DSC_0147As some of you might know I’ve been playing Dragon Age Inquisition since December and the Jaws of Hakkon (DLC) since my birthday in April. I love the game, so much. I’ve loved Dragon Age since it came out and I’ve loved every new game they’ve released (yes, even Dragon Age 2).

When I got Jaws of Hakkon I was sooo happy, there was MOAR to play and it was made for characters higher than level 20 (when the game ends your character tends to be level 20-21, or mine were). I played the DLC with my mage, a heartbroken elf (if you play the Solas romance option you’ll kinda guess what happened here) and found it exciting to find some resistance from the creatures and things that you meet in the Frostback Basin. There were many occasion where I ran away so as to not get killed (RUN AWAY is a great option to not having to reload this game, especially since I suck at saving) and at the end of the DLC most enemies were my level and a match, but not impossible. I did fear the final boss though… I mean: FINAL BOSS. *doomsday music.*

I felt that that encounter was kinda hyped by everyone you met in the game, or maybe it was all me and how I get sucked in into these things (games, books, film – I’ve even snapped at hubs after reading a very emotional passage in a book, he had done nothing, I just had ALL THE FEELS!).

Aaaanyway, there I was, all ready for the last battle (frost resistant armour all around and fire damage etc on the weaponry) and when I finally get the nerve to fight I find that it’s TWO (2!) levels beneath me and not such a big ass fight after all…

I killed it dead on the first try and that was that. So excite. Not.

I love the story line in Jaws of Hakkon: I love the area, the characters and creatures… what I don’t like is that there are Gurgut (giant lizards) with higher level than the final boss. Or maybe not Gurgut, but there are Rift demons that are. And that kinda sucks… As it is now I don’t know if I’ll be able to replay it anytime soon. Meh.

Anyhow, this is one of the craziest weeks at work (confirmation this weekend) and I feel out of energy. Guess I’ll just have to suck it up and get through it. And hope I get the energy to write, at least a little.

xoxo

So I’ve planted both flowers and vegetables now (no I can’t remember what kind of things I put into the ground). Some of the seeds might have been a little too old, but I hope at least a few of them germinate. That’s one of my favourite things about having your own garden (and about summer), that you plant things and then get to eat them and/or look at the pretty flowers.

In other news, things haven’t quieted down at work just yet. Yes, the kid groups are done, but there are sooo many other IMG_20150306_135554things that need to be done…

  • Summer camp needs sorting out
  • Confirmation is the weekend after next
  • Youth groups continue into June
  • I need to clean my office and my desk (All The Shizzle)
  • There are notes and information to write
  • everything else I’ve totally forgotten I need to do…

Anyhow, I have to continue with dinner and then file my sad excuses for nails and paint them black (I need to understand I cannot have long nails, mine are too soft and will break. KEEP THEM SHORT!)

xoxo

DSC_0180It’s time for me to make an appointment for a checkup at the hospital.

Every six months I go back to see if any of my moles or any other part of my skin has gone cancer on me. And every freaking time I fall into a big black hole of angst, the sads and “what ifs”…

Yeah I know.

It’s great that they check up on me, it’s good that they’ll catch any shit cancer before it becomes really dangerous. But I can’t get past this fear of them wanting to cut me again! It eats me up from the inside and I don’t know what to do.

This time I’m also having issues with this thing called “the future”. I really don’t know what I want. Should I continue as I am, change jobs, work towards a ordination? I’m more or less sure of wanting to become a priest, though that’s going to take me quite a few years of studying… and I know I can’t work at the same time because I don’t do both well at the same time.

And then there’s my writing, which is such a great part of me too.

I want to write more, finish projects, feel it working for me. But as it is now, with me not doing great, I have to struggle to get even a few words down. All I do is read and listen to music (I’ve read close to 80 books in April, and the month’s not even over), I’m such a freak.

Argh! I can’t even blog about this without crying! I’ll just leave it at that.

As it is now I can’t be bothered with social media either, I’m sorry everyone who’s wondered where I’ve been, I don’t know when I’ll be back in action.

Anyhow, hubs got me “Jaws of Hakkon” (Dragon Age Inquisition DLC) for my birthday. I love that man so much! I’m also slaying dragons with my mage. If that doesn’t make me feel better, I don’t think there’s any hope for the future.

xoxo

IMG_20150320_114844Easter holiday this week. Glorious days hanging with the kids and feeling so happy…

HA!

Yeah, that’s not how it goes. Pumpkin has at least one tantrum a day (anything can get her going), Pirate keeps nagging me about playing video games (even though he just turned the Xbox off) and Princess talks nonstop about this birthday party she’s going to next weekend (I have to approve a new party dress twice a day).

I’m not saying things aren’t good, we’re having a great time too, but there are times I just want to leave the house for a few hours and stare at trees. Lovely quiet trees. 

Another lovely thing is being away from work. Things have been so hectic the weeks before Easter and it’s all starting up again next week. On the other hand most things are over by mid/the end of May… So all I need to to is to hang in there for another two months or so, then I’ll have about a month of chill before ending it all with a week of camp (in the middle of Tiveden National Park, which more or less is in the middle of nowhere) before my summer vacation.

Aaaand start up, rinse and repeat again in August.

Anyhow, I kinda feel I want (or is it need?) a project. I should start writing something, or finish something, or anything, before summer. Because that would be cool. Lemme think about that…

xoxo

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I just love when you can buy daffodils at the store. They simply scream spring (in that silent way flowers scream anything)!
I’ll keep buying new ones whenever the old ones wither, this will go on until they stop selling bunches of daffodils at the grocery store.

I’ve also bought new shoes. Shoes are the best thing ever!

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Pretty, aren’t they! My Converse were falling apart and I had thought about getting new ones, but these Dr Martin’s called to me. Buy us, buuuuy usssss! So I did. What’s a girl to do, right?

Last Saturday I posted the last part of my Swedish short story as my Saturday Scenes. I now need to get writing again… As it is now I’ve nothing to post on Saturday (there’s stuff, but I don’t know if I want to post it).

Anyway, I’m with a youth group at Laserdome tonight. It’s almost time for them to go in and shoot at each other again.

Pew pew pew pew (⬅”lasers)…

xoxo

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The last few days I’ve thought about how we see ourselves (because of several friends’ posts on various social media). And I’m wondering how much of ourselves we share with our online friends and bffs.
I suppose you can say that there’s no one who truly knows every aspect of another human, unless they’re with you 24/7 (and that would be really really weird, like an unattached siames twin).
Because it’s like Shrek tells Donkey, we’re all like onions with all these layers of who we are… and you’d have to have really strong constitution to peal all those layers without legging it with tears running down your face (or maybe that only applies when dealing with real onions?).

I have friends who have seen many of my different personas (my hubby knows me best of all, but then he’s close to being with me 24/7) and they wouldn’t be surprised by my randomness. There’s comfort in that, a sense of security I’m hoping others feel around me too.

But then there’s the fun part of getting to know new people! Gradually seeing new things about them and discovering new points of interest.
Unfortunately this might also mean that you discover things about them you have a hard time accepting (like them being total douchebags and complete headcases). That’s when you might have to take steps back, or just stop hanging out with them. Something I think very difficult… I don’t do potential conflicts very well.
Push me into a corner and I’ll fight back, but I’d rather slip away unnoticed and just stop interacting with them. Suppose we all have things we need to get better at.

Anyhow, I’m hoping next week will be one with less illness. Although I’ve yet to catch that cold that’s been doing the round in the family… such a fun thing to look forward to, don’t you think!

xoxo

wpid-wp-1426269219986.jpegToday has been a day filled with The Sad. A kind of sadness that results in restlessness and a wish to get away from everything. Most of all I wished for someone, a friend, to just sit with me and say nothing, just sit there in quiet understanding and maybe let me cry a little.

But since Fridays are my days home with Pumpkin ( <3) that wasn’t possible. Instead we went and borrowed the pram from my parents-in-law and set off for a long walk after lunch. As I hoped she fell asleep quickly and I could walk on, music in my ears and the sun in my face.

The last couple of days have been wonderfully sunny (with strong winds) and the knowledge of days getting longer and brighter brings happiness, in the middle of feeling sad (I know, I’m so weird and shizzle, but I don’t know what to do about it).

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One great ting today (and every Friday) is going to the stables with Princess. I get to work with the horses and take care of them and hug them and snuggle and sniff them…

God I wish I could have the time to take riding lessons myself! I miss horses so much! Today Princess and I had King to take care of and she got to try jumping for the first time. To see the joy in her eyes after the first proper jump – priceless!

Anyhow, the rest of the night is most likely going to be spent translating a piece of my poetry from Swedish to English. It’s a longer prose poem and I’ll be trying to find just the right words to give it the same feeling in English as it has in Swedish.

Might post it somewhere after I’m done…

And go give someone you care about a hug, or text them, or write them a postcard, or think of them so hard that they’ll feel it.

xoxo

IMG_20140722_103520I’m simultaneously writing three different short stories (or I have three tabs in Google Drive open at the same time and keep going back and forth reading parts of them, occasionally adding words). This works just fine, because for some reason they all complement each other: I’ll be writing something on one of them and suddenly an idea for one of the others pops up and I go write a little on that.

But.

This also means I’m researching for three different stories.

In #1 I need to look at pictures of Sweden in the summer, listen to 90’s music and remember what it was like working in the kitchens (You guuuyyyys! Summer! I want summer now!), #2 requires researching London (THERE’S SO MUCH TO FIND AND GET LOST IN) and for #3 I need to find the perfect film for my main character to suggest to the boy she likes (NETFLIX NETFLIX NETFLIX). Also I keep searching for pictures of people and things, to find attributes etc that I can use for my characters (ballet shoes, blonde hair, hats and coats, airplanes, meadows, cute guys, blue skies, teacups – random shizzle ya know).

Blackbird_2Last night I heard blackbirds for the first time this year. I absolutely LOVE blackbirds! As soon as they start singing you just KNOW it’s spring and the best part of it is that they keep on singing long into summer. Is there anything better than talking a walk in the woods, listening to blackbirds and smelling the greenery all around you? No, there isn’t.

Anyway, we’re at home today, no school and Pumpkin has a nasty cold (ear pain, pink eye, fever) so we never went swimming as we said we would. That’s one of the stinky things about early spring: all the colds and things and stuff that happens. I’m feeling slightly meh myself, stuffy nose and a sore throat.

I Really Don’t Want To Be Sick Right Now! 

We’re having ice cream as the afternoon snack (because sicknesses), although I’m having Strawberry Daiquiri sherbet (because vegan). Better get back to writing my stories then…

xoxo

tiredcatI’m so tired that my tired is tired. 

This week I was at a 3 day seminar/workshop thing (Wednesday to Friday). It’s this year long project we’re doing at work, along with two other dioceses (all in all we’re 9 parishes taking part of the project).

I had a brilliant time, met awesomesauce people and learned much, but I’m completely spent at the moment. We got crammed with knowledge and sitting there in a classroom with 16 other people is quite draining. I kinda feel hungover from the whole ting… is there such a thing as people hangovers? I totally think there should be!

While being at Hjo folkhögskola (that’s where they held the whole thingy) I got to eat GREAT vegan foods, I think I’ll try to recreate some of the things at home. It’s been a little over two weeks being a vegan and it’s easier thinking of things to eat, I’ve also learnt what things are vegan and what aren’t (talking store bought items here) and I’ve found good snacks I can eat between meals.

I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy, it’s not. Especially at moments like these when I’m so very tired and don’t have the energy to think of vegan alternatives to the things the family are eating. It would be sooo easy to drop the whole thing, but I shall prevail!

There are so many people out there in the world who can’t fill their bellies on a daily basis, who almost only eat fast food (thinking it’s the easiest, cheapest way to go) or struggle in other ways. I think of them a lot right now and I donate money to projects working to stop world hunger. Wouldn’t it be great if we could live in a world where every child can eat her fill and no one would have to be stressed about finding something to eat… I pray for that day to come soon.

Anyway, I managed to get a cut and colour on Wednesday! Too bad I can’t style it as well as she did… it was sleeeeek for about two days, then I had to shower and now it looks less tidy. Could someone please give me patience to style my hair in the mornings? Please?!

xoxo

DSC_0088Riiight.

So first of all, Lent (the 40 days leading up to Easter ya know). I’m going vegan this year, which means 40 days of vegan foods. The tricky part isn’t the eating of the foods (because vegan is delish), but to find foods that I CAN eat!

Man oh man are there many foods out there that have eggs or milk or other animal stuff in them, even though you’d think they’d be just veggies… so it’s hard. I suppose I could have done a wee bit more research before jumping onto the vegan train, but I figured I’d make it alright.

If I had more time to actually cook foods I suspect things would be easier… as it is now there aren’t enough hours to the day for me to make meals for me to eat during the week.

But, I’m doing alright, though I might be eating a little less than I should (because all the non-eatable snacks I keep finding). The whole point of this “going vegan for lent thing” is for me to think of all of the people around the world who can’t decide what to eat, who can’t even fill their bellies on a regular basis, and donate money to charity (Svenska kyrkans fastekampanj 2015).

Also I’ve been playing MOAR Dragon Age Inquisition. Played it a second time with a mage and now I’m going rogue, which I wasn’t very keen on doing at first because the first rogue I created sucked monkey balls and I had just done the whole character WRONG… but after doing some thinking and starting over things are looking better and I’m having fun.

Anyhow, I’m gonna go watch a film, or read, or write, or all of them at the same time… while drinking tea.

xoxo

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