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Well, I’ve had a week and a half of my summer holiday now. And time flies by too fast, I really don’t want this to end at all. 
It’s not like we’ve had excellent weather (it’s sunny but chilly and it really need to rain because the lawn is more yellow than green). 

I just really like being at home. I like getting to chose if I’m seeing anyone today, or if I’m not leaving the house. 

Besides, most of my friends are online (as in living in another country and not really someone you’d pop by to in an afternoon), or they live a 4h drive away, at least. 

I’m trying to figure out where all my childhood friends have gone to. And I realise I didn’t have that many close friends to begin with, three maybe? And they live ways away or I’ve completely lost touch with them. 

I’ve tried to reach out to the one living close by, but she’s so busy with her life that it’s almost impossible for us to find time. I guess she isn’t as interested in rekindling our friendship as I am. 

Ugh. I’ll just give up and cultivate whatever friendships I’ve made online. 


Hubs got me Mass Effect Andromeda a couple weeks back. It’s a very pretty game and so far I’m curious to see what the main story is about. What I have realised though, is that I’m absolutely terrible at FPS games. And I mean ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE

I can’t hit anything even if I threw the gun at them. But fuck that, I’m playing the game anyway and so far the only thing making me rage quit is a Remnant Architect. Mudderhumping three legged piece of robot shit! 

And I’m playing on Easy, so really, I shouldn’t have too much trouble. Why do I even play? Ugh. 

After lunch we’re off on a play date with the girls bffs, and I’ve made friends with the mum so I’ll be sat there drinking tea. 

Anyways, it’s breakfast time here and the horde needs feeding (if I can tear them away from YouTube and tv and other stuff that is). 

Take care, wear sunscreen, drink loads (of tea). 

xoxo 

img_20150327_101935This year has been hard on teenage Yheela.
So many of my musical heroes have died, along with some movie heroes too.

Is this what getting old feels like? 

I woke up this morning to the news that George Michael died yesterday.
It was only a few days ago I played his music deafeningly loud in my car.
I’ve cried this morning and I think I might cry again when hearing my favourite songs by him.
It’s almost like with Prince, I still can’t listen to all of his songs without breaking down a little.

Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that the music you listen to between ages 10 and 20 is the music you’ll listen to for the rest of your life. And I’d say it’s true. I have found a few new artists, but they do remind me of my old favourites.

On the other hand, 2016 has been very good to me too. I got a new job (although I did love my old one very much too) in my home parish and looking back I can say this autumn has been a good one.
I’ve made new friends and I’ve learnt new things. As it should be I guess. Now I have a week and a couple of days off before it all starts again.
New year, new opportunities.

Our Christmas was a quiet affair, as per usual. The horde were all happy about their gifts, the twins especially since they got phones. I’ve not seen much of them, they now spend much of their time in their rooms playing games and sending me funny texts.
We did take a walk yesterday though, my son wanted to catch a few Pokémons…

Today I’m taking them all to see ‘Sing’, I managed to book us seats at the local cinema. And if I’m quick I’ll be able to book us seats for one of the other kid’s films they’re showing during the Christmas holiday.

I’d like to go down to Gothenburg some day next week, to check out the sales and just get a change of scenery. Hubs is working though, so I don’t know if it’ll happen. I need to find a party dress for a wedding in January.
It says “dark suit”  on the invite and that means a posh dress (not too short and not floor length) and I do not have one of those. A posh dress that is, mine are all summer dresses and not posh at all.

chichiI checked a few online stores and think I found a brand I like, but looking in a store would be fun too (right now I’m liking these two, but I don’t know if they’re right).

And I’ll get to buy new shoes and jewelry and makeup and hair things and ALL THE GLITTERY STUFFS!

Also, I need to get this hair of mine sorted. Should I keep colouring it? Do I let it grow? Cut it shorter? Argh!

Maybe I ought to be happy my problems are my hair and that artists I like pass away… it’s hard to know your blessings when life meanders on as it should.

Anyway, I need to do stuffs. There’s Lego all over the kitchen from building the sets the horde got for Christmas and there’s laundry that needs folding etc etc…

I wish you all the best, these last days of 2016. ❤

xoxo

This is from today, at around 3PM. The sun was setting and as I’m writing this it’s pitch black outside. 

We had snow in the beginning of November, which was real nice since it made all the darkness go away a bit. Now it’s all rain and dark and miserable feelings all day every day… kinda, sorta, maybe. 

We’ve had sunny days, sure, but most days have been wet and rainy and foggy and meh. 

Right now I’m at the swimming pool, there’s a gym there too and an aerobics room in which my girls take ballet classes (Princess is still at it, Pumpkin is done and has been sitting here with me almost half an hour already). 

I did my shoulder physiotherapy as my youngest had her class. It’s getting better and I’m getting stronger, but now my shoulder hurts if I sit still for too long… like playing video games. Yay. 

Speaking of which. I just finished Mass Effect 3 today (again, for the umpteenth time). And I cannot wait for Mass Effect Andromeda to arrive next year! 

Sometimes I think I ought to branch out and try other games, but then I think why? I love ME and DA and they always make me feel better (happier) when I play them. 

Well. 

Maybe I need to find more people to hang out with instead? Maybe I need to “people” more? I miss having people who get me around. My days are filled with nothing but normals… it’s exhausting being the weird one every single day

I miss the people I only talk with online. I miss not having them here with me. I miss irl convos and laughter. 

Anyhow, ballet class is almost over. I need to get the girls home and shower and feed us. Maybe my sads is because I’m freaking hungry? 

xoxo 

Today was glorious! Sunshine and a light breeze and happiness and sweets and tasty foods and all the good things. 

I’m at camp with one of my youth groups, a two night layover ending with Sunday service tomorrow. 

My room is cold af tho, I think the radiator isn’t working at all… oh well, could be worse. We could have been staying in tents! 

Anyhow, I have a few hours off right now and I’m gonna spend them reading and trying to get warm. 

xoxo 

I know I’m tired and it’s late-ish and dark and I’m listening to depressing songs on Spotify… but the sads are a thing. 

I miss my friends from my old job. They were arses (lovely ones) some days, but mostly they were just plain gorgeous. I miss having people who GET me. There are no nerds at my current job… 

I play the adult 24/7 and ohmygod is it boring. I feel the crazed Potterhead, the sci-fi freak, the video game nutter wanting to break out and I don’t know how to do it. Must I crack open my blue lip cream and unicorn glitter eyeshadow? 

Anyhow, I’ll continue listening to these sad sad songs and read my ebook until bedtime. And tomorrow I’ll go back to pretending to have my shit together. 

xoxo 

So, October. 

Darkness and pretty leaves. So far it’s not too bad, the days have been sunny and even though yesterday was chilly and this morning had frost it’s still been nice. 

I wish for an autumn with colourful trees, where the leaves stay on for quite some time. But it’s been dry and if the frost becomes a thing leaves will start falling by the buckets. 

I’ve always had a hard time with the coming darkness. November is usually very dark and gloomy, with no colour but brown, grey, black and white. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but somehow I need to prepare myself for it. I need to stock up on sunshine and colours. 

Also, let’s hope this winter comes with a decent amount of snow. That would brighten everything up nicely. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get back to writing more (as in every day) and so far it’s going alright. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep it up, it makes me happy. 

xoxo 

One of my Finnish cousins got married last weekend, so we made a little trip out if it. 


It never ceases to amaze me how similar but different Finland is from Sweden. 

It’s the little things, the design of farm houses, the coffee, the way people dress, doughnuts and other foods… makes me feel at home every time. 

Anyways, loads to do after coming home from a trip (All The Laundry). 

xoxo 

I don’t know when I wore anything but jeans (must have been the midsummer weekend). 
The weather’s been so unreliable, sunny one moment and bucketing the next. I’ll be heading out with laundry only to have to turn back inside, because rain… 

Ugh. It’s not helping my mood either (tho that could be pms or something), and even though I know you can takes walks in the rain I don’t feel like walking in the deluge that has been the rain the last week or so. 

One a more positive note: I’ve found a guy who posts videos of himself playing the Mass Effect games for the first time. He’s gone through ME1 and is now on ME2. 

This makes me remember how much I love the game and I’m considering leaving DAI for a while to finish my most resent play through of ME2. I abandoned that to start DAI. 

Anyhow, it’s nearing lunchtime and I’m feeling the hangry coming on. Better feed myself then, before I say or do something I regret. 

xoxo 

IMG_1093Midsummer in Sweden is usually a cold and rainy affair (June is our monsoon month after all, though people tend to forget that) but last Friday was unseasonably warm and sunny.

Not that I’m complaining mind, it’s just so very unusual and I for one was taken by surprise. Off came the jeans I had donned in the morning and on came the summer dress I haven’t worn in years (only because I haven’t bothered with mending the torn straps until earlier this year).

We had a lovely Midsummer, wen’t to the celebrations over in Vättlösa and met old friends and simply had a good time.

In the evening my parents came by, bringing Aquavit and strawberries. I ate my weight in new potatoes and pickled herring I think (NO REGRETS!).

IMG_1160Yesterday we went to Liseberg, along with friends and their kids. We had the best time and ended up staying over 10 hours at the amusement park! We had burgers and fries for lunch, ate so much sweets and ice cream and slush.
The twins went on so many rides, and so did Pumpkin, though she felt it was a little unfair that she wasn’t allowed on the really extreme ones…
“When I’m their age I’ll go on all those rides!”
“Yes my darling, you will.”

I got 6 books from the library last week and have read 5 of them already, the last one will be read tomorrow I think. It’s a Sarah Dessen favourite: What Happened to Goodbye.
I do wish they’d get all the Sarah Dessen books, along with all three Stephanie Perkins books I love and several other great great great YA writers I love.
I’ll have to talk with my librarian friend and see if I can convince her to get them all.

Another thing I’m trying to do this summer (at least during these six weeks of holiday I have) is to take better care of myself, find a way back to me and like what I see when I look in the mirror. As it is now I’m not very happy with myself.
The biggest issue I have is my skin: my moles and scars. I cannot NOT see it whenever I look in the mirror.
Right now I feel as if nothing I do makes me forget the fact that my skin makes me a freak and when I previously shook off comments I now just want to cry whenever someone says something about me. It’s really mostly young kids who wonder why I have so many “spots” and I tend to tell them that’s just the way it is, I can’t help it anymore than they can help the colour of their eyes.

IMG_1183Maybe I need to go see someone about this, find ways to beat the negative thoughts crowding my mind and making me feel less about myself.
As it is now I’ve even gone so far as to edit/remove moles in selfies before I post them anywhere. I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but I’ve felt better about the pictures, now without the freakish spots all over…

Anyhow, I’m going to finish reading this novel by Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer and cry my eyes out doing so (I’ve read it before and I know how it ends and I know I’ll cry and I’ll read it anyway, because I can!).

xoxo

Hospital today. Time to remove those iffy looking moles (and keep fingers crossed they don’t show any signs of melanoma). 
I’m listening to music that makes me happy to prep for this. Goo Goo Dolls ftw! 

The worst thing is the local anesthetic, it burns like a mudderphukker… and then I hope doc is quick because it sucks when I can feel them sow me shut. The needle going into the skin and the thread being pulled through. *shivers.* 

It’ll be fun (she tells herself, her laugh hollow). 

I guess I’ll have to look at the bright side: I’m getting lunch with hubs afterwards. We can gaze romantically at each other across the table at the burger joint before we tear into our greasy burgers and fries. True love! 

Anyway, I might start a writing project with a buddy from the webz. Flash fiction and/or short stories. So that’s good. Also, my Saturday Scenes short story is looking like it’s getting close to its ending. So woop woop for that! 

xoxo 

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