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…hi.

So you know. Life. Or I’m not going to blame it all on life. I’m just not very good at this blogging thing, I guess.

Autumn has been good and it’s been exceptionally rough. I think that this year’s seasonal depression thing has been worse than ever.

At the same time I’m all happy and cheerful at work, because work and feeling I have to put up a “brave front”.

Having been sloppy with my workout routine hasn’t helped either.

So I’ve been experiencing pain in my shoulder and that gives me a headache because I grind my teeth.

Fingers crossed I’ll keep it up from now on.

I’m back to writing more. September and October were full months of writing, but then I hit a wall at the end of October. I kinda think I’ve found my way back though. At least I have ideas. That’s something.

Also, I’m back playing Mass Effect Andromeda. My 2nd pt and it’s been good. It does take a while to get into the game, like a good 20h or so. But now I have all the planets and my next big move is going after the Archon.

I do plan on completing as much as possible this time round though. So it’ll be a while before I do that quest.

Anyhow. Christmas is upon us, and life goes on, and another year is soon here… and I guess that’s about it.

xoxo

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IMG_7283I feel as if I have no idea of what I’m doing with my life. Everything continues as normal (whatever that means) and I wake up and go through the motions and then go back to sleep.

And then I do it again and again and again. As all of us do, I suppose.

It’s not that I want things to radically change.

I’m not even sure there’s anything wrong with this. All I’m wondering is: is this it? Am I not going to do anything else? I’m not old, nor am I young. I’m somewhere in the middle and sometimes I question what I have to show for it?

Take away my family, what do I have (I’m very happy I have my family, hubs and the horde are my hearts.)?

I guess I wish I was better at finishing things. As it is now I’m fairly certain I’ll never publish anything, seeing I don’t finish anything.

Then you have the need to edit texts and I get cheap and don’t feel like sending my crappy stories to anyone, because what’s the point?! They’re not good enough to be published, why should I spend any money on them?

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Ugh.

I’m back at work (have been for over two weeks) and I’m counting the days until I can have some extended leave. Why can’t I just be happy, content, with doing what I do? I suck!

My next shot at an extended leave is in late October btw…

I bought some new clothes at the beginning of summer. Stupid me on the other hand didn’t bother trying them on at the store and now I’m stuck with a shirt that’s too small.
Nothing to do but give it away and hope someone else can wear it.

I’m trying this capsule wardrobe thing where you only have a few items of clothing to choose from, but they all kinda match and you switch some of them according to season. Seeing that I kinda only wear three pieces of clothing during summer everything’s gone alright so far.
It’ll be interesting to see how it goes now that I’ve started working.

At first I felt happy with how my wardrobe now looks. Now I hate my clothes (again) and I can’t find anything to wear (again).

On the other hand. I finished the main mission in Mass Effect Andromeda. I really like the game. It’s pretty and fun and the characters are likable.

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Me in the Nomad.

At first I didn’t know if I’d ever play it more than once, but now I’ve created my second Pathfinder already and am thinking about how to play it differently. So yay!

School started today. Now all the hordelings are at school and everything feels strange. I had taken today off and ended up spending it by myself. Previously Pumpkin had to stay home with me if I had the day off, pre-school rules.

I have a few Tuesdays coming up where I’m taking the day off and I think I need to decide on something to do on those days. Or should I just stay home and do nothing?

Anyhow, it’s time to get dinner going.

Take care, hug someone!

xoxo

This is from today, at around 3PM. The sun was setting and as I’m writing this it’s pitch black outside. 

We had snow in the beginning of November, which was real nice since it made all the darkness go away a bit. Now it’s all rain and dark and miserable feelings all day every day… kinda, sorta, maybe. 

We’ve had sunny days, sure, but most days have been wet and rainy and foggy and meh. 

Right now I’m at the swimming pool, there’s a gym there too and an aerobics room in which my girls take ballet classes (Princess is still at it, Pumpkin is done and has been sitting here with me almost half an hour already). 

I did my shoulder physiotherapy as my youngest had her class. It’s getting better and I’m getting stronger, but now my shoulder hurts if I sit still for too long… like playing video games. Yay. 

Speaking of which. I just finished Mass Effect 3 today (again, for the umpteenth time). And I cannot wait for Mass Effect Andromeda to arrive next year! 

Sometimes I think I ought to branch out and try other games, but then I think why? I love ME and DA and they always make me feel better (happier) when I play them. 

Well. 

Maybe I need to find more people to hang out with instead? Maybe I need to “people” more? I miss having people who get me around. My days are filled with nothing but normals… it’s exhausting being the weird one every single day

I miss the people I only talk with online. I miss not having them here with me. I miss irl convos and laughter. 

Anyhow, ballet class is almost over. I need to get the girls home and shower and feed us. Maybe my sads is because I’m freaking hungry? 

xoxo 

I now have 10 days off work (God bless Swedish parental leave) and this is sooo sweet! 

Next week is Autumn holiday for the kids, a full week off school, so I took that week off as well. 

We don’t have anything special planned, which is all kinds of awesome. But I am thinking that I might take the twins to Gothenburg for a day. We’ll take the train, go through the shops (Science fiction bookstore here we come!) and eat Indian food for lunch. 

Also, NaNoWriMo starts Tuesday next week and I plan to attend. I have one story ready to go, but I know I’ll count all the writing I’ll do into NaNo. Because why the hell not. 

Anyhow, I have tea, there’s a fire in the hearth, hubs is playing Axiom Verge (which to me looks like a complete mindfuck) and I have nothing that needs doing right now. All is well… 

xoxo 

Today was glorious! Sunshine and a light breeze and happiness and sweets and tasty foods and all the good things. 

I’m at camp with one of my youth groups, a two night layover ending with Sunday service tomorrow. 

My room is cold af tho, I think the radiator isn’t working at all… oh well, could be worse. We could have been staying in tents! 

Anyhow, I have a few hours off right now and I’m gonna spend them reading and trying to get warm. 

xoxo 

I have the stupid sads and nothing is helping. It’s like I’ve crawled head first into a hole and now I’m stuck, no amount of bum wiggling will get me out to see the light of day. 

Ugh…

All I want is to stay in bed. 

But I wake up tired and get out of bed and get dressed and put makeup on and eat breakfast (okay okay, I have a cuppa tea) and take littlests hordling to school and go to work and go through the motions and then I can’t sleep at night and I wake up tired the next day. 

Hubs thought I ought to take vitamins, which won’t hurt so I do. But I’m thinking I might need to go talk to someone, exercise more, find the happy again. 

I don’t know. 

Anyhow, one of my stories is coming along nicely and I really wish I could focus on that and nothing else. I’ll dream on… 

xoxo 

I know I’m tired and it’s late-ish and dark and I’m listening to depressing songs on Spotify… but the sads are a thing. 

I miss my friends from my old job. They were arses (lovely ones) some days, but mostly they were just plain gorgeous. I miss having people who GET me. There are no nerds at my current job… 

I play the adult 24/7 and ohmygod is it boring. I feel the crazed Potterhead, the sci-fi freak, the video game nutter wanting to break out and I don’t know how to do it. Must I crack open my blue lip cream and unicorn glitter eyeshadow? 

Anyhow, I’ll continue listening to these sad sad songs and read my ebook until bedtime. And tomorrow I’ll go back to pretending to have my shit together. 

xoxo 

So, October. 

Darkness and pretty leaves. So far it’s not too bad, the days have been sunny and even though yesterday was chilly and this morning had frost it’s still been nice. 

I wish for an autumn with colourful trees, where the leaves stay on for quite some time. But it’s been dry and if the frost becomes a thing leaves will start falling by the buckets. 

I’ve always had a hard time with the coming darkness. November is usually very dark and gloomy, with no colour but brown, grey, black and white. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but somehow I need to prepare myself for it. I need to stock up on sunshine and colours. 

Also, let’s hope this winter comes with a decent amount of snow. That would brighten everything up nicely. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get back to writing more (as in every day) and so far it’s going alright. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep it up, it makes me happy. 

xoxo 

whale-watchI had planned on going to Gothenburg Book Fair tomorrow (that would be Saturday), but I’m so fatigued that the thought of pushing and shoving my way through throngs of book crazy bookworms has lost its appeal.

The Book Fair is the BEST THING all year, and it hurts not going, but I gotta take care of me… I’m going to go get my hair sorted. It’s in need of a cut and a colour and I might buy some makeup too. I need more translucent powder, scraping the pan at the moment.

There are good things happening too tho. I have tickets to The 1975’s concert in Stockholm in February (which makes up for so many other things going pear shaped atm). I’m dragging hubs there, only fair since he’s dragged me along to all kind of concerts with bands I really have no interest in.

 

And in January our good friends are getting married, so there’s a trip to Stockholm happening then too. I love weddings, they’re always so much fun! Also, I’m seeing this as an opportunity to buy a new party dress (YUSSSSS!), dare I go for shoes too? SHOES!!!!!

The twins are off to a birthday party tonight, and I’m thinking maybe I’ll have time for a bath (using the Galaxy bath bomb from Lush) and a read. Yeah. That sounds nice.

Anyhow, I think I’ll have a bit of a read now too…

xoxo

I’ve worked 12 days in a row, not all of them full days, but I’ve been doing work stuffs every day (an hour here and a couple hours there, constantly thinking about work and feeling I’ve forgotten something). 

Adding the lack of sleep I’ve experienced and you have me so tired nothing is funny. 

There’s a stage when everything is funny, but I don’t know if I’m passed that or if that will come if I stay up long tonight. 

Ugh. Tiredness is the worst. 

I suppose me being tired isn’t helping this constant feeling of having missed something, feeling stressed and frankly I don’t know what to do about it all. 

Thankfully I have this weekend off (so that’s two whole days with nothing planned. Yay.). 

Tonight I was informed there’s a football game on in a few hours, so I guess the TV’s mine until then… 

Mass Effect 3 or Dragon Age Inquisition? 

Anyway, I need tea. A large cuppa tea. 

xoxo 

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