You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Spring’ category.

IMG_5717Springtime. Foggy and cold mornings, sunny and warm afternoons. Me being all happy and shit one second, only to wanting to crawl into a corner and cry the next. Life is as it is, mostly good, sometimes great and often nothing but alright. Still, I overthink and worry and feel like shit.

I’m worried my lack of dreams will have me be this mediocre person for the rest of my life. Others seem to dream big and live big, and all I want is a cuppa tea and friends. Are my dreams and goals and wishes too small? Must we all dream big?

Sure I’d like to publish, but not enough for me to go through it all and self-pub. And sure, I’d like to finally get my degree, but not enough for me to actually contact my Uni. And yeah, I’d like to have nice and stylish clothes, but not enough to clean my wardrobe out and start afresh.

I would love to travel more, meeting people and eating food. But I also know that I’ll have time for that when the horde is older (we’re going on a family trip this year, so there will be travelling). I asked mum if she’d like to go to London with me in the Autumn, she said yes, so now I guess it’s all about finding a decent priced trip. 

And we do little things with the family all the time. I’m actually a homebody, preferring to not leave my house unless I have to, so this travelling bug biting me is also kinda weird.

Work has been good, I am so happy to be working where I live, but I’ve also wondered if I’m where I ought to be. Is there even such a place for us? Maybe we just do the best with where we’re at and that makes us happy/content? Hard easy questions…

IMG_5764I miss my irl friends. I miss them a lot. We live quite a ways apart, so it’s hard to meet up. And all I want is to have tea with them and just sit and talk, or not talk, just sit. To sit down with someone who knows me, who just gets me and that I know and get in return. There’s real comfort in that.

I’ve been listening a lot to music, it’s really just the same old songs that I always listen to, maybe mixed with a couple new songs, but knowing the lyrics make me feel better about everything. I just wish I could go listen to them live. But it’s hard when many if them don’t even exist anymore… shit, I still can’t listen to Prince without crying my eyes out.

Good thing though is that I seem to be entering a productive period when it comes to writing, ideas pop up and stay with me. Maybe I’ll finish a few projects I have lying about.

Anyhow, I need to lunch and soon my car’s back from having its tyres swapped (no more icy roads, I hope) and I can do the stuff at work I left for today.

xoxo

PrincePurpleRainI know many think this is odd and over the top, but the death of Prince has been the single worst thing that’s happened to me in almost forever.
A tweet said (I’m paraphrasing here): “I don’t want to live in a world where Prince can die.” and this is how it feels.
He played such a big part of my growing up/teens, his music, his style and lyrics have carried me through so much shit and he held my hand through the good times.
As it is right now I can’t hear his music without crying, but at the same time I want to listen to him and never ever forget how his music makes me feel alive.

I was 13 or 14 when I happened upon Purple Rain on the telly, it was pure magic. Purple magic. I couldn’t stop obsessing about the songs or Prince but I had no one to share my obsession with. None of my friends got it, they were too busy with their own obsessions and musicians, which was all fine and dandy.
More Prince for me!
When my class went on a school trip to Denmark I hurried to record stores to see what Prince albums they had there and how many I could afford to buy. Most classmates were more concerned in buying booze, or Danish pastries.
I only bought the one CD: The Love Symbol album O(+> and I played in on my disc Walkman until I knew all the lyrics by heart.

My favourite Prince songs, in no particular order, are (I can’t pick one, who could?):

  • Sometimes it snows in April
  • Raspberry Beret
  • 7
  • Purple Rain
  • Get Freaky
  • When doves cry
  • Diamonds and pearls 
  • Morning papers 
  • Starfish and coffee
  • Gold 

2016 has been a shit year when it comes to people I look up to dying, it needs to stop with the killing off my favourites. Like really.

There’s groovy music in heaven now, for sure.

Anyhow, it’s stupid cold for April and I’m not impressed with any of it. What’s the  point of a jean jacket if I keep freezing my bum off every time I wear it? Hmpf…

xoxo 

I have a few things I’d love to do in April.

First I’d love to go see The 1975 in Stockholm April 6th (no, working and there’s no one to cover for me), second I’d love to go down to Gothenburg for the day (just walk around, people watching) and third I’d love for someone to make me the most chocolaty birthday cake (I’ll end up having to make it myself).

78304-tangled-the-feels-gif-9mQq

Before we even get to April there’s Easter. I’m working tomorrow (Sunday) and the day after (bus trip with kids from work), but then I  have seven days off.
I’ve promised the horde the baking of cakes, the watching of films, for eldest to have her ears pierced, for them all to get their hair cut and for us to eat All The Easter Sweets.

So much to do, all of it/most of it only fun things.

At the moment I’m playing The 1975’s new album “I like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it” on repeat, it’s like they have a song for every occasion.
I’d like to just disappear into the music and not resurface until some time in June. It’s almost as if my heartbeats are in sync with their songs.

Work wise it’s a lot the coming two months. Sleepovers and prepping end of term celebrations and making sure my Confirmation youth group get their act together for Confirmation.
I think I have one free weekend in April and the same goes for May. On the other hand June is much slower, but at the moment I can’t appreciate the fact.

224gofmaze

There are a few jobs out near where I live and I’m going to apply to them. I’d like to think I’m interesting enough for them to ask me to come for an interview, but on the other hand I don’t have a degree in anything and this makes me doubt myself. I have so many uni courses under my belt and work experience, but is that enough?
If I get to an interview I know I’ll be able to talk about myself well enough, and I like to think I’m a likable person. So that’s nothing I’m worried about. It’s presenting myself on paper, trying to make myself interesting enough for them to actually ask me to come for an interview that’s the scary part.

Anyhow, my writing has been frequent the last few weeks. I’ve completed several short stories and poems, in both Swedish and English and I still feel that there’s stuff left to write about. An awesome feeling after the big nothing I felt earlier this year. More tea I think and more The 1975 and more writing.

xoxo

IMG_20150516_223711

I made new friends.

I’m rather proud of myself this evening. I finished another short story!

It has a proper ending and I can post the final scene next Saturday. Yay! There were moments when I thought I had to just leave it hanging, post the last bit without closure and hope no one would notice or mind… It really is my biggest issue, this tying everything together and saying it’s done.

My short story “Q is for?is now finished, I can post the ending next week and then focus on finding a new scene for the week after. *happy dancing in the kitchen.*

And after all the scenes have been posted for Saturday Scenes I’ll post it in its entirety on my writer’s blog Viking Girl Scribbles for everyone to read (you can go and read the previous stories and poems I’ve already posted – NAOW!)

In other news it’s little over a week until my skin cancer check-up at the hospital, the closer I get the more anxious I become. I try not to think about it, but it’s hard when I have to put tape on my face every day…

Let’s just hope and pray that they won’t find anything worth cutting this time (or if they do, hope they find two things because having 13 surgical scars on my body feels like a bad omen. LOL).

Anyway, today has been a day full of doing nothing, tomorrow we’re having a b-day party for the twins at the bowling alley. 20 something kids and heavy things… you just KNOW that’ll be great!

xoxo

DSC_0147As some of you might know I’ve been playing Dragon Age Inquisition since December and the Jaws of Hakkon (DLC) since my birthday in April. I love the game, so much. I’ve loved Dragon Age since it came out and I’ve loved every new game they’ve released (yes, even Dragon Age 2).

When I got Jaws of Hakkon I was sooo happy, there was MOAR to play and it was made for characters higher than level 20 (when the game ends your character tends to be level 20-21, or mine were). I played the DLC with my mage, a heartbroken elf (if you play the Solas romance option you’ll kinda guess what happened here) and found it exciting to find some resistance from the creatures and things that you meet in the Frostback Basin. There were many occasion where I ran away so as to not get killed (RUN AWAY is a great option to not having to reload this game, especially since I suck at saving) and at the end of the DLC most enemies were my level and a match, but not impossible. I did fear the final boss though… I mean: FINAL BOSS. *doomsday music.*

I felt that that encounter was kinda hyped by everyone you met in the game, or maybe it was all me and how I get sucked in into these things (games, books, film – I’ve even snapped at hubs after reading a very emotional passage in a book, he had done nothing, I just had ALL THE FEELS!).

Aaaanyway, there I was, all ready for the last battle (frost resistant armour all around and fire damage etc on the weaponry) and when I finally get the nerve to fight I find that it’s TWO (2!) levels beneath me and not such a big ass fight after all…

I killed it dead on the first try and that was that. So excite. Not.

I love the story line in Jaws of Hakkon: I love the area, the characters and creatures… what I don’t like is that there are Gurgut (giant lizards) with higher level than the final boss. Or maybe not Gurgut, but there are Rift demons that are. And that kinda sucks… As it is now I don’t know if I’ll be able to replay it anytime soon. Meh.

Anyhow, this is one of the craziest weeks at work (confirmation this weekend) and I feel out of energy. Guess I’ll just have to suck it up and get through it. And hope I get the energy to write, at least a little.

xoxo

So I’ve planted both flowers and vegetables now (no I can’t remember what kind of things I put into the ground). Some of the seeds might have been a little too old, but I hope at least a few of them germinate. That’s one of my favourite things about having your own garden (and about summer), that you plant things and then get to eat them and/or look at the pretty flowers.

In other news, things haven’t quieted down at work just yet. Yes, the kid groups are done, but there are sooo many other IMG_20150306_135554things that need to be done…

  • Summer camp needs sorting out
  • Confirmation is the weekend after next
  • Youth groups continue into June
  • I need to clean my office and my desk (All The Shizzle)
  • There are notes and information to write
  • everything else I’ve totally forgotten I need to do…

Anyhow, I have to continue with dinner and then file my sad excuses for nails and paint them black (I need to understand I cannot have long nails, mine are too soft and will break. KEEP THEM SHORT!)

xoxo

DSC_0180It’s time for me to make an appointment for a checkup at the hospital.

Every six months I go back to see if any of my moles or any other part of my skin has gone cancer on me. And every freaking time I fall into a big black hole of angst, the sads and “what ifs”…

Yeah I know.

It’s great that they check up on me, it’s good that they’ll catch any shit cancer before it becomes really dangerous. But I can’t get past this fear of them wanting to cut me again! It eats me up from the inside and I don’t know what to do.

This time I’m also having issues with this thing called “the future”. I really don’t know what I want. Should I continue as I am, change jobs, work towards a ordination? I’m more or less sure of wanting to become a priest, though that’s going to take me quite a few years of studying… and I know I can’t work at the same time because I don’t do both well at the same time.

And then there’s my writing, which is such a great part of me too.

I want to write more, finish projects, feel it working for me. But as it is now, with me not doing great, I have to struggle to get even a few words down. All I do is read and listen to music (I’ve read close to 80 books in April, and the month’s not even over), I’m such a freak.

Argh! I can’t even blog about this without crying! I’ll just leave it at that.

As it is now I can’t be bothered with social media either, I’m sorry everyone who’s wondered where I’ve been, I don’t know when I’ll be back in action.

Anyhow, hubs got me “Jaws of Hakkon” (Dragon Age Inquisition DLC) for my birthday. I love that man so much! I’m also slaying dragons with my mage. If that doesn’t make me feel better, I don’t think there’s any hope for the future.

xoxo

IMG_20150320_114844Easter holiday this week. Glorious days hanging with the kids and feeling so happy…

HA!

Yeah, that’s not how it goes. Pumpkin has at least one tantrum a day (anything can get her going), Pirate keeps nagging me about playing video games (even though he just turned the Xbox off) and Princess talks nonstop about this birthday party she’s going to next weekend (I have to approve a new party dress twice a day).

I’m not saying things aren’t good, we’re having a great time too, but there are times I just want to leave the house for a few hours and stare at trees. Lovely quiet trees. 

Another lovely thing is being away from work. Things have been so hectic the weeks before Easter and it’s all starting up again next week. On the other hand most things are over by mid/the end of May… So all I need to to is to hang in there for another two months or so, then I’ll have about a month of chill before ending it all with a week of camp (in the middle of Tiveden National Park, which more or less is in the middle of nowhere) before my summer vacation.

Aaaand start up, rinse and repeat again in August.

Anyhow, I kinda feel I want (or is it need?) a project. I should start writing something, or finish something, or anything, before summer. Because that would be cool. Lemme think about that…

xoxo

image

I just love when you can buy daffodils at the store. They simply scream spring (in that silent way flowers scream anything)!
I’ll keep buying new ones whenever the old ones wither, this will go on until they stop selling bunches of daffodils at the grocery store.

I’ve also bought new shoes. Shoes are the best thing ever!

image

Pretty, aren’t they! My Converse were falling apart and I had thought about getting new ones, but these Dr Martin’s called to me. Buy us, buuuuy usssss! So I did. What’s a girl to do, right?

Last Saturday I posted the last part of my Swedish short story as my Saturday Scenes. I now need to get writing again… As it is now I’ve nothing to post on Saturday (there’s stuff, but I don’t know if I want to post it).

Anyway, I’m with a youth group at Laserdome tonight. It’s almost time for them to go in and shoot at each other again.

Pew pew pew pew (⬅”lasers)…

xoxo

image

The last few days I’ve thought about how we see ourselves (because of several friends’ posts on various social media). And I’m wondering how much of ourselves we share with our online friends and bffs.
I suppose you can say that there’s no one who truly knows every aspect of another human, unless they’re with you 24/7 (and that would be really really weird, like an unattached siames twin).
Because it’s like Shrek tells Donkey, we’re all like onions with all these layers of who we are… and you’d have to have really strong constitution to peal all those layers without legging it with tears running down your face (or maybe that only applies when dealing with real onions?).

I have friends who have seen many of my different personas (my hubby knows me best of all, but then he’s close to being with me 24/7) and they wouldn’t be surprised by my randomness. There’s comfort in that, a sense of security I’m hoping others feel around me too.

But then there’s the fun part of getting to know new people! Gradually seeing new things about them and discovering new points of interest.
Unfortunately this might also mean that you discover things about them you have a hard time accepting (like them being total douchebags and complete headcases). That’s when you might have to take steps back, or just stop hanging out with them. Something I think very difficult… I don’t do potential conflicts very well.
Push me into a corner and I’ll fight back, but I’d rather slip away unnoticed and just stop interacting with them. Suppose we all have things we need to get better at.

Anyhow, I’m hoping next week will be one with less illness. Although I’ve yet to catch that cold that’s been doing the round in the family… such a fun thing to look forward to, don’t you think!

xoxo

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Tweet tweet

Goodreads