Seems I only blog when I’m either glad or sad. I’d like to keep a regular schedule, but that’s one of my weaknesses: ~consistency~.

So, I went to my biannual skin cancer checkup. It started off with the photography program that takes full body pictures freezing and refusing to work. There’s a program that sees any changes on the skin and alerts the doc.

Anyway, the nurses had to go straight to closeups of my skin and hope that the doc wouldn’t be too annoyed that there weren’t any full body pics.

I also had a new doctor, the old one had quit (they had been there for like 20 years). The new doc took a look, told me I have many moles (duh!) and then said it looked fine. They then circled four moles, took their own closeups and went to talk to a consultant… and when they came back told me that one on my back I being removed.

Fuck. This. Shit.

Anyhoo, I’ve been to the gym this morning. So I best shower. Also, I have no idea what to do today, which is like a good thing. I guess.

Be kind.

xoxo

sunflowers Christmas and New Years was chill. Like super duper chill. Like we didn’t do much of anything, and that was glorious. And then work started and I was bored again.

I’ve lost my spark. *dramatic music.*

I think I’ve been too focused on bad things and that has had me forgetting about the spark that drives me.
Autumn 2018 and the spring of 2019 I was in counselling and even though that helped me to put things into perspective, it didn’t help me bounce back (or maybe I am, but like painfully slowly? ugh).

Saved onto Typography Collection in Typography Category

The uni course is coming along quite well. This next assignment seems to be falling into place and I’m not at all nervous about it (I was ridiculously nervous about the first assignment). Next week I have a three day seminar thing.
It’ll be fun to see everyone again. There are students in this course from all over, and I only see the three from Gothenburg in between seminar days (which are like several weeks to months apart).

Anyway, it’s time to sit down to morning fika here at work, and then I’ll get cracking on that assignment.

Be kind, to yourself.

xoxo

So I’ve been struggling with physiotherapy for quite a while. One of the issues has been my hip, or rather sciatica like pain in my leg. My physiotherapist deducted that I have a disk in my lower spine that’s pressing on the nerve and a simple exercise got rid of the problem.

I was so happy the pain was gone and that I could go to the gym again. Then I had a mole removed and had to chill a little with the workout. The stitches got removed and I went to do the gym things (had a plan and everything).

Obviously I overdid it.

And now I’m in pain again. Like a lot of pain. And it fucking sucks. So now I’m back to minimal physiotherapy and some stretching and trying that exercise that worked the last time (so far it’s doing nothing).

And sitting down makes it worse. And standing a lot makes it worse. And lying in bed at night is rather painful (until my body relaxes enough). And sneezing or blowing my nose or coughing is painful. If I have to strain my hip/pelvic area I’ll be in pain.

My physiotherapist said that I could continue on my own when I was there last month, and I’m not ready to call her. Not yet. I want to fix this on my own.

So I do the physiotherapy and I try the stretching and I take painkillers (because not taking them would have me crying).

In other news. There’s just two weeks of work left before the Christmas holidays. And I cannot wait to be off work. Fingers crossed we get snow though. We had a couple days of powdery snow and below zero temperatures, but that’s rained away and it’s been raining ever since.

Also. I have a trip to Gothenburg to look forward to. It’s to do with this uni course I’m taking and it’ll be a full day of discussions etc. But I’m taking a later train home, so I can do town and get some Christmas shopping done.

I’m getting myself the Good Omens dvd/blue ray and I’ll be looking for some other fun things. Not that I know what those fun things will be, but The Science Fiction Bookstore never disappoints.

Anyhoo, we’re having pizza tonight and I have to go make it.

Take care, and spread kindness like glitter!

xoxo

Today I’ve had a bit of a road trip. Son is at a hockey tournament and because of reasons he’s gone without parents. But I had the opportunity to go over the day and watch them play. It’s a 2h and some drive, but the Sunday traffic was alright.

Sadly they lost all games today, tough opponents, and son took a stick to the groin (yes, painful). I felt bad having to go back home, but I had to get back to the girls. But such is life sometimes.

They’re playing their last matches some ways away from where they’ve stayed. I feel bad for them for having to travel over an hour to get to their new ice rink tomorrow. Let’s hope they do better and win their group.

The last two months have been super stressful and ridiculously busy at work. I’ve covered for others and have had to deal with internet issues (which is so not my job) and this has minimised the time I’ve had to read my course work.

In two weeks I have to attend a two day seminar and discuss the things I (should) have read. I really (really really) want the coming week to be more of reading time, but I know there’s a lot of “life” things happening.

I’m quite ill (caught the cold the horde has been suffering) and if I don’t get better tomorrow, I’ll have to take Monday off. Obviously I can read at home, but if my head hurts as much as it’s done the last couple of days it’s going to be a bother.

Tuesday I have the day off, which totally could be used for studying. As in: I ought to.

And on Wednesday I have an afternoon appointment at the hospital, for a skin checkup, which has me missing out on a youth group field trip.

And on Thursday I’m seeing my physiotherapist in the morning, and in the afternoon I’m sat in meetings.

And this weekend we have sleepover camp for the previously mentioned youth group.

Aaaand, October 2nd I have to drive the same route I drove today to attend the seminar (which is a lot less stressful now that I’ve driven that road once).

Also, I’ve had a crummy pms week (stress hasn’t helped). I’m glad the floodgates have opened, even though having a copper iud makes me bleed like a stuck pig.

But as I told my midwife when we discussed birth control: “I’d rather bleed a lot during my period, than cry every day for a week during pms.”

Wanting to lay down and die isn’t a cool look.

Anyways, I’m bloody (hahaha) tired and my head hurts and so does my throat and I think the girls are sleeping… bedtime for me!

xoxo

pexels-photo-688830So, I got tagged in an answer questions blog post thing over on The Deviot’s blog.

 

And since I had planned on writing a post, I’ll use them as inspiration:

 

 

1.) When you’ve had 1 hour of sleep and need to do a full-time shift do you reach for: Coffee, tea, soda, or something else to stay awake and why? 
First of all, I’d probably call in sick or try to move work things around so I didn’t have to do too much. Then I’d combine tea and coffee, tea for the yumminess and coffee for the caffeine.

2.) What is a video game/series you really wish had more attention than it does and why?
Idk, I don’t play many very different games. Neverwinter Nights was an awesome game and I wish I could play it on console (the old pc version).

3.) Pair your favorite game with a proper wine or beer.
I suppose I’d pair Dragon Age with a fun and bubbly Prosecco and Mass Effect with Newcastle Pale Ale.

4.) Pick one game that came out ”Before your time” that you think looks interesting and tell us why.
Man, idk, I’m not a huge fan of old games. They’re generally too unforgiving and I play to escape, not to rage quit…

5.) Pick one game that is outside of your comfort zone that you think you might be willing to check out.
I’m addicted to my comfort zone, so I rarely ponder games that seem “not for me”. Rn I can’t even think of a game that would fit this category, I’m that uninterested.

pexels-photo-134061

I’m now supposed to ask questions of my own and tag other blogs, but I’m not going to do that, because I can’t think of anyone who’d want to do it.

 

Anyhow, I have coursework to read and a lunch to eat.

xoxo

Work has been a thing for a couple of days. Had to spend a lot of time on troubleshooting the internet connection in the old house where my office is. A thunderstorm on Tuesday last week killed the router and it took all morning on Thursday to find the right person to talk to about that. But after that, it went quick.

The new router arrived on Friday morning, and I had it installed and running before 10:30. I’m just glad it was all just replacing the router and not some issues with the connection to the building.

That would have meant being without internet for several more days (not that it would have mattered since I don’t work Saturdays and Sundays).

▫️

I’ve done a mood board for my current WIP. It’s a story in Swedish, YA (young adult) and so far (first draft) I’m ~38.000 words in. For once I actually know how it’ll end. I’m the worst pantser (meaning I make the story up as I go: wHaT iS PlOtTiNg??), but this time I have the end finished.

It’s all pictures and quotes stolen from Pinterest. I’m sure some of these people are like semi-famous (super famous?) to some, but to me they’re just close enough looking to the characters I have in my head.

It’s quite fun to go pin stuff onto my character board whenever I’m stuck-ish in my writing. I have several sections in my Characters board, one for each story I think important enough to have a board.

▫️

Today has been like super boring.

I thought I’d play Dragon Age 2, but it kept crashing (I’m playing the 360 game on the Xbox One console) and that put me in a mood™️.

I tried finding something to watch, but Swedish Netflix is a fucking joke with shit films and series (no not all the time, but TODAY everything was shit).

I ended up watching/listening to YouTube vids and mucking about on Pinterest. Then I opened my WIP and I’ve been hacking away at that since.

Anyhow, I ought to continue writing now.

So yeah.

Be kind. Always.

xoxo

So I’m in a bad state, mentally. I ~really~ hope this is just pms and that it’ll go away in a day or two. I can’t be sure what the issue is and that’s frustrating (or, I think know what it is, but I don’t want to tell the interwebz, so I’ll just say it’s unidentifiable).

Today I’m taking Son to the ice rink, to warm his new skates up, and me and the girls are going to hop into the hairdresser and (fingers crossed) have a bit of a trim.They have drop in appointments, but sometimes the wait is loooong. And it’s Friday, so I’m guessing there’ll be loads of people.

I’ve put makeup on already (been up since 6 and now it’s 8), but I’m in sweats, so I feel only half done. I have no clue what I want to wear though. As if that matters when we’re just going one town over… but apparently it does. To me.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so gorram vain. It would be so much easier if I just didn’t give a fuck. I envy my friend who seem to have no fucks to give when it comes to makeup and clothes. Like, I really love makeup and clothes, but sometimes (like today) it’s a must to look “just right” and that stresses me.

And I can’t talk about this, because I only get: “but you look so pretty without makeup, it doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re so cute” etc etc. Those people make me want to scream! What the fuck do they know? Nothing. They. Know. Nothing.

Anyhow, it’s breakfast time. I have to wake the pubescent 12 year olds and drag Littlest away from morning cartoons. So. Much. Happy. Fun. Times.

Be kind. Always.

xoxo

It’s been a hot couple of days. Like too hot for us up north. Tomorrow’s to bring rain, and lower temperatures, so maybe I’ll bake that bread?

I have a week and a few days left of my summer holiday, and even though it’s been a long holiday I don’t want it to end. Nor do I want summer to end. I love (LOVE!) summer.

The light, the warmth, the colours, the long days full of nothing or everything…

I know I’m getting ahead of myself here: but I’m not looking forward to late autumn and winter. Too dark and dreary and full of depressed emotions. Ugh.

I’ve written rather a lot the last month or so. Not editing my novel, but writing on another WIP. It’s over 36.000 words now and I’m really liking where it’s heading.

I am going to edit my novel, too. But I need to get my shit together and work past a troublesome part in that story. Or. Maybe I’ll skip that and leave for later?

There’s sooo much novel left to edit and a few paragraphs shouldn’t deter me from finishing it. I am determined. I shall!

I had a skin checkup at the hospital a couple weeks ago. Everything was fine, but there’s one mole on my back that’s grown. It’s supposed to mature and stop growing, but my doctor wants me to come back in September to make sure it actually does stop. If not, she’ll remove it.

I’m glad things are looking alright, but I do hate that I have to go back every 6 (well, 3 now) months.

It would be awesome if I could shed my skin and get a new, mole free, version. I’m ridiculously jealous of people who seem to have no moles at all. Like, whatever did you do to get blessed with perfection?

Anyhow, I’ve replayed Dragon Age Origins (on Awakening now) and it’s such a good game. I’m looking forward to playing Dragon Age 2 later on. The whole series is just plain brilliant.

But now I’m putting the horde to bed and then we might continue rewatching Stranger Things, season 2. Also really good stuff.

xoxo

Before I showered, I removed the big patch covering the tape and stitches on my chest. And then I cried. Because there’s yet another scar on my body. And there’s now three very close together and one of them was the melanoma I was diagnosed with 11 years ago. And it hurts and I can’t lift my arm and driving today was a bitch and I fucking hate this.

And if someone dares say something in the lines of “At least you’re in the system, they’ll find stuff quickly.”, because they want to comfort me. I’ll fucking scream! I don’t want to be in the system. I don’t want to have to go back every six months. I don’t want them to cut me again.

15 scars. 15 times I’ve lain there: the burning pain of local anaesthetics, felt them poke and prod, heard the sound of the scalpel cutting through skin, had blood trickle down my body and the tug of being sewn together again.

I’ve held it together marvellously Monday and Tuesday, didn’t cry over this once. But removing the patch and seeing the stitches through the brown tape… that broke me.

I’m going to try to play Dragon Age Inquisition, but since I’m in pain and since I hunch my back a bit to relieve the pain, I know I’ll not be able to play for very long before everything starts to ache. It kinda hurts already.

Right.

Good things? I’m on Wattpad. Posting short story collections and novels. Go check them out. Kthanxbye.

And, here’s a song I discovered some time last year, go give it a listen: Waste the Night by 5SOS (you’ll end up on the YouTubes)

Anyway, time to go kill things with my Elven two-handed warrior (Solasmancer, so I’m setting myself up for glorious heartbreak in Trespasser) and then it’s nearly time for old ladies to go to bed.

Be kind. Always.

xoxo

We’re more than halfway through October and I’m so glad we’ve had many sunny days to conquer the darkness.

I’ve started counselling, because this spring was no fun mentally and it was time I did something about it all. I have high hopes that this’ll help and the woman I’m talking to seems very good at her job.

I’ve been really tired lately, I guess this cold that won’t go away (it’s been hanging on for a month now) has something to do with it. So it’s been a little hard to focus at work, all I want is to crawl back into bed and sleep.

Next week is a short one though, and the week after that is a school holiday. So I think I’ll get enough rest soon enough.

Today was a fun day. At the end of summer, I entered a local short story competition. And today was the big reveal. I had sent in 3 stories, as you could send in as many as you wanted.

And I ended up winning BOTH 2nd and 3d place. Like, what??

The prizes were 2 books and 400Sek gift card at our local grocers and 1 book and a 200Sek gift card.

The books aren’t really my kind of novels, but I’ll give them a read anyway. The gift cards are super though, and our grocer is super nice to donate them.

Anyways, I need to fold laundry and have a cuppa tea. And if everything goes according to plan I’ll get to play some Dragon Age Inquisition later.

Take care, you’re awesome.

xoxo

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