IMG_0272We’ve had crazy hot weather the last couple of days, the kind where you’re keeping your fingers crossed for thunder to come release you from the humidity.
And tonight it finally happened. Thunderstorm with accompanying rain. There’s a virtual waterfall from our gutter out front. Maybe I ought to go stand out in the rain? It’s nice to let yourself get soak by rain, if you know you’ll soon be dry and warm indoors.

I’ve written quite a lot these last few days, I have two short stories going and one of them is my current Saturday Scenes. Better finish it before I run out of Saturdays… the other one is my Harry Potter fanfic, that one I’m publishing on Archive of Our Own (go clickety if you wanna read, I’ve only posted three short chapters so far). With both of these I’m in the same pickle as always, I start writing without a ready plot and have no idea how they’re going to end…
I wonder if I’ll ever learn to do a outline for my stories, so that I’ll not end up in “what-the-fuck-happens-next land”? Probably not, I rarely learn from my mistakes. *big grin*

This week has been all about cleaning at work. We have to wash all the toys and clean out all the cupboards in all the houses we have groups in. That’s A LOT of toys… but I’m doing it with my buddies so at least there’s company and lots of laughs.
I’m going to miss them so much when I start my new job… love them to bits.

Right now I’m binge listening to Goo Goo Dolls. Seriously, they’ve not one bad song. Too bad they’re not touring Sweden… the closest they get is the UK. I wish I had time/money to go see them in London in October, but that’ll never happen.
Oh well, good thing I have Spotify then.

Anyhow, I got a date for surgery (June 9th). Two moles that need removing, not because they have melanoma, but because my doc thought they looked iffy. Whatever that means. I wish it would all just stop. I don’t need anymore scars, I’ll be at 15 when these have been removed. Yay!
Tonight I’m going to paint my nails and read, or write if my nail polish dries fast enough…

xoxo

IMAG1518_1It’s time for a check-up again. I had an appointment in April, but that got bumped to tomorrow because of a job interview (didn’t get that job, but in August I’ll be starting my new job here in my home parish. So woop woop!).

I’ve been in a funk for almost tow months now, it started one month before my original appointment, and it’s sort of peaking tonight. I don’t like me, how I look or how I feel. And I don’t know what to do about it. I try to seem happy and cheerful, my usual self so to speak, and sometimes it’s okay, but most of the time I’m just sad and worried.
Last check-up things had changed and my doctor couldn’t really say why there were so many changes going on on my skin. Very reassuring. So I’m hoping that everything’s returned to normal and that the changes she found in December were a fluke.
And then there’s the possibility they’re still there, have changed more and maybe even morphed into melanoma…

It feels so superficial, but it’s killing me that I don’t feel pretty, no makeup or hair styles or clothes help in any way. Usually I clog my phone with selfies, right now I keep deleting every single one (when not feeling like this I even keep the ‘imperfect’ ones, I rarely delete pictures). It feels stupid to have these hangups, but I don’t know how to shake this off. Tonight is going to be long, I know I’ll not sleep much, but I have my phone and Kindle so I guess I’ll get some reading done… 

Anyhow, tomorrow’s there’s no need for makeup since doc’s gonna check every inch of my skin for anomalies. And tomorrow’s youth group wants to chill, maybe toast marshmallows, so my clothes are gonna be casual, and my hair’s going to be in a fun bun all day. Casual chic/homeless person/grunge/hopeless is the new black I guess. 

xoxo 

PrincePurpleRainI know many think this is odd and over the top, but the death of Prince has been the single worst thing that’s happened to me in almost forever.
A tweet said (I’m paraphrasing here): “I don’t want to live in a world where Prince can die.” and this is how it feels.
He played such a big part of my growing up/teens, his music, his style and lyrics have carried me through so much shit and he held my hand through the good times.
As it is right now I can’t hear his music without crying, but at the same time I want to listen to him and never ever forget how his music makes me feel alive.

I was 13 or 14 when I happened upon Purple Rain on the telly, it was pure magic. Purple magic. I couldn’t stop obsessing about the songs or Prince but I had no one to share my obsession with. None of my friends got it, they were too busy with their own obsessions and musicians, which was all fine and dandy.
More Prince for me!
When my class went on a school trip to Denmark I hurried to record stores to see what Prince albums they had there and how many I could afford to buy. Most classmates were more concerned in buying booze, or Danish pastries.
I only bought the one CD: The Love Symbol album O(+> and I played in on my disc Walkman until I knew all the lyrics by heart.

My favourite Prince songs, in no particular order, are (I can’t pick one, who could?):

  • Sometimes it snows in April
  • Raspberry Beret
  • 7
  • Purple Rain
  • Get Freaky
  • When doves cry
  • Diamonds and pearls 
  • Morning papers 
  • Starfish and coffee
  • Gold 

2016 has been a shit year when it comes to people I look up to dying, it needs to stop with the killing off my favourites. Like really.

There’s groovy music in heaven now, for sure.

Anyhow, it’s stupid cold for April and I’m not impressed with any of it. What’s the  point of a jean jacket if I keep freezing my bum off every time I wear it? Hmpf…

xoxo 

I have a few things I’d love to do in April.

First I’d love to go see The 1975 in Stockholm April 6th (no, working and there’s no one to cover for me), second I’d love to go down to Gothenburg for the day (just walk around, people watching) and third I’d love for someone to make me the most chocolaty birthday cake (I’ll end up having to make it myself).

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Before we even get to April there’s Easter. I’m working tomorrow (Sunday) and the day after (bus trip with kids from work), but then I  have seven days off.
I’ve promised the horde the baking of cakes, the watching of films, for eldest to have her ears pierced, for them all to get their hair cut and for us to eat All The Easter Sweets.

So much to do, all of it/most of it only fun things.

At the moment I’m playing The 1975’s new album “I like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it” on repeat, it’s like they have a song for every occasion.
I’d like to just disappear into the music and not resurface until some time in June. It’s almost as if my heartbeats are in sync with their songs.

Work wise it’s a lot the coming two months. Sleepovers and prepping end of term celebrations and making sure my Confirmation youth group get their act together for Confirmation.
I think I have one free weekend in April and the same goes for May. On the other hand June is much slower, but at the moment I can’t appreciate the fact.

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There are a few jobs out near where I live and I’m going to apply to them. I’d like to think I’m interesting enough for them to ask me to come for an interview, but on the other hand I don’t have a degree in anything and this makes me doubt myself. I have so many uni courses under my belt and work experience, but is that enough?
If I get to an interview I know I’ll be able to talk about myself well enough, and I like to think I’m a likable person. So that’s nothing I’m worried about. It’s presenting myself on paper, trying to make myself interesting enough for them to actually ask me to come for an interview that’s the scary part.

Anyhow, my writing has been frequent the last few weeks. I’ve completed several short stories and poems, in both Swedish and English and I still feel that there’s stuff left to write about. An awesome feeling after the big nothing I felt earlier this year. More tea I think and more The 1975 and more writing.

xoxo

giphy (1)

I’ve been blown away by the response I got to my previous blog post (the one where I went on about not having anyone to hang out with). I can’t remember when I had so many people respond to and share my blog, if ever. There have been a bunch of private messages, twitter responses and even a handwritten letter (thank you darling, I’m writing back asap).

Apparently there are quite a few people out there who appreciate me and what I do, they just don’t say it very often (which has Pnub being correct in stating that the introverts I have forced my friendship upon befriended like me but hardly ever say it).

So, I feel better about myself. And I love you all very much. My tribe.❤

My recent hangup is writing a Valentine’s Day piece for Saturday Scenes. I have a story and I’m jumping all over its timeline to get words down, usually I write most things chronically. But I guess this is a good thing, I’m a step or two out of my comfort zone and this has me working hard to finish it. It’s going to be a short thing, but maybe I’ll expand it, add scenes, if I like it well enough.

Also I’ve read a lot of books on Kindle (this weekend I think I managed to get through 6 or 7). It irks me that most e-books I find are part of a series. I do not have the time or the inclination to devote time on a book series with 667 573 476 books in it.

Trilogy, maybe, but with my luck book 3 isn’t published yet and waiting several months for the ending is not for me. At least not at the moment (patience can bite me).

Idoitnowf you have an e-book you think I ought to give a try, please tell me so. I mostly read romance and YA on Kindle. Sci-fi is also a deep well of pleasure when it comes to reading.

Anyhow, I’m going to write some on this Valentine’s story before heading to bed.

xoxo

where-your-friends-liveI’m a happy-go-lucky type of person most of the time. Life is meant to be lived, people are meant to be talked to and food is meant to be tasted. I’d like to think I make friends easily, that I’m likable and fun and that others want to get to know me. So building friendships is something that comes easy to me.

Once I get over those first few minutes of slight awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time I tend to go all in and befriend them. I know I have scared a few people by being who I am, but most of the time we hit it off and are laughing within a few minutes. I love people, I want to hear their stories and be a part of their lives. 

If someone would ask me if I’m extrovert or introvert I’d claim extrovert, but recently I’ve begun to see myself more introvert. First and foremost it’s because some of the people I hung out with dumped me (yeah, really, I’ve been friendship dumped). In both cases it’s because they found a new love and didn’t need me to build them up and keep them smiling.

I’m really happy they’ve found happiness again, but I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t hurt that they never text me back or interact with me on social media anymore. From being “the best person ever” (actual quote from one of them) I’ve become a nothing. Thanks, cheers, lovely…

At the moment I don’t have the energy to make new friends, because even as an “extrovert” it takes energy to interact with people. I tried to find people (and keep up with the ones I know) online to fill the void of those irl, but it’s hard to keep up a friendship when you are sad a lot. I have met some truly amazing people on the webz and I cherish them, but what I really long for right now is to sit down with someone and drink buckets of tea.

An afternoon or evening watching films and just talking. Taking walks and laughing. Hugs and someone being there, for me. I want someone to ask me how I am, tell me it’s okay to be sad, give me a hug and laugh with me. Online friends are awesome (I truly love mine), but it’s hard to hug someone over Twitter or G+… I wish my bff, The Flutist, lived closer, because she is all those good things.

And I wished my new-ish friend from the library would become a closer friend, I should ask her over, because I feel she could be all those things. But it feels like it’s always me that does the reaching out, the calling and texting and making friends (it feels like that right now).

unicronAm I too much? Too much of a weirdo for the “normals” where I live? Where are all the weird people, the geeks and fan girls (or boys)?

Anyway, I should probably leave it all and accept that all my friends live in Narnia and can only be found by walking through the wardrobe that is the webz. Because they are weird and I love each and every one in here.

xoxo

Knäck_during_Christmas_Eve_2008,_closeupWe’re making Christmas sweets today, Knäck (almond toffee) and ordinary chocolate toffee. Tomorrow we make some Rocky Road and maybe some fudge (if I have the stuff for it that is).

Pirate’s off to a hockey tournament and husband went with him, so it’s just me and the girls today. Though Princess is waiting for being picked up  for a play date (they ought to be here any minute, but she’s been waiting since she woke up).

It’s really pretty out today, sunshine and frost. Me and Pumpkin are going to take a walk after lunch, the sun sets at 3 pm, so we need to be quick about it. There’s been to much rain and wind and darkness the last couple of days. And the lack of snow isn’t really helping either.

Honestly. There’s no real Christmas without snow…

I’ve written quite a lot lately, I have two nearly finished short stories (one I use for my Saturday Scenes and thus need to finish soon-ish). Yesterday I managed three poems, one in Swedish and two in English. Funny thing about that. When it comes to prose I write just as well in both languages. But poetry, I have to work at it to have it work in English. Guess my feelings are closer to the surface in Swedish…

Anyhow, I should start thinking about lunch. Since the sweets are all done I have free time to write or play video games. We’ll see about that after lunch and a walk.

xoxo

image

We have winter.
Or it snowed enough last night to still be here this morning. Though it’ll melt before the day is done, because it’s not cold enough yet…

Pumpkin was so happy this morning, it’s her birthday (she’s 4 now, I cannot believe how fast time flies!) and she had wished for snow. Fingers crossed the temperature drops tonight, leaving whatever snow that hasn’t yet melted.

The other day a friend of mine made me really happy. It was such a small thing really, but to me it was wonderful.

The power of words. You can do such harm, you can bring such joy. I don’t understand why people aren’t using this for good…

Every day I see vicious and hateful words being spread and said, why? Can’t we just agree on saying good things about each other? How about we build positive connections between us, no more tearing down.

I’m still happy about what they said, it keeps giving me a warm feeling in my stomach and it’s putting a smile on my face. Isn’t this what we all want to feel? Isn’t this what we want others to feel?

Let me start, then you go do the same to someone you think might need a smile…

You are wonderful and funny and smart. Anyone would be lucky to count you as their friend.

Anyhow, things to do… and books to read (so many books to read).

xoxo

giphy-9This morning I was so very very very tired (not an unusual occurrence in the mornings for me) and I seriously debated not leaving my bed all day, but then Pirate came and asked if he could watch cartoons and I had to drag my sorry self out of bed and rustle up breakfast for the horde. Husband beat me to it though and all I had to do was sit down and drink my tea (bless him).

There’s not been much in the way of work for me this week, which is awesome in a “I’m a lazy bitch” kind of way. The not so awesome part is Pumpkin having a fever and having to stay home from preschool, she’s much better today though. Tomorrow we’re celebrating her 4th birthday and we bought sweets to decorate her cake with when we went shopping earlier today (her actual birthday is November 30th).

Last year she had a Spider-Man/Harry Potter themed party, this year it’s Frozen all the way… but whatever makes her happy. It is her birthday, I can have a Harry Potter one when it’s my birthday (in April). Oh wouldn’t it be so cool! I could dress the kids up and have husband be Dumbledore, or Snape, or Neville! And I’d be Luna, because she’s my spirit animal.

I’m still stuck on The 1975, I’ve added so many of their songs to my writing playlist, which is what I play when driving (I also sing along to every song on that list, it’s the best thing, just belting out great songs in the car). Whenever I come across great music I add to this list, it’s past 4h in playtime atm. Before The 1975 I added Roxette, another favourite of mine, love their ballads.

I’m not going to make NaNoWriMo this year, unless I write 25.000 words before Monday… Hahaha! I know! What was I thinking? If I barely have time for writing as it is, how would I manage 50.000 words during November?!

Good thing though is that I am writing. Yesterday before youth group I managed a fair share of words, and I’m taking time today to write more. My brain is tuned into writing too, which means I get ideas all the time and feel joy when I do get to write.

Most of Wednesday however was spent playing Dragon Age Inquisition. That game. So good! This time around I’m a Qunari mage, female, and romancing The Iron Bull. But every time I come across Commander Cullen my heart skips a beat and I want to crawl into the game and jump him. He’s been bae since Dragin Age Origins.

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I might have to start over again and play a human or elf, I cannot resist him!

Anyhow, we’re approaching lunchtime and I need to wrestle up some food for Pumpkin, husband and I. And then write. And maybe, maybe, I’ll allow myself a little Cullen Dragon Age…

xoxo

2013-09-16 - 1This autumn has been the worst few months in quite some time.

I’m always down this time of year, it’s getting darker and colder and summer’s over and work begins again and… some of you might get what I’m saying.

I’ve stared projects (writing) during this time and everything’s sucked and most things aren’t even close to being done. I haven’t even kept up with this blog (duh!).

I also decided to enter NaNoWriMo this year for some freaking reason and even though I’m at 26.000 words (3 different stories, didn’t have an idea for a novel, so I’m cheating with short stories) I just feel like dropping the whole thing and crawl into my bed. Never to climb out again.

Buuut… family and work and this thing called “life” (don’t talk to me about it) has me getting up in the mornings. I do what I have to and the whole time I just want people to shut the fudge up and leave me alone.

Thank God for internet friends. They never get in your face, they mostly just get you and if you can’t deal you just chose to not interact with them. Not so easy irl, as people tend to get in your face all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, at the same time I love people. Like truly love them. But I haven’t got enough energy to keep my face smiling all the time, or listen to them, or work with them. So I flee to books and video games. These last 3 days I’ve read 6 books on Kindle and started a new character for Dragon Age Inquisition (honestly, that game is life).

After I type this I’m going to see if I can write a little on one of the short stories I have going on, I’m using this particular one for Saturday Scenes at the moment and need to get writing (I didn’t post anything this Saturday, I just… didn’t).

I had this list of things I wanted to get done this autumn, so far I’ve done none of those things and that isn’t really helping my situation. shitpissbuggerfuckall 

Also, this “Cheer up mate, it’s soon Christmas!” has me wanting to punch people in the face. Like really, that’s supposed to help me in any way? Fuck off.

Anyhow, I need to write something (anything) on my short story today, preferably before having to take Princess to the stables. And for those of you who care, The 1975 are my new musical obsession. Makes me wish I was 10 years younger, so I could lust after that cute drummer without feeling like a total cougar…

xoxo

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