Today was glorious! Sunshine and a light breeze and happiness and sweets and tasty foods and all the good things. 

I’m at camp with one of my youth groups, a two night layover ending with Sunday service tomorrow. 

My room is cold af tho, I think the radiator isn’t working at all… oh well, could be worse. We could have been staying in tents! 

Anyhow, I have a few hours off right now and I’m gonna spend them reading and trying to get warm. 


I have the stupid sads and nothing is helping. It’s like I’ve crawled head first into a hole and now I’m stuck, no amount of bum wiggling will get me out to see the light of day. 


All I want is to stay in bed. 

But I wake up tired and get out of bed and get dressed and put makeup on and eat breakfast (okay okay, I have a cuppa tea) and take littlests hordling to school and go to work and go through the motions and then I can’t sleep at night and I wake up tired the next day. 

Hubs thought I ought to take vitamins, which won’t hurt so I do. But I’m thinking I might need to go talk to someone, exercise more, find the happy again. 

I don’t know. 

Anyhow, one of my stories is coming along nicely and I really wish I could focus on that and nothing else. I’ll dream on… 


I know I’m tired and it’s late-ish and dark and I’m listening to depressing songs on Spotify… but the sads are a thing. 

I miss my friends from my old job. They were arses (lovely ones) some days, but mostly they were just plain gorgeous. I miss having people who GET me. There are no nerds at my current job… 

I play the adult 24/7 and ohmygod is it boring. I feel the crazed Potterhead, the sci-fi freak, the video game nutter wanting to break out and I don’t know how to do it. Must I crack open my blue lip cream and unicorn glitter eyeshadow? 

Anyhow, I’ll continue listening to these sad sad songs and read my ebook until bedtime. And tomorrow I’ll go back to pretending to have my shit together. 


So, October. 

Darkness and pretty leaves. So far it’s not too bad, the days have been sunny and even though yesterday was chilly and this morning had frost it’s still been nice. 

I wish for an autumn with colourful trees, where the leaves stay on for quite some time. But it’s been dry and if the frost becomes a thing leaves will start falling by the buckets. 

I’ve always had a hard time with the coming darkness. November is usually very dark and gloomy, with no colour but brown, grey, black and white. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but somehow I need to prepare myself for it. I need to stock up on sunshine and colours. 

Also, let’s hope this winter comes with a decent amount of snow. That would brighten everything up nicely. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get back to writing more (as in every day) and so far it’s going alright. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep it up, it makes me happy. 


whale-watchI had planned on going to Gothenburg Book Fair tomorrow (that would be Saturday), but I’m so fatigued that the thought of pushing and shoving my way through throngs of book crazy bookworms has lost its appeal.

The Book Fair is the BEST THING all year, and it hurts not going, but I gotta take care of me… I’m going to go get my hair sorted. It’s in need of a cut and a colour and I might buy some makeup too. I need more translucent powder, scraping the pan at the moment.

There are good things happening too tho. I have tickets to The 1975’s concert in Stockholm in February (which makes up for so many other things going pear shaped atm). I’m dragging hubs there, only fair since he’s dragged me along to all kind of concerts with bands I really have no interest in.


And in January our good friends are getting married, so there’s a trip to Stockholm happening then too. I love weddings, they’re always so much fun! Also, I’m seeing this as an opportunity to buy a new party dress (YUSSSSS!), dare I go for shoes too? SHOES!!!!!

The twins are off to a birthday party tonight, and I’m thinking maybe I’ll have time for a bath (using the Galaxy bath bomb from Lush) and a read. Yeah. That sounds nice.

Anyhow, I think I’ll have a bit of a read now too…


I’ve worked 12 days in a row, not all of them full days, but I’ve been doing work stuffs every day (an hour here and a couple hours there, constantly thinking about work and feeling I’ve forgotten something). 

Adding the lack of sleep I’ve experienced and you have me so tired nothing is funny. 

There’s a stage when everything is funny, but I don’t know if I’m passed that or if that will come if I stay up long tonight. 

Ugh. Tiredness is the worst. 

I suppose me being tired isn’t helping this constant feeling of having missed something, feeling stressed and frankly I don’t know what to do about it all. 

Thankfully I have this weekend off (so that’s two whole days with nothing planned. Yay.). 

Tonight I was informed there’s a football game on in a few hours, so I guess the TV’s mine until then… 

Mass Effect 3 or Dragon Age Inquisition? 

Anyway, I need tea. A large cuppa tea. 


I don’t know where time went. On a vacation to Aruba? I would like to go to Aruba. Lie on a beach, drink straight from a coconut and just be. Actually anywhere would be nice, vacations are always nice. 

Okay, reality. 

I’ve started my new job, it’s been a month soon already. So far I’m liking it. A lot. Working in my community, my parish, with people I know is great. Networking and getting to know people is marvellous. Sure there are things that are slightly stressful, but in what line of work do you never encounter stress? 

And everyone’s very keen on me feeling up to the task and not taking on too much stuff. I know that if I were to say I felt overwhelmed they’d step in and help me with everything. 

Lovely people. 

We went on a trip to Uppsala this week (Monday to Wednesday and chock-a-block full of sightseeing). 

Although we did have a few hours free on Tuesday afternoon and I got to hang out with my mate Rikard, who I had only chatted with online (is it 2 years or more? I can’t remember) but since I was in the vicinity we decided to meet. 

I had a grand old time, he was just as darling as I hoped he would be. Not that I had any fears he’d be anything but. It was nice to hang out with someone who likes the same things, comics and books and stuff. 

My colleagues aren’t as nerdy as I am, so I haven’t really found anyone to talk to about ALL GREAT THINGS IN LIFE. Which is slightly sad (I miss Amanda and Fredrik from my old job, they got me). 

Anyhow, supper’s ready and I think we still have cheese puffs somewhere. 


One of my Finnish cousins got married last weekend, so we made a little trip out if it. 

It never ceases to amaze me how similar but different Finland is from Sweden. 

It’s the little things, the design of farm houses, the coffee, the way people dress, doughnuts and other foods… makes me feel at home every time. 

Anyways, loads to do after coming home from a trip (All The Laundry). 


I don’t know when I wore anything but jeans (must have been the midsummer weekend). 
The weather’s been so unreliable, sunny one moment and bucketing the next. I’ll be heading out with laundry only to have to turn back inside, because rain… 

Ugh. It’s not helping my mood either (tho that could be pms or something), and even though I know you can takes walks in the rain I don’t feel like walking in the deluge that has been the rain the last week or so. 

One a more positive note: I’ve found a guy who posts videos of himself playing the Mass Effect games for the first time. He’s gone through ME1 and is now on ME2. 

This makes me remember how much I love the game and I’m considering leaving DAI for a while to finish my most resent play through of ME2. I abandoned that to start DAI. 

Anyhow, it’s nearing lunchtime and I’m feeling the hangry coming on. Better feed myself then, before I say or do something I regret. 


IMG_1093Midsummer in Sweden is usually a cold and rainy affair (June is our monsoon month after all, though people tend to forget that) but last Friday was unseasonably warm and sunny.

Not that I’m complaining mind, it’s just so very unusual and I for one was taken by surprise. Off came the jeans I had donned in the morning and on came the summer dress I haven’t worn in years (only because I haven’t bothered with mending the torn straps until earlier this year).

We had a lovely Midsummer, wen’t to the celebrations over in Vättlösa and met old friends and simply had a good time.

In the evening my parents came by, bringing Aquavit and strawberries. I ate my weight in new potatoes and pickled herring I think (NO REGRETS!).

IMG_1160Yesterday we went to Liseberg, along with friends and their kids. We had the best time and ended up staying over 10 hours at the amusement park! We had burgers and fries for lunch, ate so much sweets and ice cream and slush.
The twins went on so many rides, and so did Pumpkin, though she felt it was a little unfair that she wasn’t allowed on the really extreme ones…
“When I’m their age I’ll go on all those rides!”
“Yes my darling, you will.”

I got 6 books from the library last week and have read 5 of them already, the last one will be read tomorrow I think. It’s a Sarah Dessen favourite: What Happened to Goodbye.
I do wish they’d get all the Sarah Dessen books, along with all three Stephanie Perkins books I love and several other great great great YA writers I love.
I’ll have to talk with my librarian friend and see if I can convince her to get them all.

Another thing I’m trying to do this summer (at least during these six weeks of holiday I have) is to take better care of myself, find a way back to me and like what I see when I look in the mirror. As it is now I’m not very happy with myself.
The biggest issue I have is my skin: my moles and scars. I cannot NOT see it whenever I look in the mirror.
Right now I feel as if nothing I do makes me forget the fact that my skin makes me a freak and when I previously shook off comments I now just want to cry whenever someone says something about me. It’s really mostly young kids who wonder why I have so many “spots” and I tend to tell them that’s just the way it is, I can’t help it anymore than they can help the colour of their eyes.

IMG_1183Maybe I need to go see someone about this, find ways to beat the negative thoughts crowding my mind and making me feel less about myself.
As it is now I’ve even gone so far as to edit/remove moles in selfies before I post them anywhere. I don’t think anyone else has noticed, but I’ve felt better about the pictures, now without the freakish spots all over…

Anyhow, I’m going to finish reading this novel by Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer and cry my eyes out doing so (I’ve read it before and I know how it ends and I know I’ll cry and I’ll read it anyway, because I can!).