You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2015.

DSC_0180It’s time for me to make an appointment for a checkup at the hospital.

Every six months I go back to see if any of my moles or any other part of my skin has gone cancer on me. And every freaking time I fall into a big black hole of angst, the sads and “what ifs”…

Yeah I know.

It’s great that they check up on me, it’s good that they’ll catch any shit cancer before it becomes really dangerous. But I can’t get past this fear of them wanting to cut me again! It eats me up from the inside and I don’t know what to do.

This time I’m also having issues with this thing called “the future”. I really don’t know what I want. Should I continue as I am, change jobs, work towards a ordination? I’m more or less sure of wanting to become a priest, though that’s going to take me quite a few years of studying… and I know I can’t work at the same time because I don’t do both well at the same time.

And then there’s my writing, which is such a great part of me too.

I want to write more, finish projects, feel it working for me. But as it is now, with me not doing great, I have to struggle to get even a few words down. All I do is read and listen to music (I’ve read close to 80 books in April, and the month’s not even over), I’m such a freak.

Argh! I can’t even blog about this without crying! I’ll just leave it at that.

As it is now I can’t be bothered with social media either, I’m sorry everyone who’s wondered where I’ve been, I don’t know when I’ll be back in action.

Anyhow, hubs got me “Jaws of Hakkon” (Dragon Age Inquisition DLC) for my birthday. I love that man so much! I’m also slaying dragons with my mage. If that doesn’t make me feel better, I don’t think there’s any hope for the future.

xoxo

IMG_20150320_114844Easter holiday this week. Glorious days hanging with the kids and feeling so happy…

HA!

Yeah, that’s not how it goes. Pumpkin has at least one tantrum a day (anything can get her going), Pirate keeps nagging me about playing video games (even though he just turned the Xbox off) and Princess talks nonstop about this birthday party she’s going to next weekend (I have to approve a new party dress twice a day).

I’m not saying things aren’t good, we’re having a great time too, but there are times I just want to leave the house for a few hours and stare at trees. Lovely quiet trees. 

Another lovely thing is being away from work. Things have been so hectic the weeks before Easter and it’s all starting up again next week. On the other hand most things are over by mid/the end of May… So all I need to to is to hang in there for another two months or so, then I’ll have about a month of chill before ending it all with a week of camp (in the middle of Tiveden National Park, which more or less is in the middle of nowhere) before my summer vacation.

Aaaand start up, rinse and repeat again in August.

Anyhow, I kinda feel I want (or is it need?) a project. I should start writing something, or finish something, or anything, before summer. Because that would be cool. Lemme think about that…

xoxo

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