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So, I’ve decided to write this year. Write, as in: “Don’t you dare do nothing else with your time Yheela!”

And so far, I’ve not done too shabby.

I have a Swedish YA novel which is ~51.000 words, and it so badly needs a rewrite and edits and I feel like I should give this novel a go.

Like, I put so much time and effort into it that I’d be letting myself down if I didn’t!

I’d be lying if I tell you that I’ve written on my novel every day since I decided to do this. But I be been ~writing~ every day. Actually putting words down and making stories.

Only yesterday I finished a superhero short story (and posted it on my writer’s blog, I’ll try to make this a clickety link thing). It’s a huge thing, since I have that damnable issue with finishing my stories.

Like yes, planning my stories might help me with the times when I just sit there staring at the screen. But dear god help me, it’s boring af! And if I plan a story out I often never get to the writing part anyway.

I’m the suckiest writer.

Well, I suck at making plans and sticking with them and finishing stuff and things, you know. I like my stories though, even the ones that never amount into anything.

So anyway. My plan is to rewrite the story and have it ready to send to an editor by early summer (the latest). Then I hope to have a few months to do edits and (fingers crossed) I’ll send the manuscript to publishers before the new year.

Doesn’t sound all dumb, does it? I don’t know actually. But it’s my plan and I’m sticking with it!

Yeah!

Anyhow, dinner time (writing time) and all that jazz.

I love you, like for reals.

xoxo

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Christmas has passed. We’re in these in between days that just are, that must be, before we step into the new year.

The picture is from two weeks ago. Winter wonderland. Today it’s all rain and gloom and darkness. We’ve passed the longest night by a week, but it’ll take time before we’ll notice any change.

I’m off work until school starts again, January 9th. Which is so nice. But on the other hand it’s a bit ugh to be at home with three kids that sulk about not finding friends to play with.

I get it, sitting at home isn’t very fun, at least not when you’re forced to hang out with your siblings 24/7. And a lot of families have gone away on holiday or visiting family over Christmas and New Year.

Sometimes I think we’re the only ones who have stayed at home.

I’ve slacked off on my workout routine and I’m paying for it by being in pain and feeling meh. So I went to the gym today and practically cried my way through it. I wish I could think of a way to make that whole experience fun… like reading books is fun, or having tea is fun, or watching films is fun.

Ugh.

Guess my New Years resolution will be to not be such a lazy fat ass. Which means I need to be the total opposite of what I am.

Also. I have a couple of weeks until my next skin checkup, so all the angst associated with that is bubbling up to the surface.

Fun times!

I hate feeling like this, but I honestly don’t know how to deal with it; apart from allowing myself to feel like absolute shit until the checkup’s done. The feelings won’t go away, so maybe just embrace them?

I haven’t taken many pictures of anything lately (not even selfies, which is like super weird). And I know it’s because I feel all these horrible, crying over everything, ugly feelings.

Anyhow, we’re going to town after lunch. So maybe I’ll make an effort, or something…

xoxo

…hi.

So you know. Life. Or I’m not going to blame it all on life. I’m just not very good at this blogging thing, I guess.

Autumn has been good and it’s been exceptionally rough. I think that this year’s seasonal depression thing has been worse than ever.

At the same time I’m all happy and cheerful at work, because work and feeling I have to put up a “brave front”.

Having been sloppy with my workout routine hasn’t helped either.

So I’ve been experiencing pain in my shoulder and that gives me a headache because I grind my teeth.

Fingers crossed I’ll keep it up from now on.

I’m back to writing more. September and October were full months of writing, but then I hit a wall at the end of October. I kinda think I’ve found my way back though. At least I have ideas. That’s something.

Also, I’m back playing Mass Effect Andromeda. My 2nd pt and it’s been good. It does take a while to get into the game, like a good 20h or so. But now I have all the planets and my next big move is going after the Archon.

I do plan on completing as much as possible this time round though. So it’ll be a while before I do that quest.

Anyhow. Christmas is upon us, and life goes on, and another year is soon here… and I guess that’s about it.

xoxo

I’ve learned something. And though some might think that this is something everybody ought to know, it’s taken me time to actually realise it. 

Although this will probably not mean I’ll take it to heart all the time. (I’m sure there will be days when this lesson is forgotten and I’m back to my old ways.) Hopefully I’ll have more days when I remember than days when I forget. 

I’ll let Newt Scamander tell you what I’ve learned: 


This! 

This is what I’ve learnt. Also, this is what I’ve experienced in the last month or so… 

I’ve worried about stuff, lost sleep and happiness over it, and then they’ve turned out alright anyway. I suppose I’m lucky in that respect: that everything has turned out alright. 

Hubs told me last night that I overthink things. And he’s absolutely right. The thing is that I absolutely hate conflicts, I hate having someone being angry with me. It makes me so very unhappy and anxious. 

And me worrying about work things is me worrying about people at work being angry with me. Everyone fucks up from time to time, this I know, but I hate when I do (because of the maybe conflict that could happen). Ugh! 

I envy those who seem to go through life and not let things like that effect them. But I cannot escape the fact that angry (hateful) words and actions hit me very hard. It’s like I’m not equipped with any tools to shrug them off or ignore them completely. 

This does not mean I’m a pushover. No! I know what I want and where I want to go and who I want in my life. But I chose to ignore and block those irl and online that give off angry/hateful/negative vibes. 

I do not need that in my life.  


Anyhow, I’ve worked today (Sunday service and kid’s choir and stuffs) and now I’m going to not do too much at all. We’re going ice skating later, there’s an outdoor rink one town away. 

So tea and books and love until then. 

xoxo 

img_4906Ugh. January has been rough.

Pirate has suffered an ear infection that wouldn’t go away, we went to see a specialist and they said he was fine. His ears still hurt from time to time, but apparently they can be like that for no reason. So yeah.
Now we won’t know if he has an ear infection or if his ears are just being dumb… fun.

Pumpkin had a stomach bug last weekend, preventing me from going to work on Monday (because stomach bug quarantine) and *this* weekend Princess suffered from the same thing.

So here I am, home on a Monday, feeling the workload piling up on me.
Parenting fun times! 

img_5003-2

One awesome thing about January though, was the wedding hubs and I attended this weekend (the horde had sleepovers at grandparents). Our very good friends (finally) got married and we had an occasion to go to Stockholm and dress up fancy fancy.

It was wonderful, warm and welcoming and so classy. I admire her way of always finding the prettiest things to make everything lovely. Good food and great company.

Also, the chance to dress up in finery comes far too seldom for me. All my pretty shoes are just lying there in the wardrobe, waiting for parties.
I wish it would be sensible for me to wear my heels to work, but alas… trainers are the only  thing that really work.

Today my grandfather (paternal) would have turned 100 years old. He passed away 1989. Just think of all the things he saw when growing up. Everything that changed in the world. Just think of all the things that changed after 1989! Happy birthday grandpa Mauritz!

Time’s a funny thing, moving fast and slow and sometimes you don’t know where it went. This year I’ve been married for 15 years, a mother of twins for 10 and my youngest turns 6 and starts school in August.

And yet, I don’t feel as if time has passed by much at all. What’s changed? Has anything changed? I don’t know.

img_4901The sun will rise and set and the world will turn and we will keep doing dumb shit to  each other. But wouldn’t it be soooo much better if we all just were good to each other.

Be good people. Always.

Anyhow, I need to amuse my hordelings. Princess has expressed a wish to watch Pride and Prejudice (1995) and who am I to refuse her such brilliant watching?

xoxo

img_20150327_101935This year has been hard on teenage Yheela.
So many of my musical heroes have died, along with some movie heroes too.

Is this what getting old feels like? 

I woke up this morning to the news that George Michael died yesterday.
It was only a few days ago I played his music deafeningly loud in my car.
I’ve cried this morning and I think I might cry again when hearing my favourite songs by him.
It’s almost like with Prince, I still can’t listen to all of his songs without breaking down a little.

Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that the music you listen to between ages 10 and 20 is the music you’ll listen to for the rest of your life. And I’d say it’s true. I have found a few new artists, but they do remind me of my old favourites.

On the other hand, 2016 has been very good to me too. I got a new job (although I did love my old one very much too) in my home parish and looking back I can say this autumn has been a good one.
I’ve made new friends and I’ve learnt new things. As it should be I guess. Now I have a week and a couple of days off before it all starts again.
New year, new opportunities.

Our Christmas was a quiet affair, as per usual. The horde were all happy about their gifts, the twins especially since they got phones. I’ve not seen much of them, they now spend much of their time in their rooms playing games and sending me funny texts.
We did take a walk yesterday though, my son wanted to catch a few Pokémons…

Today I’m taking them all to see ‘Sing’, I managed to book us seats at the local cinema. And if I’m quick I’ll be able to book us seats for one of the other kid’s films they’re showing during the Christmas holiday.

I’d like to go down to Gothenburg some day next week, to check out the sales and just get a change of scenery. Hubs is working though, so I don’t know if it’ll happen. I need to find a party dress for a wedding in January.
It says “dark suit”  on the invite and that means a posh dress (not too short and not floor length) and I do not have one of those. A posh dress that is, mine are all summer dresses and not posh at all.

chichiI checked a few online stores and think I found a brand I like, but looking in a store would be fun too (right now I’m liking these two, but I don’t know if they’re right).

And I’ll get to buy new shoes and jewelry and makeup and hair things and ALL THE GLITTERY STUFFS!

Also, I need to get this hair of mine sorted. Should I keep colouring it? Do I let it grow? Cut it shorter? Argh!

Maybe I ought to be happy my problems are my hair and that artists I like pass away… it’s hard to know your blessings when life meanders on as it should.

Anyway, I need to do stuffs. There’s Lego all over the kitchen from building the sets the horde got for Christmas and there’s laundry that needs folding etc etc…

I wish you all the best, these last days of 2016. ❤

xoxo

This is from today, at around 3PM. The sun was setting and as I’m writing this it’s pitch black outside. 

We had snow in the beginning of November, which was real nice since it made all the darkness go away a bit. Now it’s all rain and dark and miserable feelings all day every day… kinda, sorta, maybe. 

We’ve had sunny days, sure, but most days have been wet and rainy and foggy and meh. 

Right now I’m at the swimming pool, there’s a gym there too and an aerobics room in which my girls take ballet classes (Princess is still at it, Pumpkin is done and has been sitting here with me almost half an hour already). 

I did my shoulder physiotherapy as my youngest had her class. It’s getting better and I’m getting stronger, but now my shoulder hurts if I sit still for too long… like playing video games. Yay. 

Speaking of which. I just finished Mass Effect 3 today (again, for the umpteenth time). And I cannot wait for Mass Effect Andromeda to arrive next year! 

Sometimes I think I ought to branch out and try other games, but then I think why? I love ME and DA and they always make me feel better (happier) when I play them. 

Well. 

Maybe I need to find more people to hang out with instead? Maybe I need to “people” more? I miss having people who get me around. My days are filled with nothing but normals… it’s exhausting being the weird one every single day

I miss the people I only talk with online. I miss not having them here with me. I miss irl convos and laughter. 

Anyhow, ballet class is almost over. I need to get the girls home and shower and feed us. Maybe my sads is because I’m freaking hungry? 

xoxo 

So, October. 

Darkness and pretty leaves. So far it’s not too bad, the days have been sunny and even though yesterday was chilly and this morning had frost it’s still been nice. 

I wish for an autumn with colourful trees, where the leaves stay on for quite some time. But it’s been dry and if the frost becomes a thing leaves will start falling by the buckets. 

I’ve always had a hard time with the coming darkness. November is usually very dark and gloomy, with no colour but brown, grey, black and white. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but somehow I need to prepare myself for it. I need to stock up on sunshine and colours. 

Also, let’s hope this winter comes with a decent amount of snow. That would brighten everything up nicely. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get back to writing more (as in every day) and so far it’s going alright. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep it up, it makes me happy. 

xoxo 

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I’ve been blown away by the response I got to my previous blog post (the one where I went on about not having anyone to hang out with). I can’t remember when I had so many people respond to and share my blog, if ever. There have been a bunch of private messages, twitter responses and even a handwritten letter (thank you darling, I’m writing back asap).

Apparently there are quite a few people out there who appreciate me and what I do, they just don’t say it very often (which has Pnub being correct in stating that the introverts I have forced my friendship upon befriended like me but hardly ever say it).

So, I feel better about myself. And I love you all very much. My tribe. ❤

My recent hangup is writing a Valentine’s Day piece for Saturday Scenes. I have a story and I’m jumping all over its timeline to get words down, usually I write most things chronically. But I guess this is a good thing, I’m a step or two out of my comfort zone and this has me working hard to finish it. It’s going to be a short thing, but maybe I’ll expand it, add scenes, if I like it well enough.

Also I’ve read a lot of books on Kindle (this weekend I think I managed to get through 6 or 7). It irks me that most e-books I find are part of a series. I do not have the time or the inclination to devote time on a book series with 667 573 476 books in it.

Trilogy, maybe, but with my luck book 3 isn’t published yet and waiting several months for the ending is not for me. At least not at the moment (patience can bite me).

Idoitnowf you have an e-book you think I ought to give a try, please tell me so. I mostly read romance and YA on Kindle. Sci-fi is also a deep well of pleasure when it comes to reading.

Anyhow, I’m going to write some on this Valentine’s story before heading to bed.

xoxo

Knäck_during_Christmas_Eve_2008,_closeupWe’re making Christmas sweets today, Knäck (almond toffee) and ordinary chocolate toffee. Tomorrow we make some Rocky Road and maybe some fudge (if I have the stuff for it that is).

Pirate’s off to a hockey tournament and husband went with him, so it’s just me and the girls today. Though Princess is waiting for being picked up  for a play date (they ought to be here any minute, but she’s been waiting since she woke up).

It’s really pretty out today, sunshine and frost. Me and Pumpkin are going to take a walk after lunch, the sun sets at 3 pm, so we need to be quick about it. There’s been to much rain and wind and darkness the last couple of days. And the lack of snow isn’t really helping either.

Honestly. There’s no real Christmas without snow…

I’ve written quite a lot lately, I have two nearly finished short stories (one I use for my Saturday Scenes and thus need to finish soon-ish). Yesterday I managed three poems, one in Swedish and two in English. Funny thing about that. When it comes to prose I write just as well in both languages. But poetry, I have to work at it to have it work in English. Guess my feelings are closer to the surface in Swedish…

Anyhow, I should start thinking about lunch. Since the sweets are all done I have free time to write or play video games. We’ll see about that after lunch and a walk.

xoxo

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