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Well, I’ve had a week and a half of my summer holiday now. And time flies by too fast, I really don’t want this to end at all. 
It’s not like we’ve had excellent weather (it’s sunny but chilly and it really need to rain because the lawn is more yellow than green). 

I just really like being at home. I like getting to chose if I’m seeing anyone today, or if I’m not leaving the house. 

Besides, most of my friends are online (as in living in another country and not really someone you’d pop by to in an afternoon), or they live a 4h drive away, at least. 

I’m trying to figure out where all my childhood friends have gone to. And I realise I didn’t have that many close friends to begin with, three maybe? And they live ways away or I’ve completely lost touch with them. 

I’ve tried to reach out to the one living close by, but she’s so busy with her life that it’s almost impossible for us to find time. I guess she isn’t as interested in rekindling our friendship as I am. 

Ugh. I’ll just give up and cultivate whatever friendships I’ve made online. 


Hubs got me Mass Effect Andromeda a couple weeks back. It’s a very pretty game and so far I’m curious to see what the main story is about. What I have realised though, is that I’m absolutely terrible at FPS games. And I mean ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE

I can’t hit anything even if I threw the gun at them. But fuck that, I’m playing the game anyway and so far the only thing making me rage quit is a Remnant Architect. Mudderhumping three legged piece of robot shit! 

And I’m playing on Easy, so really, I shouldn’t have too much trouble. Why do I even play? Ugh. 

After lunch we’re off on a play date with the girls bffs, and I’ve made friends with the mum so I’ll be sat there drinking tea. 

Anyways, it’s breakfast time here and the horde needs feeding (if I can tear them away from YouTube and tv and other stuff that is). 

Take care, wear sunscreen, drink loads (of tea). 

xoxo 

I’ve learned something. And though some might think that this is something everybody ought to know, it’s taken me time to actually realise it. 

Although this will probably not mean I’ll take it to heart all the time. (I’m sure there will be days when this lesson is forgotten and I’m back to my old ways.) Hopefully I’ll have more days when I remember than days when I forget. 

I’ll let Newt Scamander tell you what I’ve learned: 


This! 

This is what I’ve learnt. Also, this is what I’ve experienced in the last month or so… 

I’ve worried about stuff, lost sleep and happiness over it, and then they’ve turned out alright anyway. I suppose I’m lucky in that respect: that everything has turned out alright. 

Hubs told me last night that I overthink things. And he’s absolutely right. The thing is that I absolutely hate conflicts, I hate having someone being angry with me. It makes me so very unhappy and anxious. 

And me worrying about work things is me worrying about people at work being angry with me. Everyone fucks up from time to time, this I know, but I hate when I do (because of the maybe conflict that could happen). Ugh! 

I envy those who seem to go through life and not let things like that effect them. But I cannot escape the fact that angry (hateful) words and actions hit me very hard. It’s like I’m not equipped with any tools to shrug them off or ignore them completely. 

This does not mean I’m a pushover. No! I know what I want and where I want to go and who I want in my life. But I chose to ignore and block those irl and online that give off angry/hateful/negative vibes. 

I do not need that in my life.  


Anyhow, I’ve worked today (Sunday service and kid’s choir and stuffs) and now I’m going to not do too much at all. We’re going ice skating later, there’s an outdoor rink one town away. 

So tea and books and love until then. 

xoxo 

img_4906Ugh. January has been rough.

Pirate has suffered an ear infection that wouldn’t go away, we went to see a specialist and they said he was fine. His ears still hurt from time to time, but apparently they can be like that for no reason. So yeah.
Now we won’t know if he has an ear infection or if his ears are just being dumb… fun.

Pumpkin had a stomach bug last weekend, preventing me from going to work on Monday (because stomach bug quarantine) and *this* weekend Princess suffered from the same thing.

So here I am, home on a Monday, feeling the workload piling up on me.
Parenting fun times! 

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One awesome thing about January though, was the wedding hubs and I attended this weekend (the horde had sleepovers at grandparents). Our very good friends (finally) got married and we had an occasion to go to Stockholm and dress up fancy fancy.

It was wonderful, warm and welcoming and so classy. I admire her way of always finding the prettiest things to make everything lovely. Good food and great company.

Also, the chance to dress up in finery comes far too seldom for me. All my pretty shoes are just lying there in the wardrobe, waiting for parties.
I wish it would be sensible for me to wear my heels to work, but alas… trainers are the only  thing that really work.

Today my grandfather (paternal) would have turned 100 years old. He passed away 1989. Just think of all the things he saw when growing up. Everything that changed in the world. Just think of all the things that changed after 1989! Happy birthday grandpa Mauritz!

Time’s a funny thing, moving fast and slow and sometimes you don’t know where it went. This year I’ve been married for 15 years, a mother of twins for 10 and my youngest turns 6 and starts school in August.

And yet, I don’t feel as if time has passed by much at all. What’s changed? Has anything changed? I don’t know.

img_4901The sun will rise and set and the world will turn and we will keep doing dumb shit to  each other. But wouldn’t it be soooo much better if we all just were good to each other.

Be good people. Always.

Anyhow, I need to amuse my hordelings. Princess has expressed a wish to watch Pride and Prejudice (1995) and who am I to refuse her such brilliant watching?

xoxo

Oh well, I knew stitches would suck, but I had kinda forgotten how bad they actually DO suck… 
I’ve had trouble driving (even riding in the car has hurt like a mother) so I had to take Monday off from work. This means I have to work longer days Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. 

And it’s not as if I have TONS of stuff to do, lots of the things needing doing are for next term and I won’t really be there then, will I? 

Tomorrow morning I do have a bit of stuff to do, I’m taking A to have a look see at books and things for the preschool group she’s taking over from me (I’m so totally going to miss her so much! She’s awesome and funny and kind and a lot like me, but 13 years younger). I love you A! 

We’re going out on Friday, five of us from work, and I’m trying to think of what to wear. I’ll still have my stitches so that kinda limits what I have to choose from. Also, this restricts my choice of footwear… I’d love to wear heals, but no way I can manage that right now. 

I’ll most likely end up in jeans and a tee (dare I break out the flannel?) and my Doc’s. Guess I’ll just have to glam my face up or something. 

Anyhow, it seems impossible to get to the UK to see Goo Goo Dolls. Expensive as phukk. My life sucks. 

xoxo

DSC_0031-PANO
I remember a dream I had as a teen (I was maybe 14 or 15).

I’m at the small lake in the neighbouring village, the lake we rode our bikes to during summer, the place to be if you wanted to look at cute boys. In my dream I’m alone, even though it’s the middle of the day. The sun is warming my skin and I feel a breeze playing with my hair.
Come to think of it I don’t think I’m alone at all, there are faceless people swimming and talking and laughing in my peripheral vision. Anyway, I’m sitting on the jetty, almost at the end where it’s deep enough to dive into the murky water.
A boy walks towards me, a boy I really like, although his face is washed out by the bright sunshine, so I can’t be sure it’s the boy I’m crushing on at the time. He might be some generic dream version of boys I fancy (tall, dark, big grinned, funny boys), it doesn’t really matter, does it?
In my dream he sits down next to me, I smile at him and he smiles back. Then he leans in and kisses me. It’s The Perfect Kiss (well, duh what other types of kisses are there in perfect summer type dreams).
Then I woke up and spent weeks at trying to figure out who the boy was and if this was proof of my clairvoyance and if someone actually liked me, like that…

Sadly I never experienced a perfect kiss by a perfect boy on a perfect summer’s day out on the jetty (there are other kisses at other times, but nothing like the kiss in my dream).
I wish I could have this dream again, because it was a really good one. Wouldn’t that be nice? I can’t think of another dream I’d like to relive, this one has just stuck with me through the years.

I do have an excellent memory from the same village, but I was 17 and there’s no kissing involved. There are a couple of boys in this memory and I had a crush on one of them, but this time I had left them behind at the house we were staying at (we were supposed to be camping but summer nights in Sweden can be quite cold, so we walked 4 km to spend the night on the floors of this house).
A friend of mine, we weren’t great friends, but that night we were The Best Of Friends. Do you know what I mean? We talked and talked and talked and as the sun rose we sat on a fence looking out over the morning mist dancing over the moor and everything was simply perfect.
After a while some of the boys found us and one of them put his arm around my friend. The boy I was crushing on walked beside me back to the house, we didn’t speak. And I wonder what he would have done if I had kissed him there in the rising sun…

I don’t think I’ve felt more beautiful or alive as that morning, I felt life rushing through me, filling me to the brim and making me love every second of it. It’s a good memory.

Anyhow, I’m writing a lot right now. And that makes me happy.

xoxo

PrincePurpleRainI know many think this is odd and over the top, but the death of Prince has been the single worst thing that’s happened to me in almost forever.
A tweet said (I’m paraphrasing here): “I don’t want to live in a world where Prince can die.” and this is how it feels.
He played such a big part of my growing up/teens, his music, his style and lyrics have carried me through so much shit and he held my hand through the good times.
As it is right now I can’t hear his music without crying, but at the same time I want to listen to him and never ever forget how his music makes me feel alive.

I was 13 or 14 when I happened upon Purple Rain on the telly, it was pure magic. Purple magic. I couldn’t stop obsessing about the songs or Prince but I had no one to share my obsession with. None of my friends got it, they were too busy with their own obsessions and musicians, which was all fine and dandy.
More Prince for me!
When my class went on a school trip to Denmark I hurried to record stores to see what Prince albums they had there and how many I could afford to buy. Most classmates were more concerned in buying booze, or Danish pastries.
I only bought the one CD: The Love Symbol album O(+> and I played in on my disc Walkman until I knew all the lyrics by heart.

My favourite Prince songs, in no particular order, are (I can’t pick one, who could?):

  • Sometimes it snows in April
  • Raspberry Beret
  • 7
  • Purple Rain
  • Get Freaky
  • When doves cry
  • Diamonds and pearls 
  • Morning papers 
  • Starfish and coffee
  • Gold 

2016 has been a shit year when it comes to people I look up to dying, it needs to stop with the killing off my favourites. Like really.

There’s groovy music in heaven now, for sure.

Anyhow, it’s stupid cold for April and I’m not impressed with any of it. What’s the  point of a jean jacket if I keep freezing my bum off every time I wear it? Hmpf…

xoxo 

where-your-friends-liveI’m a happy-go-lucky type of person most of the time. Life is meant to be lived, people are meant to be talked to and food is meant to be tasted. I’d like to think I make friends easily, that I’m likable and fun and that others want to get to know me. So building friendships is something that comes easy to me.

Once I get over those first few minutes of slight awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time I tend to go all in and befriend them. I know I have scared a few people by being who I am, but most of the time we hit it off and are laughing within a few minutes. I love people, I want to hear their stories and be a part of their lives. 

If someone would ask me if I’m extrovert or introvert I’d claim extrovert, but recently I’ve begun to see myself more introvert. First and foremost it’s because some of the people I hung out with dumped me (yeah, really, I’ve been friendship dumped). In both cases it’s because they found a new love and didn’t need me to build them up and keep them smiling.

I’m really happy they’ve found happiness again, but I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t hurt that they never text me back or interact with me on social media anymore. From being “the best person ever” (actual quote from one of them) I’ve become a nothing. Thanks, cheers, lovely…

At the moment I don’t have the energy to make new friends, because even as an “extrovert” it takes energy to interact with people. I tried to find people (and keep up with the ones I know) online to fill the void of those irl, but it’s hard to keep up a friendship when you are sad a lot. I have met some truly amazing people on the webz and I cherish them, but what I really long for right now is to sit down with someone and drink buckets of tea.

An afternoon or evening watching films and just talking. Taking walks and laughing. Hugs and someone being there, for me. I want someone to ask me how I am, tell me it’s okay to be sad, give me a hug and laugh with me. Online friends are awesome (I truly love mine), but it’s hard to hug someone over Twitter or G+… I wish my bff, The Flutist, lived closer, because she is all those good things.

And I wished my new-ish friend from the library would become a closer friend, I should ask her over, because I feel she could be all those things. But it feels like it’s always me that does the reaching out, the calling and texting and making friends (it feels like that right now).

unicronAm I too much? Too much of a weirdo for the “normals” where I live? Where are all the weird people, the geeks and fan girls (or boys)?

Anyway, I should probably leave it all and accept that all my friends live in Narnia and can only be found by walking through the wardrobe that is the webz. Because they are weird and I love each and every one in here.

xoxo

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We have winter.
Or it snowed enough last night to still be here this morning. Though it’ll melt before the day is done, because it’s not cold enough yet…

Pumpkin was so happy this morning, it’s her birthday (she’s 4 now, I cannot believe how fast time flies!) and she had wished for snow. Fingers crossed the temperature drops tonight, leaving whatever snow that hasn’t yet melted.

The other day a friend of mine made me really happy. It was such a small thing really, but to me it was wonderful.

The power of words. You can do such harm, you can bring such joy. I don’t understand why people aren’t using this for good…

Every day I see vicious and hateful words being spread and said, why? Can’t we just agree on saying good things about each other? How about we build positive connections between us, no more tearing down.

I’m still happy about what they said, it keeps giving me a warm feeling in my stomach and it’s putting a smile on my face. Isn’t this what we all want to feel? Isn’t this what we want others to feel?

Let me start, then you go do the same to someone you think might need a smile…

You are wonderful and funny and smart. Anyone would be lucky to count you as their friend.

Anyhow, things to do… and books to read (so many books to read).

xoxo

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We went to Stockholm earlier this week, just the hubs and I. Lovely lovely days and a great concert. I don’t know when the two of us had a mini holiday together…

We saw Neal Morse band (hub’s the fan, I was just tagging along) and I had a good time too. I had a drink called “Weird At My School” which was super delish, but I wish I had written down what was in it, so I could recreate it at home.

Something rather annoying at the moment is my lack of writing.
I try to make time and open up old documents and new to find any kind of inspiration, but it eludes me…

I have written some poetry though and I’m content with how they turned out. But I’d like to get going on a short story or something. I’ll keep at it, it’s bound to come some time.

I’ve found some of my favorite books as audiobooks and have spent yesterday and today listening to “Anna and the French Kiss” by Stephanie Perkins (you should totally give it a read!).
Now at 11.30pm I’ve begun listening to “Lola and the Boy Next Door” another book by her. Lovely.

Anyhow, I might roadtrip a little next week, if all plans come together as I want them to.
Also I wouldn’t mind having 10 weeks holiday instead of 5, or not have to work at all.
I really want to write…

xoxo

tiredcatI’m so tired that my tired is tired. 

This week I was at a 3 day seminar/workshop thing (Wednesday to Friday). It’s this year long project we’re doing at work, along with two other dioceses (all in all we’re 9 parishes taking part of the project).

I had a brilliant time, met awesomesauce people and learned much, but I’m completely spent at the moment. We got crammed with knowledge and sitting there in a classroom with 16 other people is quite draining. I kinda feel hungover from the whole ting… is there such a thing as people hangovers? I totally think there should be!

While being at Hjo folkhögskola (that’s where they held the whole thingy) I got to eat GREAT vegan foods, I think I’ll try to recreate some of the things at home. It’s been a little over two weeks being a vegan and it’s easier thinking of things to eat, I’ve also learnt what things are vegan and what aren’t (talking store bought items here) and I’ve found good snacks I can eat between meals.

I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy, it’s not. Especially at moments like these when I’m so very tired and don’t have the energy to think of vegan alternatives to the things the family are eating. It would be sooo easy to drop the whole thing, but I shall prevail!

There are so many people out there in the world who can’t fill their bellies on a daily basis, who almost only eat fast food (thinking it’s the easiest, cheapest way to go) or struggle in other ways. I think of them a lot right now and I donate money to projects working to stop world hunger. Wouldn’t it be great if we could live in a world where every child can eat her fill and no one would have to be stressed about finding something to eat… I pray for that day to come soon.

Anyway, I managed to get a cut and colour on Wednesday! Too bad I can’t style it as well as she did… it was sleeeeek for about two days, then I had to shower and now it looks less tidy. Could someone please give me patience to style my hair in the mornings? Please?!

xoxo

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