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img_20150327_101935This year has been hard on teenage Yheela.
So many of my musical heroes have died, along with some movie heroes too.

Is this what getting old feels like? 

I woke up this morning to the news that George Michael died yesterday.
It was only a few days ago I played his music deafeningly loud in my car.
I’ve cried this morning and I think I might cry again when hearing my favourite songs by him.
It’s almost like with Prince, I still can’t listen to all of his songs without breaking down a little.

Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that the music you listen to between ages 10 and 20 is the music you’ll listen to for the rest of your life. And I’d say it’s true. I have found a few new artists, but they do remind me of my old favourites.

On the other hand, 2016 has been very good to me too. I got a new job (although I did love my old one very much too) in my home parish and looking back I can say this autumn has been a good one.
I’ve made new friends and I’ve learnt new things. As it should be I guess. Now I have a week and a couple of days off before it all starts again.
New year, new opportunities.

Our Christmas was a quiet affair, as per usual. The horde were all happy about their gifts, the twins especially since they got phones. I’ve not seen much of them, they now spend much of their time in their rooms playing games and sending me funny texts.
We did take a walk yesterday though, my son wanted to catch a few Pokémons…

Today I’m taking them all to see ‘Sing’, I managed to book us seats at the local cinema. And if I’m quick I’ll be able to book us seats for one of the other kid’s films they’re showing during the Christmas holiday.

I’d like to go down to Gothenburg some day next week, to check out the sales and just get a change of scenery. Hubs is working though, so I don’t know if it’ll happen. I need to find a party dress for a wedding in January.
It says “dark suit”  on the invite and that means a posh dress (not too short and not floor length) and I do not have one of those. A posh dress that is, mine are all summer dresses and not posh at all.

chichiI checked a few online stores and think I found a brand I like, but looking in a store would be fun too (right now I’m liking these two, but I don’t know if they’re right).

And I’ll get to buy new shoes and jewelry and makeup and hair things and ALL THE GLITTERY STUFFS!

Also, I need to get this hair of mine sorted. Should I keep colouring it? Do I let it grow? Cut it shorter? Argh!

Maybe I ought to be happy my problems are my hair and that artists I like pass away… it’s hard to know your blessings when life meanders on as it should.

Anyway, I need to do stuffs. There’s Lego all over the kitchen from building the sets the horde got for Christmas and there’s laundry that needs folding etc etc…

I wish you all the best, these last days of 2016. ❤

xoxo

I now have 10 days off work (God bless Swedish parental leave) and this is sooo sweet! 

Next week is Autumn holiday for the kids, a full week off school, so I took that week off as well. 

We don’t have anything special planned, which is all kinds of awesome. But I am thinking that I might take the twins to Gothenburg for a day. We’ll take the train, go through the shops (Science fiction bookstore here we come!) and eat Indian food for lunch. 

Also, NaNoWriMo starts Tuesday next week and I plan to attend. I have one story ready to go, but I know I’ll count all the writing I’ll do into NaNo. Because why the hell not. 

Anyhow, I have tea, there’s a fire in the hearth, hubs is playing Axiom Verge (which to me looks like a complete mindfuck) and I have nothing that needs doing right now. All is well… 

xoxo 

I have the stupid sads and nothing is helping. It’s like I’ve crawled head first into a hole and now I’m stuck, no amount of bum wiggling will get me out to see the light of day. 

Ugh…

All I want is to stay in bed. 

But I wake up tired and get out of bed and get dressed and put makeup on and eat breakfast (okay okay, I have a cuppa tea) and take littlests hordling to school and go to work and go through the motions and then I can’t sleep at night and I wake up tired the next day. 

Hubs thought I ought to take vitamins, which won’t hurt so I do. But I’m thinking I might need to go talk to someone, exercise more, find the happy again. 

I don’t know. 

Anyhow, one of my stories is coming along nicely and I really wish I could focus on that and nothing else. I’ll dream on… 

xoxo 

One of my Finnish cousins got married last weekend, so we made a little trip out if it. 


It never ceases to amaze me how similar but different Finland is from Sweden. 

It’s the little things, the design of farm houses, the coffee, the way people dress, doughnuts and other foods… makes me feel at home every time. 

Anyways, loads to do after coming home from a trip (All The Laundry). 

xoxo 

IMG_1093Midsummer in Sweden is usually a cold and rainy affair (June is our monsoon month after all, though people tend to forget that) but last Friday was unseasonably warm and sunny.

Not that I’m complaining mind, it’s just so very unusual and I for one was taken by surprise. Off came the jeans I had donned in the morning and on came the summer dress I haven’t worn in years (only because I haven’t bothered with mending the torn straps until earlier this year).

We had a lovely Midsummer, wen’t to the celebrations over in Vättlösa and met old friends and simply had a good time.

In the evening my parents came by, bringing Aquavit and strawberries. I ate my weight in new potatoes and pickled herring I think (NO REGRETS!).

IMG_1160Yesterday we went to Liseberg, along with friends and their kids. We had the best time and ended up staying over 10 hours at the amusement park! We had burgers and fries for lunch, ate so much sweets and ice cream and slush.
The twins went on so many rides, and so did Pumpkin, though she felt it was a little unfair that she wasn’t allowed on the really extreme ones…
“When I’m their age I’ll go on all those rides!”
“Yes my darling, you will.”

I got 6 books from the library last week and have read 5 of them already, the last one will be read tomorrow I think. It’s a Sarah Dessen favourite: What Happened to Goodbye.
I do wish they’d get all the Sarah Dessen books, along with all three Stephanie Perkins books I love and several other great great great YA writers I love.
I’ll have to talk with my librarian friend and see if I can convince her to get them all.

Another thing I’m trying to do this summer (at least during these six weeks of holiday I have) is to take better care of myself, find a way back to me and like what I see when I look in the mirror. As it is now I’m not very happy with myself.
The biggest issue I have is my skin: my moles and scars. I cannot NOT see it whenever I look in the mirror.
Right now I feel as if nothing I do makes me forget the fact that my skin makes me a freak and when I previously shook off comments I now just want to cry whenever someone says something about me. It’s really mostly young kids who wonder why I have so many “spots” and I tend to tell them that’s just the way it is, I can’t help it anymore than they can help the colour of their eyes.

IMG_1183Maybe I need to go see someone about this, find ways to beat the negative thoughts crowding my mind and making me feel less about myself.
As it is now I’ve even gone so far as to edit/remove moles in selfies before I post them anywhere. I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but I’ve felt better about the pictures, now without the freakish spots all over…

Anyhow, I’m going to finish reading this novel by Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer and cry my eyes out doing so (I’ve read it before and I know how it ends and I know I’ll cry and I’ll read it anyway, because I can!).

xoxo

PrincePurpleRainI know many think this is odd and over the top, but the death of Prince has been the single worst thing that’s happened to me in almost forever.
A tweet said (I’m paraphrasing here): “I don’t want to live in a world where Prince can die.” and this is how it feels.
He played such a big part of my growing up/teens, his music, his style and lyrics have carried me through so much shit and he held my hand through the good times.
As it is right now I can’t hear his music without crying, but at the same time I want to listen to him and never ever forget how his music makes me feel alive.

I was 13 or 14 when I happened upon Purple Rain on the telly, it was pure magic. Purple magic. I couldn’t stop obsessing about the songs or Prince but I had no one to share my obsession with. None of my friends got it, they were too busy with their own obsessions and musicians, which was all fine and dandy.
More Prince for me!
When my class went on a school trip to Denmark I hurried to record stores to see what Prince albums they had there and how many I could afford to buy. Most classmates were more concerned in buying booze, or Danish pastries.
I only bought the one CD: The Love Symbol album O(+> and I played in on my disc Walkman until I knew all the lyrics by heart.

My favourite Prince songs, in no particular order, are (I can’t pick one, who could?):

  • Sometimes it snows in April
  • Raspberry Beret
  • 7
  • Purple Rain
  • Get Freaky
  • When doves cry
  • Diamonds and pearls 
  • Morning papers 
  • Starfish and coffee
  • Gold 

2016 has been a shit year when it comes to people I look up to dying, it needs to stop with the killing off my favourites. Like really.

There’s groovy music in heaven now, for sure.

Anyhow, it’s stupid cold for April and I’m not impressed with any of it. What’s the  point of a jean jacket if I keep freezing my bum off every time I wear it? Hmpf…

xoxo 

I have a few things I’d love to do in April.

First I’d love to go see The 1975 in Stockholm April 6th (no, working and there’s no one to cover for me), second I’d love to go down to Gothenburg for the day (just walk around, people watching) and third I’d love for someone to make me the most chocolaty birthday cake (I’ll end up having to make it myself).

78304-tangled-the-feels-gif-9mQq

Before we even get to April there’s Easter. I’m working tomorrow (Sunday) and the day after (bus trip with kids from work), but then I  have seven days off.
I’ve promised the horde the baking of cakes, the watching of films, for eldest to have her ears pierced, for them all to get their hair cut and for us to eat All The Easter Sweets.

So much to do, all of it/most of it only fun things.

At the moment I’m playing The 1975’s new album “I like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it” on repeat, it’s like they have a song for every occasion.
I’d like to just disappear into the music and not resurface until some time in June. It’s almost as if my heartbeats are in sync with their songs.

Work wise it’s a lot the coming two months. Sleepovers and prepping end of term celebrations and making sure my Confirmation youth group get their act together for Confirmation.
I think I have one free weekend in April and the same goes for May. On the other hand June is much slower, but at the moment I can’t appreciate the fact.

224gofmaze

There are a few jobs out near where I live and I’m going to apply to them. I’d like to think I’m interesting enough for them to ask me to come for an interview, but on the other hand I don’t have a degree in anything and this makes me doubt myself. I have so many uni courses under my belt and work experience, but is that enough?
If I get to an interview I know I’ll be able to talk about myself well enough, and I like to think I’m a likable person. So that’s nothing I’m worried about. It’s presenting myself on paper, trying to make myself interesting enough for them to actually ask me to come for an interview that’s the scary part.

Anyhow, my writing has been frequent the last few weeks. I’ve completed several short stories and poems, in both Swedish and English and I still feel that there’s stuff left to write about. An awesome feeling after the big nothing I felt earlier this year. More tea I think and more The 1975 and more writing.

xoxo

Knäck_during_Christmas_Eve_2008,_closeupWe’re making Christmas sweets today, Knäck (almond toffee) and ordinary chocolate toffee. Tomorrow we make some Rocky Road and maybe some fudge (if I have the stuff for it that is).

Pirate’s off to a hockey tournament and husband went with him, so it’s just me and the girls today. Though Princess is waiting for being picked up  for a play date (they ought to be here any minute, but she’s been waiting since she woke up).

It’s really pretty out today, sunshine and frost. Me and Pumpkin are going to take a walk after lunch, the sun sets at 3 pm, so we need to be quick about it. There’s been to much rain and wind and darkness the last couple of days. And the lack of snow isn’t really helping either.

Honestly. There’s no real Christmas without snow…

I’ve written quite a lot lately, I have two nearly finished short stories (one I use for my Saturday Scenes and thus need to finish soon-ish). Yesterday I managed three poems, one in Swedish and two in English. Funny thing about that. When it comes to prose I write just as well in both languages. But poetry, I have to work at it to have it work in English. Guess my feelings are closer to the surface in Swedish…

Anyhow, I should start thinking about lunch. Since the sweets are all done I have free time to write or play video games. We’ll see about that after lunch and a walk.

xoxo

image

We went to Stockholm earlier this week, just the hubs and I. Lovely lovely days and a great concert. I don’t know when the two of us had a mini holiday together…

We saw Neal Morse band (hub’s the fan, I was just tagging along) and I had a good time too. I had a drink called “Weird At My School” which was super delish, but I wish I had written down what was in it, so I could recreate it at home.

Something rather annoying at the moment is my lack of writing.
I try to make time and open up old documents and new to find any kind of inspiration, but it eludes me…

I have written some poetry though and I’m content with how they turned out. But I’d like to get going on a short story or something. I’ll keep at it, it’s bound to come some time.

I’ve found some of my favorite books as audiobooks and have spent yesterday and today listening to “Anna and the French Kiss” by Stephanie Perkins (you should totally give it a read!).
Now at 11.30pm I’ve begun listening to “Lola and the Boy Next Door” another book by her. Lovely.

Anyhow, I might roadtrip a little next week, if all plans come together as I want them to.
Also I wouldn’t mind having 10 weeks holiday instead of 5, or not have to work at all.
I really want to write…

xoxo

2015-07-04 - 1Camp last week. I had prepared for almost a month and I still left home without stuff… good thing hubby had time to drive all the way to drop them off (he really is the best there is).

We had 7 enormous boxes filled with camp stuff, but I think we only used 1/3 of that. Which in some ways is great, but if I had known in advance our backs might have been spared a little…

Honestly,it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it. The kids (youth) we’re happy to be there and I had only to nag them a little to get them working with fetching firewood, water and go get our supplies.

Worst thing about this whole trip were the gnats. They were EVERYWHERE and I think I have over 200 bites on my arms and legs. Ah well, guess I’m a tasty human…

It’s taken me a few days to get back on track, I don’t think I slept more than 4h/night (sleeping bags aren’t my cuppa tea). I’m so very happy that I’m now on my summer holiday, all in all I have 5 weeks of what ever the fudge I want.

There’s a trip to the zoo coming up, one trip to Stockholm and then to my parents. Hopefully I’ll be able to go visit an internet friend who’s on holiday here in Sweden (what’s 4h of driving to having to take a plane to New York). IMAG1520

Anyhow, my plan is to get back to writing, but today my brain’s a mush and I think I’ll go play some Mass Effect 1 instead. Because I bloody well can!

xoxo

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