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I’ve learned something. And though some might think that this is something everybody ought to know, it’s taken me time to actually realise it. 

Although this will probably not mean I’ll take it to heart all the time. (I’m sure there will be days when this lesson is forgotten and I’m back to my old ways.) Hopefully I’ll have more days when I remember than days when I forget. 

I’ll let Newt Scamander tell you what I’ve learned: 


This! 

This is what I’ve learnt. Also, this is what I’ve experienced in the last month or so… 

I’ve worried about stuff, lost sleep and happiness over it, and then they’ve turned out alright anyway. I suppose I’m lucky in that respect: that everything has turned out alright. 

Hubs told me last night that I overthink things. And he’s absolutely right. The thing is that I absolutely hate conflicts, I hate having someone being angry with me. It makes me so very unhappy and anxious. 

And me worrying about work things is me worrying about people at work being angry with me. Everyone fucks up from time to time, this I know, but I hate when I do (because of the maybe conflict that could happen). Ugh! 

I envy those who seem to go through life and not let things like that effect them. But I cannot escape the fact that angry (hateful) words and actions hit me very hard. It’s like I’m not equipped with any tools to shrug them off or ignore them completely. 

This does not mean I’m a pushover. No! I know what I want and where I want to go and who I want in my life. But I chose to ignore and block those irl and online that give off angry/hateful/negative vibes. 

I do not need that in my life.  


Anyhow, I’ve worked today (Sunday service and kid’s choir and stuffs) and now I’m going to not do too much at all. We’re going ice skating later, there’s an outdoor rink one town away. 

So tea and books and love until then. 

xoxo 

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img_4906Ugh. January has been rough.

Pirate has suffered an ear infection that wouldn’t go away, we went to see a specialist and they said he was fine. His ears still hurt from time to time, but apparently they can be like that for no reason. So yeah.
Now we won’t know if he has an ear infection or if his ears are just being dumb… fun.

Pumpkin had a stomach bug last weekend, preventing me from going to work on Monday (because stomach bug quarantine) and *this* weekend Princess suffered from the same thing.

So here I am, home on a Monday, feeling the workload piling up on me.
Parenting fun times! 

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One awesome thing about January though, was the wedding hubs and I attended this weekend (the horde had sleepovers at grandparents). Our very good friends (finally) got married and we had an occasion to go to Stockholm and dress up fancy fancy.

It was wonderful, warm and welcoming and so classy. I admire her way of always finding the prettiest things to make everything lovely. Good food and great company.

Also, the chance to dress up in finery comes far too seldom for me. All my pretty shoes are just lying there in the wardrobe, waiting for parties.
I wish it would be sensible for me to wear my heels to work, but alas… trainers are the only  thing that really work.

Today my grandfather (paternal) would have turned 100 years old. He passed away 1989. Just think of all the things he saw when growing up. Everything that changed in the world. Just think of all the things that changed after 1989! Happy birthday grandpa Mauritz!

Time’s a funny thing, moving fast and slow and sometimes you don’t know where it went. This year I’ve been married for 15 years, a mother of twins for 10 and my youngest turns 6 and starts school in August.

And yet, I don’t feel as if time has passed by much at all. What’s changed? Has anything changed? I don’t know.

img_4901The sun will rise and set and the world will turn and we will keep doing dumb shit to  each other. But wouldn’t it be soooo much better if we all just were good to each other.

Be good people. Always.

Anyhow, I need to amuse my hordelings. Princess has expressed a wish to watch Pride and Prejudice (1995) and who am I to refuse her such brilliant watching?

xoxo

img_20150327_101935This year has been hard on teenage Yheela.
So many of my musical heroes have died, along with some movie heroes too.

Is this what getting old feels like? 

I woke up this morning to the news that George Michael died yesterday.
It was only a few days ago I played his music deafeningly loud in my car.
I’ve cried this morning and I think I might cry again when hearing my favourite songs by him.
It’s almost like with Prince, I still can’t listen to all of his songs without breaking down a little.

Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that the music you listen to between ages 10 and 20 is the music you’ll listen to for the rest of your life. And I’d say it’s true. I have found a few new artists, but they do remind me of my old favourites.

On the other hand, 2016 has been very good to me too. I got a new job (although I did love my old one very much too) in my home parish and looking back I can say this autumn has been a good one.
I’ve made new friends and I’ve learnt new things. As it should be I guess. Now I have a week and a couple of days off before it all starts again.
New year, new opportunities.

Our Christmas was a quiet affair, as per usual. The horde were all happy about their gifts, the twins especially since they got phones. I’ve not seen much of them, they now spend much of their time in their rooms playing games and sending me funny texts.
We did take a walk yesterday though, my son wanted to catch a few Pokémons…

Today I’m taking them all to see ‘Sing’, I managed to book us seats at the local cinema. And if I’m quick I’ll be able to book us seats for one of the other kid’s films they’re showing during the Christmas holiday.

I’d like to go down to Gothenburg some day next week, to check out the sales and just get a change of scenery. Hubs is working though, so I don’t know if it’ll happen. I need to find a party dress for a wedding in January.
It says “dark suit”  on the invite and that means a posh dress (not too short and not floor length) and I do not have one of those. A posh dress that is, mine are all summer dresses and not posh at all.

chichiI checked a few online stores and think I found a brand I like, but looking in a store would be fun too (right now I’m liking these two, but I don’t know if they’re right).

And I’ll get to buy new shoes and jewelry and makeup and hair things and ALL THE GLITTERY STUFFS!

Also, I need to get this hair of mine sorted. Should I keep colouring it? Do I let it grow? Cut it shorter? Argh!

Maybe I ought to be happy my problems are my hair and that artists I like pass away… it’s hard to know your blessings when life meanders on as it should.

Anyway, I need to do stuffs. There’s Lego all over the kitchen from building the sets the horde got for Christmas and there’s laundry that needs folding etc etc…

I wish you all the best, these last days of 2016. ❤

xoxo

This is from today, at around 3PM. The sun was setting and as I’m writing this it’s pitch black outside. 

We had snow in the beginning of November, which was real nice since it made all the darkness go away a bit. Now it’s all rain and dark and miserable feelings all day every day… kinda, sorta, maybe. 

We’ve had sunny days, sure, but most days have been wet and rainy and foggy and meh. 

Right now I’m at the swimming pool, there’s a gym there too and an aerobics room in which my girls take ballet classes (Princess is still at it, Pumpkin is done and has been sitting here with me almost half an hour already). 

I did my shoulder physiotherapy as my youngest had her class. It’s getting better and I’m getting stronger, but now my shoulder hurts if I sit still for too long… like playing video games. Yay. 

Speaking of which. I just finished Mass Effect 3 today (again, for the umpteenth time). And I cannot wait for Mass Effect Andromeda to arrive next year! 

Sometimes I think I ought to branch out and try other games, but then I think why? I love ME and DA and they always make me feel better (happier) when I play them. 

Well. 

Maybe I need to find more people to hang out with instead? Maybe I need to “people” more? I miss having people who get me around. My days are filled with nothing but normals… it’s exhausting being the weird one every single day

I miss the people I only talk with online. I miss not having them here with me. I miss irl convos and laughter. 

Anyhow, ballet class is almost over. I need to get the girls home and shower and feed us. Maybe my sads is because I’m freaking hungry? 

xoxo 

So, October. 

Darkness and pretty leaves. So far it’s not too bad, the days have been sunny and even though yesterday was chilly and this morning had frost it’s still been nice. 

I wish for an autumn with colourful trees, where the leaves stay on for quite some time. But it’s been dry and if the frost becomes a thing leaves will start falling by the buckets. 

I’ve always had a hard time with the coming darkness. November is usually very dark and gloomy, with no colour but brown, grey, black and white. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but somehow I need to prepare myself for it. I need to stock up on sunshine and colours. 

Also, let’s hope this winter comes with a decent amount of snow. That would brighten everything up nicely. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get back to writing more (as in every day) and so far it’s going alright. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep it up, it makes me happy. 

xoxo 

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I’ve been blown away by the response I got to my previous blog post (the one where I went on about not having anyone to hang out with). I can’t remember when I had so many people respond to and share my blog, if ever. There have been a bunch of private messages, twitter responses and even a handwritten letter (thank you darling, I’m writing back asap).

Apparently there are quite a few people out there who appreciate me and what I do, they just don’t say it very often (which has Pnub being correct in stating that the introverts I have forced my friendship upon befriended like me but hardly ever say it).

So, I feel better about myself. And I love you all very much. My tribe. ❤

My recent hangup is writing a Valentine’s Day piece for Saturday Scenes. I have a story and I’m jumping all over its timeline to get words down, usually I write most things chronically. But I guess this is a good thing, I’m a step or two out of my comfort zone and this has me working hard to finish it. It’s going to be a short thing, but maybe I’ll expand it, add scenes, if I like it well enough.

Also I’ve read a lot of books on Kindle (this weekend I think I managed to get through 6 or 7). It irks me that most e-books I find are part of a series. I do not have the time or the inclination to devote time on a book series with 667 573 476 books in it.

Trilogy, maybe, but with my luck book 3 isn’t published yet and waiting several months for the ending is not for me. At least not at the moment (patience can bite me).

Idoitnowf you have an e-book you think I ought to give a try, please tell me so. I mostly read romance and YA on Kindle. Sci-fi is also a deep well of pleasure when it comes to reading.

Anyhow, I’m going to write some on this Valentine’s story before heading to bed.

xoxo

Knäck_during_Christmas_Eve_2008,_closeupWe’re making Christmas sweets today, Knäck (almond toffee) and ordinary chocolate toffee. Tomorrow we make some Rocky Road and maybe some fudge (if I have the stuff for it that is).

Pirate’s off to a hockey tournament and husband went with him, so it’s just me and the girls today. Though Princess is waiting for being picked up  for a play date (they ought to be here any minute, but she’s been waiting since she woke up).

It’s really pretty out today, sunshine and frost. Me and Pumpkin are going to take a walk after lunch, the sun sets at 3 pm, so we need to be quick about it. There’s been to much rain and wind and darkness the last couple of days. And the lack of snow isn’t really helping either.

Honestly. There’s no real Christmas without snow…

I’ve written quite a lot lately, I have two nearly finished short stories (one I use for my Saturday Scenes and thus need to finish soon-ish). Yesterday I managed three poems, one in Swedish and two in English. Funny thing about that. When it comes to prose I write just as well in both languages. But poetry, I have to work at it to have it work in English. Guess my feelings are closer to the surface in Swedish…

Anyhow, I should start thinking about lunch. Since the sweets are all done I have free time to write or play video games. We’ll see about that after lunch and a walk.

xoxo

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We have winter.
Or it snowed enough last night to still be here this morning. Though it’ll melt before the day is done, because it’s not cold enough yet…

Pumpkin was so happy this morning, it’s her birthday (she’s 4 now, I cannot believe how fast time flies!) and she had wished for snow. Fingers crossed the temperature drops tonight, leaving whatever snow that hasn’t yet melted.

The other day a friend of mine made me really happy. It was such a small thing really, but to me it was wonderful.

The power of words. You can do such harm, you can bring such joy. I don’t understand why people aren’t using this for good…

Every day I see vicious and hateful words being spread and said, why? Can’t we just agree on saying good things about each other? How about we build positive connections between us, no more tearing down.

I’m still happy about what they said, it keeps giving me a warm feeling in my stomach and it’s putting a smile on my face. Isn’t this what we all want to feel? Isn’t this what we want others to feel?

Let me start, then you go do the same to someone you think might need a smile…

You are wonderful and funny and smart. Anyone would be lucky to count you as their friend.

Anyhow, things to do… and books to read (so many books to read).

xoxo

giphy-9This morning I was so very very very tired (not an unusual occurrence in the mornings for me) and I seriously debated not leaving my bed all day, but then Pirate came and asked if he could watch cartoons and I had to drag my sorry self out of bed and rustle up breakfast for the horde. Husband beat me to it though and all I had to do was sit down and drink my tea (bless him).

There’s not been much in the way of work for me this week, which is awesome in a “I’m a lazy bitch” kind of way. The not so awesome part is Pumpkin having a fever and having to stay home from preschool, she’s much better today though. Tomorrow we’re celebrating her 4th birthday and we bought sweets to decorate her cake with when we went shopping earlier today (her actual birthday is November 30th).

Last year she had a Spider-Man/Harry Potter themed party, this year it’s Frozen all the way… but whatever makes her happy. It is her birthday, I can have a Harry Potter one when it’s my birthday (in April). Oh wouldn’t it be so cool! I could dress the kids up and have husband be Dumbledore, or Snape, or Neville! And I’d be Luna, because she’s my spirit animal.

I’m still stuck on The 1975, I’ve added so many of their songs to my writing playlist, which is what I play when driving (I also sing along to every song on that list, it’s the best thing, just belting out great songs in the car). Whenever I come across great music I add to this list, it’s past 4h in playtime atm. Before The 1975 I added Roxette, another favourite of mine, love their ballads.

I’m not going to make NaNoWriMo this year, unless I write 25.000 words before Monday… Hahaha! I know! What was I thinking? If I barely have time for writing as it is, how would I manage 50.000 words during November?!

Good thing though is that I am writing. Yesterday before youth group I managed a fair share of words, and I’m taking time today to write more. My brain is tuned into writing too, which means I get ideas all the time and feel joy when I do get to write.

Most of Wednesday however was spent playing Dragon Age Inquisition. That game. So good! This time around I’m a Qunari mage, female, and romancing The Iron Bull. But every time I come across Commander Cullen my heart skips a beat and I want to crawl into the game and jump him. He’s been bae since Dragin Age Origins.

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I might have to start over again and play a human or elf, I cannot resist him!

Anyhow, we’re approaching lunchtime and I need to wrestle up some food for Pumpkin, husband and I. And then write. And maybe, maybe, I’ll allow myself a little Cullen Dragon Age…

xoxo

2013-09-16 - 1This autumn has been the worst few months in quite some time.

I’m always down this time of year, it’s getting darker and colder and summer’s over and work begins again and… some of you might get what I’m saying.

I’ve stared projects (writing) during this time and everything’s sucked and most things aren’t even close to being done. I haven’t even kept up with this blog (duh!).

I also decided to enter NaNoWriMo this year for some freaking reason and even though I’m at 26.000 words (3 different stories, didn’t have an idea for a novel, so I’m cheating with short stories) I just feel like dropping the whole thing and crawl into my bed. Never to climb out again.

Buuut… family and work and this thing called “life” (don’t talk to me about it) has me getting up in the mornings. I do what I have to and the whole time I just want people to shut the fudge up and leave me alone.

Thank God for internet friends. They never get in your face, they mostly just get you and if you can’t deal you just chose to not interact with them. Not so easy irl, as people tend to get in your face all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, at the same time I love people. Like truly love them. But I haven’t got enough energy to keep my face smiling all the time, or listen to them, or work with them. So I flee to books and video games. These last 3 days I’ve read 6 books on Kindle and started a new character for Dragon Age Inquisition (honestly, that game is life).

After I type this I’m going to see if I can write a little on one of the short stories I have going on, I’m using this particular one for Saturday Scenes at the moment and need to get writing (I didn’t post anything this Saturday, I just… didn’t).

I had this list of things I wanted to get done this autumn, so far I’ve done none of those things and that isn’t really helping my situation. shitpissbuggerfuckall 

Also, this “Cheer up mate, it’s soon Christmas!” has me wanting to punch people in the face. Like really, that’s supposed to help me in any way? Fuck off.

Anyhow, I need to write something (anything) on my short story today, preferably before having to take Princess to the stables. And for those of you who care, The 1975 are my new musical obsession. Makes me wish I was 10 years younger, so I could lust after that cute drummer without feeling like a total cougar…

xoxo