IMAG1518_1It’s time for a check-up again. I had an appointment in April, but that got bumped to tomorrow because of a job interview (didn’t get that job, but in August I’ll be starting my new job here in my home parish. So woop woop!).

I’ve been in a funk for almost two months now, it started one month before my original appointment, and it’s sort of peaking tonight. I don’t like me, how I look or how I feel. And I don’t know what to do about it. I try to seem happy and cheerful, my usual self so to speak, and sometimes it’s okay, but most of the time I’m just sad and worried.
Last check-up things had changed and my doctor couldn’t really say why there were so many changes going on on my skin. Very reassuring. So I’m hoping that everything’s returned to normal and that the changes she found in December were a fluke.
And then there’s the possibility they’re still there, have changed more and maybe even morphed into melanoma…

It feels so superficial, but it’s killing me that I don’t feel pretty, no makeup or hair styles or clothes help in any way. Usually I clog my phone with selfies, right now I keep deleting every single one (when not feeling like this I even keep the ‘imperfect’ ones, I rarely delete pictures). It feels stupid to have these hangups, but I don’t know how to shake this off. Tonight is going to be long, I know I’ll not sleep much, but I have my phone and Kindle so I guess I’ll get some reading done… 

Anyhow, tomorrow’s there’s no need for makeup since doc’s gonna check every inch of my skin for anomalies. And tomorrow’s youth group wants to chill, maybe toast marshmallows, so my clothes are gonna be casual, and my hair’s going to be in a fun bun all day. Casual chic/homeless person/grunge/hopeless is the new black I guess. 

xoxo 

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