I don’t know if I’m being over dramatic or if this is a normal level of freak out.
It’s two weeks until my appointment with the face doctor, two weeks until I know if they’ll cut my face or leave it as it is. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about this, cry about it and spend endless time in front of a mirror trying to make myself remember what I look(ed) like.

When I talk to (some) people all they go on about is that I’ll be as pretty, no one will see the scar, it’s better to remove it than get really sick later on etc.
They do not get me!
As I’ve said before: It’s not the (maybe) cancer, it’s not about the scar, it’s not about how I’ll look later on.
It’s ALL about me not wanting the bandage (and later on tape) on my face. People are going to notice, stare and ask questions. Or just stare and assume things.


I really wish I could stay at home until it’s just a faint scar, until I don’t need to use tape to treat it and until I can use makeup to cover it up…
With all this paranoia and drama going on inside me I wouldn’t be surprised if the doctor says: “Nah, we won’t do anything, it’s nothing.”
But I won’t be holding my breath for that eventuality.

Anyway, two new mates at work. They seem really awesome and I’m sure this year will be even better. Now I need to drink my tea and head off to bed.
I’ll just listen to Goo Goo Dolls’ song Name a thousand times first…