DSC_0180It’s time for me to make an appointment for a checkup at the hospital.

Every six months I go back to see if any of my moles or any other part of my skin has gone cancer on me. And every freaking time I fall into a big black hole of angst, the sads and “what ifs”…

Yeah I know.

It’s great that they check up on me, it’s good that they’ll catch any shit cancer before it becomes really dangerous. But I can’t get past this fear of them wanting to cut me again! It eats me up from the inside and I don’t know what to do.

This time I’m also having issues with this thing called “the future”. I really don’t know what I want. Should I continue as I am, change jobs, work towards a ordination? I’m more or less sure of wanting to become a priest, though that’s going to take me quite a few years of studying… and I know I can’t work at the same time because I don’t do both well at the same time.

And then there’s my writing, which is such a great part of me too.

I want to write more, finish projects, feel it working for me. But as it is now, with me not doing great, I have to struggle to get even a few words down. All I do is read and listen to music (I’ve read close to 80 books in April, and the month’s not even over), I’m such a freak.

Argh! I can’t even blog about this without crying! I’ll just leave it at that.

As it is now I can’t be bothered with social media either, I’m sorry everyone who’s wondered where I’ve been, I don’t know when I’ll be back in action.

Anyhow, hubs got me “Jaws of Hakkon” (Dragon Age Inquisition DLC) for my birthday. I love that man so much! I’m also slaying dragons with my mage. If that doesn’t make me feel better, I don’t think there’s any hope for the future.

xoxo

Advertisements