chilly and it really need to rain because the lawn is more yellow than green). 

I just really like being at home. I like getting to chose if I’m seeing anyone today, or if I’m not leaving the house. 

Besides, most of my friends are online (as in living in another country and not really someone you’d pop by to in an afternoon), or they live a 4h drive away, at least. 

I’m trying to figure out where all my childhood friends have gone to. And I realise I didn’t have that many close friends to begin with, three maybe? And they live ways away or I’ve completely lost touch with them. 

I’ve tried to reach out to the one living close by, but she’s so busy with her life that it’s almost impossible for us to find time. I guess she isn’t as interested in rekindling our friendship as I am. 

Ugh. I’ll just give up and cultivate whatever friendships I’ve made online. 


Hubs got me Mass Effect Andromeda a couple weeks back. It’s a very pretty game and so far I’m curious to see what the main story is about. What I have realised though, is that I’m absolutely terrible at FPS games. And I mean ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE

I can’t hit anything even if I threw the gun at them. But fuck that, I’m playing the game anyway and so far the only thing making me rage quit is a Remnant Architect. Mudderhumping three legged piece of robot shit! 

And I’m playing on Easy, so really, I shouldn’t have too much trouble. Why do I even play? Ugh. 

After lunch we’re off on a play date with the girls bffs, and I’ve made friends with the mum so I’ll be sat there drinking tea. 

Anyways, it’s breakfast time here and the horde needs feeding (if I can tear them away from YouTube and tv and other stuff that is). 

Take care, wear sunscreen, drink loads (of tea). 

xoxo 

I’ve worked 12 days in a row, not all of them full days, but I’ve been doing work stuffs every day (an hour here and a couple hours there, constantly thinking about work and feeling I’ve forgotten something). 

Adding the lack of sleep I’ve experienced and you have me so tired nothing is funny. 

There’s a stage when everything is funny, but I don’t know if I’m passed that or if that will come if I stay up long tonight. 

Ugh. Tiredness is the worst. 

I suppose me being tired isn’t helping this constant feeling of having missed something, feeling stressed and frankly I don’t know what to do about it all. 

Thankfully I have this weekend off (so that’s two whole days with nothing planned. Yay.). 

Tonight I was informed there’s a football game on in a few hours, so I guess the TV’s mine until then… 

Mass Effect 3 or Dragon Age Inquisition? 

Anyway, I need tea. A large cuppa tea. 

xoxo 

IMG_0272We’ve had crazy hot weather the last couple of days, the kind where you’re keeping your fingers crossed for thunder to come release you from the humidity.
And tonight it finally happened. Thunderstorm with accompanying rain. There’s a virtual waterfall from our gutter out front. Maybe I ought to go stand out in the rain? It’s nice to let yourself get soak by rain, if you know you’ll soon be dry and warm indoors.

I’ve written quite a lot these last few days, I have two short stories going and one of them is my current Saturday Scenes. Better finish it before I run out of Saturdays… the other one is my Harry Potter fanfic, that one I’m publishing on Archive of Our Own (go clickety if you wanna read, I’ve only posted three short chapters so far). With both of these I’m in the same pickle as always, I start writing without a ready plot and have no idea how they’re going to end…
I wonder if I’ll ever learn to do a outline for my stories, so that I’ll not end up in “what-the-fuck-happens-next land”? Probably not, I rarely learn from my mistakes. *big grin*

This week has been all about cleaning at work. We have to wash all the toys and clean out all the cupboards in all the houses we have groups in. That’s A LOT of toys… but I’m doing it with my buddies so at least there’s company and lots of laughs.
I’m going to miss them so much when I start my new job… love them to bits.

Right now I’m binge listening to Goo Goo Dolls. Seriously, they’ve not one bad song. Too bad they’re not touring Sweden… the closest they get is the UK. I wish I had time/money to go see them in London in October, but that’ll never happen.
Oh well, good thing I have Spotify then.

Anyhow, I got a date for surgery (June 9th). Two moles that need removing, not because they have melanoma, but because my doc thought they looked iffy. Whatever that means. I wish it would all just stop. I don’t need anymore scars, I’ll be at 15 when these have been removed. Yay!
Tonight I’m going to paint my nails and read, or write if my nail polish dries fast enough…

xoxo

2013-09-16 - 1This autumn has been the worst few months in quite some time.

I’m always down this time of year, it’s getting darker and colder and summer’s over and work begins again and… some of you might get what I’m saying.

I’ve stared projects (writing) during this time and everything’s sucked and most things aren’t even close to being done. I haven’t even kept up with this blog (duh!).

I also decided to enter NaNoWriMo this year for some freaking reason and even though I’m at 26.000 words (3 different stories, didn’t have an idea for a novel, so I’m cheating with short stories) I just feel like dropping the whole thing and crawl into my bed. Never to climb out again.

Buuut… family and work and this thing called “life” (don’t talk to me about it) has me getting up in the mornings. I do what I have to and the whole time I just want people to shut the fudge up and leave me alone.

Thank God for internet friends. They never get in your face, they mostly just get you and if you can’t deal you just chose to not interact with them. Not so easy irl, as people tend to get in your face all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, at the same time I love people. Like truly love them. But I haven’t got enough energy to keep my face smiling all the time, or listen to them, or work with them. So I flee to books and video games. These last 3 days I’ve read 6 books on Kindle and started a new character for Dragon Age Inquisition (honestly, that game is life).

After I type this I’m going to see if I can write a little on one of the short stories I have going on, I’m using this particular one for Saturday Scenes at the moment and need to get writing (I didn’t post anything this Saturday, I just… didn’t).

I had this list of things I wanted to get done this autumn, so far I’ve done none of those things and that isn’t really helping my situation. shitpissbuggerfuckall 

Also, this “Cheer up mate, it’s soon Christmas!” has me wanting to punch people in the face. Like really, that’s supposed to help me in any way? Fuck off.

Anyhow, I need to write something (anything) on my short story today, preferably before having to take Princess to the stables. And for those of you who care, The 1975 are my new musical obsession. Makes me wish I was 10 years younger, so I could lust after that cute drummer without feeling like a total cougar…

xoxo

sadgirlbw

A friend of mine wished I’d write more fiction in Swedish, and I do have a story I want to finish. But it’s not looking as if I’ll write many words on it tonight, which sucks because I do know where it’s heading, I just don’t have the energy to get the words down…

I’ve only been back to work two days and I’m already really tired, the thought of having to get up early tomorrow and put “leave the house” clothes on, maybe even makeup, has me wanting to stomp my feet and scream: “I DON’T WANNA!” (like any mature adult person would do).

I’m not really blaming work for my lack of writing, not really, and I suppose I should write the short story instead of blogging. But maybe some of you will get this, this feeling of “meh” I have clinging on to me.

Today I finally had time for a fika (<– go clickety for explanation) with my good friend K. She always gets me in a good mood, she’s just one of those people that just GETS me. We have the similar sense of humour and I can talk to her about anything. Also, I can’t believe I’ve known her for 13 years already! Wow, time flies…

Anyhow, I ought to make an appointment to get an colour and cut for my hair, it’s beginning to bother me. The roots, the mess, the split ends… so I guess I’ll get to it in a month or two.  Also, another tattoo? I’ve given it much thought the last couple of weeks, maybe it’s time for it now. There might be change coming up and I need something to carry me through. I dunno.

xoxo

tiredcatI’m so tired that my tired is tired. 

This week I was at a 3 day seminar/workshop thing (Wednesday to Friday). It’s this year long project we’re doing at work, along with two other dioceses (all in all we’re 9 parishes taking part of the project).

I had a brilliant time, met awesomesauce people and learned much, but I’m completely spent at the moment. We got crammed with knowledge and sitting there in a classroom with 16 other people is quite draining. I kinda feel hungover from the whole ting… is there such a thing as people hangovers? I totally think there should be!

While being at Hjo folkhögskola (that’s where they held the whole thingy) I got to eat GREAT vegan foods, I think I’ll try to recreate some of the things at home. It’s been a little over two weeks being a vegan and it’s easier thinking of things to eat, I’ve also learnt what things are vegan and what aren’t (talking store bought items here) and I’ve found good snacks I can eat between meals.

I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy, it’s not. Especially at moments like these when I’m so very tired and don’t have the energy to think of vegan alternatives to the things the family are eating. It would be sooo easy to drop the whole thing, but I shall prevail!

There are so many people out there in the world who can’t fill their bellies on a daily basis, who almost only eat fast food (thinking it’s the easiest, cheapest way to go) or struggle in other ways. I think of them a lot right now and I donate money to projects working to stop world hunger. Wouldn’t it be great if we could live in a world where every child can eat her fill and no one would have to be stressed about finding something to eat… I pray for that day to come soon.

Anyway, I managed to get a cut and colour on Wednesday! Too bad I can’t style it as well as she did… it was sleeeeek for about two days, then I had to shower and now it looks less tidy. Could someone please give me patience to style my hair in the mornings? Please?!

xoxo

DSC_0088Riiight.

So first of all, Lent (the 40 days leading up to Easter ya know). I’m going vegan this year, which means 40 days of vegan foods. The tricky part isn’t the eating of the foods (because vegan is delish), but to find foods that I CAN eat!

Man oh man are there many foods out there that have eggs or milk or other animal stuff in them, even though you’d think they’d be just veggies… so it’s hard. I suppose I could have done a wee bit more research before jumping onto the vegan train, but I figured I’d make it alright.

If I had more time to actually cook foods I suspect things would be easier… as it is now there aren’t enough hours to the day for me to make meals for me to eat during the week.

But, I’m doing alright, though I might be eating a little less than I should (because all the non-eatable snacks I keep finding). The whole point of this “going vegan for lent thing” is for me to think of all of the people around the world who can’t decide what to eat, who can’t even fill their bellies on a regular basis, and donate money to charity (Svenska kyrkans fastekampanj 2015).

Also I’ve been playing MOAR Dragon Age Inquisition. Played it a second time with a mage and now I’m going rogue, which I wasn’t very keen on doing at first because the first rogue I created sucked monkey balls and I had just done the whole character WRONG… but after doing some thinking and starting over things are looking better and I’m having fun.

Anyhow, I’m gonna go watch a film, or read, or write, or all of them at the same time… while drinking tea.

xoxo

tuchankaFrost is still covering the ground. It’s half past noon on December 1st. I can only hope the cold stays and that we’re blessed with snow soon enough. November was dark. So dark and rainy and gloomy. December has to be so much better in the weather department (or I’ll go on strike!).

Pumpkin turned 3 yesterday. She was hyper all day and a few hours before bedtime she crashed and everything was WRONG! This morning she was her old cheerful self again, she got to wear a dress and it was cold enough for the overall (which she wanted to put on right after breakfast, before brushing her teeth).

Tomorrow I’m going to Uppsala (work thing) and I have to get up at 5.30 to make it… I’m not fond of getting up at “OMG it’s too bleedin’ early o-clock”. But on the plus side of things: hotel breakfast! Yummo! 

Anyhow, I have a galaxy to save (or rather, I’m beating up and shooting things on Tuchanka).

xoxo

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